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My mother can be kind, cook for me, and be pleasant but I am always, always "walking on eggshells." She can be so mean, accusatory, jealous, demanding, sarcastic, belittling, spoiled/childlike, but when things are "going her way," at times happy and content. This has been through my entire life -- I am now 63. I am seeing a counselor and this has been helping, but I am hoping some of you can share your stories and ideas. She becomes mean and rejecting when I do something with other members of my family, even though she has been invited, but chooses not to go. She has ruined more holidays than I can count because something didn't go her way. When I go out of town, it is a major production, even if it is just for a two or three night mini-vacation with my husband. I rarely see my children who live in other states because she gets so depressed, upset, etc. over any separation from me. I am an only child and have felt the oppressive weight of her moods and never-know-what's- coming-next demands for my whole life. My father was a loving man, very sweet, but sort of gave in or turned her over to me. My father died 15 years ago and my mother promptly moved near me into a duplex about a mile away. Since that time, I have felt somewhat like a prisoner because I cannot relax and enjoy my life without her constant calling, complaining, etc. I have recently set limits, and I am so much better than before, but it is still so stressful. I am truly so nice to her-- do multiple things for her on an almost daily basis, take her shopping, have lunch with her, clean her house, take her to the doctor, whatever. I realize many of these things are age-related and I accept this and am happy to help. But when she is so mean and rejecting--well, that still gets to me, even though I am slowly improving. Lastly, I want to share a dog saga--my mother has always had dogs. She relates better to animals than people, BUT, like me, the dog has to "behave perfectly" in order to get her kindness and love. SO... She has been bemoaning her loss of her dog who died six months ago and she has tried out four new dogs, and they have all been returned because they peed or pooped in the house, or seemed to be sick in some way. I have been the one to return these sweet dogs to the shelter and it makes me ill. I feel horrible for the animals. The last dog was so sweet but she ate grass and threw up, plus pooped in the house, so there I went, running over to her place to clean up the mess, and the next day driving over two hours to return the sweetest dog in the world. I considered keeping this little dog but my husband and I am just now trying to figure out retirement and hoping for little bits of freedom and do not want a pet now. Lastly, for some background information, my mother had some traumas in her life, but was raised by a loving father and step-mother. I feel for her, and she continually reminds me that her real mother left her when she was two. I listen kindly and as patiently as I can. I feel for her. I am not a saint, but I have been told I am a nice person who has a kind heart, but I can hardly bare this anymore! She is in my head all the time and I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

So, like I said, I am getting better, but setting boundaries and sticking to them is the hardest thing I are ever done. My mother is "addicted" to me or something, and being an only child, I have no backup. She has no friends anymore --the few she had have died-- and she has alienated many people throughout her life. I cannot just leave her to her own devices, and she does not want to move into an independent living facility yet. I am not acting to make this sound like a "poor-me" pity party, but that is kind of what this is. Please help by sharing stories, struggles, or advice that has worked for you.

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Ny, has your mom been to a geriatric psychiatrist?

I'm not a doctor, but judging from your description, it sounds as though she has a personality disorder. At any rate, she is excessively demanding, and you are a ceding to those demands. This allows her to remain " independent".

What would happen if you became ill? Had to tend a seriously I'll spouse? Or God forbid died?

What is the backup plan here? I know that you have cut back some in terms doing and responding to her, but the dog thing? How the h/ll can she expect to own a dog if she can't get it back and forth to the vet on her own?

If you and she decide a dog is feasible, go to an organization that will take o dog and train it for you. Don't accept the dog until it is obedience and house trained.

I think if I were in your shoes, I would move far away from mom and closer to grandkids. She would do much better in Assisted Living.
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You may not want to read this, but............ Your mother can't do anything to you that you don't allow. Screen her calls, limit the outings, NO to a dog, and see about getting someone to clean her house. If you can't get away for a few days without her tantrums (yes that's what they are) you need to get a handle on this mess now! When she starts the "accusatory, jealous, demanding, sarcastic, belittling, spoiled, childlike" simply tell her "Mom, I can't hear this right now. You aren't in a talking mood without demeaning and belittling so I will talk to you later." Then either leave the room or hang up the phone. You have to be the adult because she has become the child.
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Thanks for writing, Babalou. My mother has seen psychiatrists on and off during her life. Unfortunately there are no geriatric psychiatrists near here, but I would be willing to look into the possibility in a town about 40 minutes away. I do not think she will go, but she might. Assisted living is a good option but she is so resistant. It would cost about 5500 a month and then I guess she could go on Medicaid when her money ran out. The current, continually evolving health insurance situation scares me, and I admit that I would be beyond terrified if Medicaid was cut back and she would have to live with me because she couldn't afford anything. That would be my worst nightmare. I don't mean to sound horrible, but I just could not have my mother live with me. It is the scariest thought I have.
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Nynj, having my mom live with me would also be my worst nightmare, and my mom is not narcissistic. She just needs her room to be 85 degress at all times.

