A letter for all of you, from Milan- Italy
Dear all,
this forum has been of great help to me in the past few years, so I felt tonight to give back something that I hope can be useful to all of you watching the news about COVID19.
I'm writing you from Milan, Italy, now in complete lockdown.
Both my mom and I are fine, even if everything feels very unreal; today is the 3rd day we are just at home, without going out even 1 minute. Milan has become a ghost town, everything is closed except food shops and pharmacies. There’s an unreal silence night and day.
It feels like living in a movie, and everything happened so fast that we can’t wrap our minds around it, yet.
Things I wish I knew from the very start.
1. This is NOT just a heavy flue. There’s been a lot confusion in the beginning over here, many people on TV including doctors were saying this was just a heavy flue, so people kept going out and about. The mortality rate we are having in this very moment is 7,16%. It is not as bad as SARS or MERS but it's still more dangerous than a simple flue and it's extremely fast.
2. Despite what the government and many people keep saying, it is not true that just old people die and that they all had underlying conditions: doctors from inside hospitals are telling us that people perfectly healthy and in their 40s arrive in intensive care every day. Please be careful and protect yourself.
3. Plastic gloves make you feel much safer. I have learned from the Chinese to use toothpicks to touch elevators and atm machines buttons. This will save gloves.
3. If you buy a mask, be warned that most of them are not re-usable.
You probably know it already, I didn't. I just had 2 masks and now I feel scared to go out without one. Not a nice feeling.
4. A good mask DOES make a difference; in China many people who didn't catch the virus were the only ones wearing a mask in indoor spaces.
5. The first things that finished in supermarkets over here have been: alcohol, hands disinfectant, gloves, fruit.
6. If you are thinking at home delivery from supermarkets be aware that in an emergency scenario (that hopefully won't happen to any of you) websites will be so overwhelmed by orders that they will stop functioning. It took me 2 days to finally be able to order online and book a delivery slot and by the time I finally managed to make the order many things weren't available anymore. I'm not saying this to scare you, meaning that food is not a problem over here, at all, it's the amount of orders.
7. I didn't realize that the real reason to stock up some food is not that food won't be delivered to supermarkets anymore, is that people will buy the impossible and many things won't be available anymore. So DO stock up some, at least for 2/3 weeks.
8. Another thing I didn't anticipate is that the biggest worry I have at the moment is not catching the virus, or contaging my mother, even if yes, I'm a bit scared; the most preoccupying thing is that all hospitals are completely full, we don’t have a health system at the moment except than for COVID19, and this is something I have never experienced in my whole life.
9. I have put all helpers in holiday leave, a few days before the government ordered the lockdown and prohibition to move from home( which we actually fully share and support); this means that I'm alone with my mom and my cat. The sense of responsability is ten times stronger than normal, and it was already strong. I would say it's almost overwhelming sometime.
10. If you are alone, like I am, get some tranquillizers for bad moments; I have also bought some Rescue Remedy and it's helping me a lot.
11. We are experiencing an AMAZING support system around us; the government suspended all taxes, loans, fines, even parking fees, friends are calling us from all over the world and the international community at large has been so supportive it's really moving us, and all this is so, so important I can't even tell you. We are deeply grateful. We'll win this, all together ! with love
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Thinking of you.
Have a good day!
Not only is there sunshine and my Tweety bird is chirping away in the window,
but there is the full moon, reflected light in the night sky.
Nature carries on, and we must also.
We are due to turn our clocks back one hour but I just do not want an extra hour of this 2020 year! Maybe if I just 'do' nothing, about anything.......
Still, there is so much hope for a better time, a better year, a stronger faith.
I feel very blessed to be living in one of the few states that is not seeing a resurgence. Unfortunately that can change tomorrow.
Washing hands, wearing masks and staying home when you are ill seems to be working. We have a high compliance rate and I think that has really helped.
I am so happy that you have found a caregiver that feels like part of the team. Praise The Lord for HIS mercy in this situation.
Give Willy a belly scratch and take a great big warm hug from Sugar and me.
So good to hear from you Isthisreal and to know you are fine, I'll keep all my fingers crossed for you guys, and you know, sooner or later we will ALL make it, and this will be over for good!
I'll make sure to pass the belly scratch to Willy, such a pity you can't post pics here, I have a few new ones :)
lots of love and ... thank you!
x Arwen
7 months later. I'm alive.
And being alive, today, means different things for me.
It means that I'm grateful, which I didn't know I had to be.
It means that I constantly wonder why this happened to us, in our lives, and not before or after us. What is the meaning, what is the call on us.
It means that I feel responsible to do, really do my share.
Many things have changed in our lives, my mom's and mine.
Our summer has been good, even if difficult in places.
After my plan of the live-in carer failed, I mistakingly thought that I could carry on doing everything by myself for the whole summer and that living in the country side, far from everything, with my mom and my cat was the safest, ideal solution. I lasted 21 days, after which I started having a serious burnout.
I frantically looked for some help where we were but couldn't find any, so eventually we came back to Milan, where I had to acknowledge that my mother was actually much happier.