There is NO LAW, federal, state or otherwise that says that your mother must live with you. Who is scaring you with that, mom?

It was your mother's job to prepare for her old age, not yours. You have a say in this. You are allowed to move away, go on vacation, ignore her, whatever. You dont have to put up with this sh/t she's dishing out. Stop putting up with it.
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njny, I know it isn't as easy as all that. We want to be generous, loving people, but when we are it can be putting ourselves out there to be used. If you are like me, you don't have the heart to just leave your mother dangling by herself. I think that is a wonderful trait to have, but it doesn't make it easier on us. If we can be their everything, they don't need to find anything else. The bad thing about this is that they will finally get to the point where they aren't able to find other resources. My own mother is at that point now... and it is only me. Everyone else has gone on their way.

I don't blame myself for her isolating herself. She is, and has always been a hermit. I do wish for myself that I had built a better life here. I don't like being isolated with her. The good thing is that she is not as abusive as she once was. The bad thing is that she is not as capable. I worry now that she will fall, so it keeps me closer.

The ideal would be to get our parents involved with friends at church, the senior center, or independent living. Elder folks are strong supports for each other and take much of the burden off the children. I don't know why many older people have the drive to isolate themselves. It would be so much easier if they didn't. It increases the burden so much on the caregiver. A huge question is how adult children encourage their parents to get out? Maybe it takes a little tough love and not being so available. I know that would not have worked with my parents, since my father had Asperger's that go worse when coupled with dementia. He couldn't tolerate people. But maybe for most people making the parents seek other people would work.
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Thanks to all of you for weighing in. Rocknrobin--I DO want to hear this because I know you are right. I want more than anything to be able to truly stand up to her. It somehow seems mean at her age, but I think you used some words that I could use that are clear and direct, not mean. I will try it, even though I will shake in my boots!

Babalou--no one has scared me with that idea that Medicaid might not have the funding it has had, except for what I read I the paper. Honestly, I think assisted living would be a good choice. She would have contact with people all day and her meals prepared, although she is incredibly, incredibly fussy about food. She would complain non stop. But at least I wouldn't have to worry about her well being. I don't know if she qualifies, though, for assistance. She still drives and cooks, although she has little or no balance and has fallen several times. How do you get approved for assisted living? She still showers on her own, but did fall once.

Jessebelle--do you live with your mom? I feel for you that you are the only caregiver. It is so hard when the person is just plain nasty! I think I am too available and that is why she gets upset a lot of the time--I am not there for her at her beck and call, even though I really her nearly every day and talk on the phone with her several times a day. If I have a day with others in my family, even though she is invited and doesn't come, she acts as though I have abandoned her. She will,state, "Go live your life," with dripping sarcasm and self pity. I stil buy into this, albeit to a lesser extent, and have to work incredibly hard not to be the rescuer. Why is this so hard???

Thank you all for writing and please know how much I appreciate the communication
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njny please please please read this. I am 62 almost 63 and my mother does in fact have a dependent personality disorder. While it usually appears as submissive (i.e. the good times when all is going her way) it is highly abusive if Idont do what she wants. I am not exactly an only child but as my brother has an injunction preventing contact i am in effect an only child. The differences between us are that I am not married (any more) and I do Live with Mum but I live in the UK so elderly care is not quite as complicated although is equally as frustrating to access initially.

Under no circumstances should you live with her or invite her to live with you. Your stress levels will skyrocket . You were not are not and will never be responsible for your grandmother leaving your mother and that your mother uses that is just another tool in the arsenal.

You do not have to be your mother's caregiver on a one to one basis. Your limits could be defined by caring sufficiently about your mother to ensure that people come in to care for her if that's what you want. You clearly aren't bothered about an inheritance and that's good to see ....so many people are.

Now you have to focus on you. If you get upset when your mum gets difficult then you have given her the exact reaction she wants because now you are demonstrating guilt and dementia or no there seems to be an inbuilt knowledge that never disappears - or at least hasn't disappeared for me in the last 5 years.

You will never understand your Mum - you can't, you are not her; so what you do have to do is exactly what you do when a child has a tantrum. You say I love you Mum but I will not be spoken to like that, I will come back later THEN WALK OUT OF THE DOOR.

When you come back if she starts again do exactly the same. If it continues then release yourself and get someone else in to clean the house, get meals delivered to her. DO the bare minimum because YOU are key in her care but that does not mean you have to be the key caregiver.

Be forewarned this won't happen overnight and my mother sure as heck knows exactly how to press my buttons but I am learning slowly to take control. I have to say without these peeps on here I would still be banging my head against a wall but in here people don't judge (usually). xxxxx
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Oh Jude--that is awesome advice. I not only read it, but I will read it over again! Thank you so much! I don't know how you do it, having your mother live with you. I hope you have a caregiver to help you much of the time.
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njny - it sounds horrible to have her live with you. I am the same. I simply could not possibly do it. You have been given very good advice about setting boundaries in the above posts. I would say let her get angry, sad, mean, accusatory, jealous, demanding, sarcastic, belittling, spoiled/childlike, or whatever - in short let her be a drama queen. That is who she is and a tyrant. That should not stop you from taking holidays or doing what you want to do with your life. I don't think you can blame or excuse her behaviours on her background, or you and I and others here would be pretty miserable people too. She has made her choices along the way, as have we all, and she continues to and gets what she wants from you. You are not going to change her no matter how much you bend over backwards for her. You need to change your response to her.

Yes, she is addicted to you as you are her "narcissistic supply" - she feeds on the attention she gets from you. The more attention she gets from you, the more she craves. You are feeding onto that. You can change that by changing your behaviour and giving her less attention and giving yourself and your hub more attention. Often narcissists redirect their needs to another person who will play their game. I have no doubt she has a personality disorder. A geriatric psych could evaluate her. but even then there is little treatment.

What you have to do for yourself is protect yourself - detach and distance. When you do not do things exactly as she wants she throws a fit, Whatever! Please disengage yourself from those events. She will likely continue to throw fits but if you are not as affected by them you will suffer less. I know that detaching is not easy but living as you are is not easy either. It is what you need to do to get on with your own life and be less affected by her. There are good resources online about detaching, Rather than cleaning dog poop read about detaching.

There is no rule that says you have to look after your mother's dog. You can tell her that you cannot do it any more starting in the new year and if she cannot do it she should hire someone to do it or let the dog go or live in the mess. If she lives in the mess you can let her doctor know and/or call APS. Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. Don't be an enabler or a codependent.

A good professional is invaluable. Withdraw some of your support - the dog for example - limit calls and trips to help her to the bare minimum, as jude says. Does she have finances to hire help? Let them be her support. If she doesn't like it, let her suffer the consequences.

And for goodness sake, stop feeling sorry for her. She plays that to the hilt - it is part of the game. Start feeling sorry for you and your hub and the effect she has on you. There will always be an alternative to living with you. Stop worrying about that too. Let professionals tell her that she cannot live alone and needs assisted living - that gets you off the hook. Talk to the agency for aging and social services. Get professional advice and keep coming back here for reinforcement and ideas. ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
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The reason you fall for her tricks is that she has conditioned you to over the course of your lifetime! She has trained you by withholding love until you comply. Simply put, you can't teach an old dog new tricks - but you can stop feeding him his reward for those old tricks!!

That reward is "narcissistic supply" aka a reaction to her antics. Anything you do - a raised eyebrow to a meltdown - tickles their sour hearts. So you have to stop reacting. What worked well for me was, "I'm sorry you feel that way," and I kept doing what I was doing. She's had her chance to make a great retirement for herself, and she refused. Don't give her the power to ruin your life too!

No more trips to the pound for you. "Sorry mom, I just can't go with you to pick up a dog. Yes, we are in the car, but no, I can't drive it over there. Get someone else to help you with that, I'm not having another of your dogs in my car." You act like a broken record with no. You don't even have to do different versions of no, but my examples are way you can say no 50 different ways. :)

No, you are not taking her in, No, you are not paying for stuff, No, No, No! You can do it. Your husband will be neglected if you do what your nmom wants all the time!
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Absolutely right surprise - its just damned hard to do because once the buttons are pressed it is like it sets off a well used chain reaction. The real trick is to recognise her finger is poised ready to press the button - because THEN you can put the shield of armour on before it kicks off. Once it has - not so simple.