After taking this decision things got easier; in the city, I found a wonderful new professional aide through an Agency, trained both as a social worker and as a disability support worker who's even worked in a Vet clinic! And most importantly...she always wears a mask, is extremely careful and I didn't even have to ask her. It was the agency rules, which she absolutely shares and observes. Her and my mom really clicked and Willy likes her too, which was important for me.
Having some time for myself again and knowing that my mom is in super good hands has been such a relief that all the doubts about letting the old aide go, the one who's been with us for many years and was like family to us, but refused to wear a mask when with my mother, vanished all together. This decision has been heart wrenching for me. I spent months agonising about the right things to do and hoped that by the end of the summer, if COVID had receded, I could call her back again… But by July, I was a wreck. I couldn’t, really couldn’t take care of everything by myself anymore.
After just 1 month the new aide started working for my mom, we decided to go away again to our house in the countryside and we took her with us; it worked out perfectly, so much that when we came back we decided to hire her directly and asked her if she wanted to move in with my mom, so that she won't have to take public transports, and we'll all be safer.
It's been a month of paperworks, contracts, documents, but I can say now it's been worth every minute of stress; she's been living at my mother's place for ten days now, and I have to say that having another adult to talk with when I'm there and knowing that if something happens we are 3 people now, it makes a world of difference. Especially in these last few days, whith the news of contagions rising again, we feel like we have each other’s back, and that we are safe where we are, and I think this is priceless.
7 months later.
Europe is in the middle of a huge second wave, with Italy fast approaching the same numbers of the other states, after having been miraculously spared for some time.
The US are on the verge of the most important presidential election of their history and are still fighting a fierce battle with this virus.
More people than we can really comprehend have died, lost their job and a life that they had honestly put together.
Our planet has been devastated by fires, flooding, hurricanes and the worst apparently has yet to come.
But one thing I know, now. Those small things that I saw in that ray of sun are the only ones that I can take care of, one after the other; only in this way I can keep the vision without crumbling into despair.
This post, that I’ve struggled for months to put together, is my small, personal experience, but it’s the sharing with you that makes it bigger.
With much love
x Arwen
I echo your sentiments!
You/we are grieving a huge loss - just like when September 11th happened. I know for me I was in shock for the first six months after that happened and then the reality sunk in. Things would never be the same when it came to travelling and now, once again - things will never be as they were. The "new normal" as we hear over and over. We just want to go back to how we used to live and knowing that we can't is why we feel such a burden and are grieving a tremendous loss of what was.
Good to see you posting here.
Just today I glanced at a news report about Italy and mandatory mask wearing.
Always thinking of how you are doing there in Italy.
Always with hope that you are coping well.
I found out that for me personally, that I could not just go out and feel normal after being cooped up in my home since March! I should have made more effort to just go outside daily, for a brief
5-10 minutes. It all feels kind of surreal now. 🌾🍃🌼🌾🍂🌻🇮🇹
Best wishes to our friend in Italy!
It's already 1am where I am, but it feels so good to read you and to know you are ok that I wanted to reply straight away!
I've been reading news from California too and thought about you a lot.
Yes, from tomorrow we'll have mandatory masks outdoor too, which is nothing new, at least here in Milan, since we all kept wearing them everywhere, in and out, even if they weren't mandatory outdoor anymore. People got really scared, I guess.
Which makes you think how on earth contagions can be so high again, really. People have been very careful around here.
Are you seriously telling me that you haven't been out of your house for 6 months? You are incredible! I can bet you must feel a bit spaced out now!
Are things a bit better where you are?
Sending you a huge hug
x Arwen
I too still have a heavy heart as we are in our 7th month of lockdowns. I do not know what I thought when this began but never thought it would be like this, mostly unchanged, seven months later. It feels like seven decades. Life has changed in ways I never thought I would see in my lifetime. I wonder how those who survived that last pandemic in 1918 managed. I worry about the future for the kids being born today, and wonder what controlling forces will become normalized for them but may actually restrict their potential and be none the wiser. I feel like I am grieving a huge loss, but cannot exactly put my finger on what it is.
I know exactly what you mean. It's starting feeling like decades over here, too.
I read the titles of the news every night, and every night I feel a little number and almost detached: the feeling is that things are exactly what you say, mostly unchanged. No matter how strong you know you are, it's almost impossible for us humans to sustain such huge efforts seeing so little results...it really feels like there's no end in sight.
Still, from a distance, I hear myself telling me this WILL end.
And there will be freedom again, and hugs, and old friends coming to visit from abroad, and going away for the weekend, and love, and living spontaneously. It will happen again. We just don't know when.
We ARE grieving a huge loss. The loss of the life we knew so far. And a loss of innocence.
Do you know, I often go searching articles about the 1918 pandemic, me too. And just last night I read an article which said that the second wave has been so deadly not because of the virus but for the wrong therapies they were administering to people; they were giving people 30 grams of Aspirin a day, where today 4 grams is considered highly toxic. 30 grams!