Learn to reflect on the way problems arise. I often exit early before she can start. Cowardice? Avoidance? Well I guess but its easier for me and quite frankly that works for me and that's all that matters.

njny I have no help at all save for a few weeks respite probably two or three a year but I may lose that in the next round of cuts too. Mum goes to church but as by the time I get home I have to turn round and go pick her up its not exactly me time. Currently someone from the church picks her up but when we move that will not be the case.

My daughter will come and take us both out but it is not ME TIME

My son visited - told me last minute that they were coming at lunch time, criticised the paucity of the buffet - in my book they were lucky they got food at all - I can't just go nip to the shops

Oh and he supports me - He made a cup of tea and did half the washing up - oh WOW

He brought his stepson, who I loathe, and who my grandson hasn't seen for ages so I spent no time with grandson at all
DIL did nothing but moan that despite getting some beautiful jewellery she didn't get the pyjamas she asked for.

Oh what did I get? A hamper of timed food - which will save me buying anything for the church bring and buy sale all year!

oooh that turned into a rant sorry peeps
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Golden--thank you. I would rather read about detaching than clean up dog poop! I know I am enabling her and have issues with codependency. Working on it for sure. Surprise--you are so right--I have been conditioned over my entire lifetime to respond in certain ways to my mother. You are also right that she could have worked to plan a better retirement for herself. At least I am doing my part for my own children! Thank you both for your sage advice and encouraging words. I really jumped up when you both mentioned that I have been Providing her narcissistic supply. Wow. You are so right. I have been quite the little overachiever in that regard. Hugs to all who are writing and helping me. I am so grateful.
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I think you have been conditioned to obey and respect your m
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Your mother. Now that you want to make some changes, take the time to explain to your mother what the changes will be. Make sure you can stick to them. Make sure you are clear. Perhaps start with something simple like only one trip out to the grocery per week. Or only on Tuesdays. Something that is a real help to you and reasonable. It won't be as hard for you to make the change. I was so conditioned to do what my mother asked that even when I said no, I would find myself complying. It's not that any one thing is so difficult. It's just that after awhile it feels like being pecked to death by chickens. Congrats on seeking help. I hope you find something to do that nourishes you when you take the break from mom. Don't feel compelled to tell her what you are doing with your free time. You already know she won't approve. No need to spoil it for yourself.
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Or if you are feeling malevolent you could always say you are going pole dancing!!!!!!
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I love/hate the image of being pecked to death by chickens. Too realistic but also funny!
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It's a new favorite phrase of mine -- pecked to death by chickens. That is what it can be like. Thanks, 97yroldmom. 97! You've been pecked a long time.
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I felt from childhood that I was being pecked by a bird - not a chicken though, a crow or a raven! I didn't get hugs I got pecked.
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The trouble is with all that pecking that eventually we learn to peck ourselves don't we? I find it harder to think I am doing a good job than to identify the things I get wrong. If you don't know whether you are one of these people write down a list of all the good things you did today and then a list of the things you could have done better. I know which list is longest on my page and sadly it isn't the good one
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njny - I'm probably just going to reenforce what others have said but in honor of our self-centered mothers I'm going to do it anyway - maybe I'll say something that will help you - but the venting of writing this will help me too. My mother is a master of manipulation. Guilt, anger, belittling and out right lies are her standard everyday weapons. Mom has been this way all my life and I suspect all hers as well. A pre-dementia example to start off with: My dad and I were very close - I was daddy's little girl and he was my hero. At about 18 months my son was diagnosed with a disability. My husband at the time, "the doaner", left never to be heard from agZin. My father helped me any way he could - babysitting, taking my son to PT etc. My mom, at times would call and berate me saying it was too hard on my father so I would only talk about happy things and "thanks dad, but no - there's nothing I need help with coming up". Then when my mom wanted to do something on her own or with her friends she'd call and berate me saying "you know your father wants to help you - it makes him feel useful. Why aren't you letting him help"? It was enough to give you whiplash! Fast forward to 3 1/2 years ago when daddy passed and I had to be the one to tell her - her immediate response? "Oh no! What am I going to do? Who will take care of me"? I knew in that moment life as I knew it was over. While mom lived alone in IL with the help of a part time care giver I was over there several times a week taking care of everything that the caregiver couldn't or wouldn't do. When a brother didn't call at Christmas - mom yelled at me. When she didn't like a care giver I fired them.
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Continuing - hit post by accident. When I didn't want to be slashed to ribbons cutting her cats claws, I was being selfish etc. When I wouldn't write checks to several charities for her to mail to the 100+ charity requests she'd get in the mail - she'd respond by writing over 40 a month on her own - then berate me when I wouldn't balance her checkbook. It was my fault her drivers licence was suspended, her sewing machine broke, she couldn't get the VCR to work and on and on. After a few years of this I finally grew a pair and would leave when she'd start in. No "I won't be talked to like that" - I hadn't worked up the courage for that yet - I'd simply say "I've gotta go" even in the middle of something, and left. Eventually she put two and two together and cleaned up her act. Until "the fall". Mom fell in late August - didn't hit her head or anything but the fall set off what had been simmering dementia into full blown dementia. The past few months have been the worst of my life - she's blamed me for everything and anything - said things to me no adult child should ever hear from their parent. By the end of October I was moments away from a complete breakdown. But then while gooogleing "feces incotinence" (nice, huh?) I found this site. Being here probably saved my sanity - seriously! I am learning to distance and detach. It's not the way I want it - I want Mrs Threadgood for a mom (from Fried Green Tomatos) but that's not my reality. I am learning to say "no" to not pick up the phone, to reduce the time I spend visiting, to not ask "how high?" When she screams "jump". I said "no" quite a few times in the past few weeks and it feels really good. I'm getting on with MY life. Sure, she's been mad as hell lately - silent treatment for days but it just doesn't bother me the way it use to - distance and detach! On a side note - please don't get her a dog! Don't do that to a poor defenseless animal that only lives to please but who will surely never measure up and have to bear the brunt of her unrealistic expectations!
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Rain you described my late mother to a T. She passed in September and, harsh though it may sound, I was so very grateful to finally be free. You never fully recover from a lifetime of abuse and being made to feel worthless. It's like PTSD, you learn to cope with it. Like your mother, she was never happy with anything or anyone, nothing was ever good enough, everything was someone elses fault, friends and family were run off (including any boyfriend I had because "he's only after MY money") and so on.

She treated my poor father terribly. A few years before he died he dropped by my house, said "Your mother will never be satisfied with anything" and burst into tears. He's been gone 16 years now ... his heart gave out. I've come to the conclusion that she was mentally ill her whole life. My only regret is that we were so down trodden that neither of us had the wherewithall to banish her from our lives long ago.
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Hey Ashlynne - I think I've mentioned it before, but when I read your posts I often think how alike are moms are/were. I try to get a handle on my anger towards her - but like you said, after a life time of manipulations and downright meanness it isn't an easy thing. I don't think my mom has much time left and I hope I can find a way to make peace with myself before she passes on - I actively try to remember times when she wasn't so awful to deal with and focus on some good times but it isn't easy. I fear like you, relief will be
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Cont. the only thing I feel. Good God - I keep accidentally posting before I finish my post - I'm tech hopeless, I swear! BTW - my two Cavailer King Charles Spainels are Katie and Charlie - like your two cats. Another coincidence!
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I have a new mantra--step back, stand up, stay strong. I am going to try and practice these each day. Step Back (emotionally) from my mother, Stand Up (do not be afraid), and Stay Strong (keep on reminding myself that I am capable of being a strong and capable woman.

OhJude--I am sorry you do not get more of a break. I cannot imagine how difficult this is for you, and yet you took the time to share your story and try to help. I wish you could get more support from the government or the members of your family! You are wonderful--and I am hoping beyond hope that you get some relief. 97yroldmom--you are right on the money. You and I have been so conditioned we are probably on auto-pilot. I am trying so hard to recognize when I respond without even thinking. It is like trying to remap my behavior and learn anew how to respond to my own mother. You all are so helpful. I hope you will write and share more of your stories and suggestions. I think we help and support one another in ways many of our our friends and family cannot.
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Rainmom--for. Some reason more of your posts just loaded. It broke my heart to read that you knew life as you knew it was over. I am so sorry and hope we all continue to hel one another by writing in. When my father died 15 years ago, and my mother called to say she was moving to my town, I felt as though my stomach fell out of y body and onto the floor. I knew, just like you, that life as I knew it was over. She complained bitterly that when my newly blended family went on vacations we did not include her. We couldn't--we were too new plus she would have complained about EVERYTHING. Food is often sent back in restaurants, beds are uncomfortable, and she needs constant attention. She remembers things from as far back as almost 50 years ago, when I was a teenager that I did to hurt her and not be there for her. I have always felt she was "my job." My husband has told me that helping her through old age is something I certainly should do, but she--her emotional neediness--is NOT my job. I wish we all lived close to one another so we could have a weekly support group with wine (for those who drink), lots of chocolate, and comfy cushions on comfy couches. Love you all--
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She's got you jumping through hoops and holding your breath for her next drama--and trust me, YOU are feeling all the guilt and SHE is feeling just fine. I recently had a huge blowout with my mother...I left her house in hysterics and I looked back and saw her sitting there at her kitchen table, calmly doing the crosswords......it hit me like a ton of bricks--SHE was perfectly fine. She'd just told me to go to H*** and I was beside myself, and it did not ruffle her feathers on iota.
A light went on in my head (50 years too late, but nevertheless) it's ALL about HER. I want to ascribe better motives and behavior to her, but I can't. I have been dancing to her tune and buying into the "poor pitiful me" routine for so long--and now it's over.
My therapist told me: DON'T answer the phone if you don't want to. DON'T go visit if you don't want to. WALK AWAY without "backwards words" if you need to. Controlling you is her primary focus--and trust me, she's enjoying it.
I'd hire help for her cleaning, hire an agency to send someone as an assistant (I worked at exactly this type of job for several years)---it's not cheap but the family of my clients happily paid what Medicare didn't--just so they could have their lives back.
If you can get her in ALF, that would probably be wonderful--you could stop being the only "target". Your mother has a lot of "bullets" and just one target--you.
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Mid kid--I can feel your pain. I have gotten so upset over the years, and then watched my mother be perfectly fine, not caring a whit as to how upset or distraught I was because of her. I can totally relate to you being upset and then she goes to happily do her crossword. I figured out fairly recently that no matter what I ever did, no matter how hard I tried, no matter what, my mother would not be able to give me unconditional love and warmth.

Oh wait til you hear this. You will not believe this one--it actually made me laugh after I left her. We were talking about the possibility of people living several lives and she said if she lives again she hopes she has a mother who really, really loves her, just as much as she loves... Not me...no, no, no... What she said was as much as she loved her dog (who died recently). Let's face it --I an chopped liver.
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NJNY-
A LOT of the posts on these forums are basically the same problems, over and over, it's sad how many of us have these dynamics going on.
Why are our mothers cold and withholding to us? I have so many theories, and in truth, it doesn't matter. I didn't get from my mother what I needed at the crucial stages of my life, I am not going to get them now (she's almost 86). I watched her at the Christmas party I hosted last Saturday. It's gotten to the point where I am nearly threatening family to get them to show up. It's all for Mother. No on else does gifts, but we all better bring something for her! We had planned to play Bingo, which she LIVES for, but it was a hectic, noisy night and the kids were not behaving, so I announced that we'd probably forgo Bingo and just socialize and I saw Mother out of the corner of my eye and she was POUTING like a 2 yo. So I quickly said "You know what? You want to chat, go out in the hall, we are going to play Bingo". A few people left, but we did play for about 20 minutes, gave out all the gifts and I think mother had a good time. All I said to her was "hi". I am glad we did play as we sibs voted down any more Christmas parties. Just summer get togethers from now on.
And I get the "love" thing. My mom had a bird somebody gave her, it was filthy and disgusting and she let it fly all over her apartment--guess who was cleaning up bird poop and feathers every week?? When that bird died, my mother mourned more than she mourned my dad's death. She kept the bird in a freezer until my brother would make it a cedar casket. Well over a year.
We have to laugh, sometimes. Because crying is pointless!
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Oh my gosh midkid! The bird story makes me laugh and cry. I feel less alone after reading it! My mother mourned way more for her dog than she did my father. If I died, she would mourn, but as Babalou said, what would be her backup plan? She would likely mourn my not helping her her and a few loving memories. Then she would panic, "What will happen to me?" I am working on a backup plan, and my husband and her nephew who lives across the country could likely help get her into a facility. I am off to see her now, but the amazing news is that I did not go to her house for three days straight. I think that is a record. We will see what the drama of the day is--shame on me--I can be sarcastic too.
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