I know this can add to the confusion, and the confusion is a huge part of our tiredness. I know. But just for a second, it made me think again about the importance of keeping very still, and calm. And I felt that a new calm, and a new poise, will be our true victory, once everything will be over.
For you, with all my warmest thoughts:
"Your will under the sheer steadiness of a mountain allows it to become incredibly powerful; all that is learned from patience and non action will be ready to be harnessed creatively.
Your vital force is not wanting but waiting. Life brings together all that is void to itself. Be empty ~ that is all. Thus you can master things and not be injured by them.”
a meditation from Kari Hohne's "The Essential I Ching: 64 Degrees of Nature's Wisdom"
Thoughts from distance can sustain the spirit of people more than we will ever know. It makes me very happy if this thread has been somehow comforting for you.
I've been meaning to write again here for a long time now, always hoping to be in a good place to write and be carefree just for a moment, but the only time I have is late in the evening and I find myself being so tired that I can barely think... I'll try, though. I really want to try.
Mom, my cat and I are fine; it feels incredible we can say this 6 months later.
6 months! I'm probably still trying to grasp what has really happened cause so many things have changed since March that it feels more like 6 days, or 6 years, at the same time .... such a weird feeling.
Yes. Living has improved for all of us and even if these months have taken a toll we are deeply grateful for our luck. I will give a new update asap, perhaps my "roller-coaster" can be useful to others who are trying to take the same decisions.
How are you? How is life for you these days?
x Arwen
Hope this little note finds you in good health.
We will win this, all together.
Discovering that my hand washing slowly became under 20 seconds, I am recommitting to that safety measure today, as the numbers are going back up in many places.
Thought that I would offer a reminder to others-continue washing hands for 20 seconds.
🇺🇸🇮🇹🇺🇸🇮🇹
Yes, tiredness has a way of creeping in your life and making forget all those small things that can make a huge difference. Thank you for reminding us, it is very important.
We are fine :) Tired, but fine.
My soul is heavy with all the sufference our world is going through, all these deaths, the violence, the terrible fires... it is truly a make-it or break-it year for humanity, at least it seems so.
I'm not here often these days, but I'm keeping you all in my heart, always.
Blessings to all the good people who keep trying, no matter how tired they are.
I just "rediscovered" this string. I'm glad that you are well, and you had a chance to have a change of scenery.
One thing I would like to add concerning your mother--sometimes the simple passage of a couple months can make a difference in an elder's behaviour even if the circumstances otherwise haven't changed. Is it possible her having been sick has also made a difference? There's just so much we don't know...
I hope you find a suitable solution in caring for your mother.
Bob
it's great to hear from you, thank you for stopping by.
Yes, things can change quickly. It is scary, sometimes I just would like to stop time; I do miss my mom, the way she was, so much, .
At the same time, you are right; we've been through a lot lately, and not being phisically well for a while didn't help. Mostly though, I think it's an emotional thing; in her house she still feels she's in control, she's much more independent. Also, being a true extraverted, I know she misses people, and seeing just me all the time is not enough.
I'm trying to come up with a solution which will give me some relief and at the same time will make her socialise more; it's not easy, a part of me is incredulous that being still alive and finally being in a beautiful place, in the sun, surrounded by nature, is not enough, but I have to accept that we are different, and what is important to me is not enough for her, and viceversa.
I'll keep you guys posted, but I'm taking in consideration all you are saying; it is very important to me to have your perspective as I've seldom been so isolated.
How are you? Did you manage to reunite with your girlfriend?
It's schocking to see that what you were saying about the US being next in line was so spot on, and it's very difficult to see those numbers. I do feel very close in spirit to all of you, hoping you won't be too scared; you know, though, what we have learned over here is that eventually, no matter what kind of measures the Government is taking, or if we can get tested, or even vaccinated or not, the chances to survive all this are more related to our individual behaviour than what we felt in the first few months....which is discouraging and encouraging at the same time, in a way. What I mean is; no matter how bad things get, and look, if we keep being careful, if we keep our immune system strong and healthy, we can make it through. No matter what.
Sending you all my positive thoughts.
:)
Arwen
Thank you so much for writing me. I felt such joy finding your messages and posts :)
The train journey? The train journey was LONG :D Of course we managed to miss the connecting train and the next one wasn't direct so we were on 3 different trains. Sooo much fun. I saw more people in one day than in the previous 3 months and was so tense that I felt I could break like a glass!!
But ... we survived, the cat survived too, and we finally arrived at our place in the woods in Nowhere Land.
I’m not sure this is more heroic or more plain crazy, but yes, we are in a real wood, 3 km from the nearest village, so the train journey was just the beginning, really…
Since then, it's been a rollercoaster.
I'm so, so happy to be out of the city, to breath without wearing a mask, to see trees when I open my window in the morning…here everything is so beautiful and pure that I can’t imagine being again in a flat.. at the same time, I've been completely isolated with my mother and the cat for 18 days now, 24/7, and I feel like I'm going down that slippery slope. There is this post of Beatty in another thread that I have copied, as a reminder to myself, and I feel that without realising it I'm going down the same direction (aah,scary thought)...
" stepped in to help & fell down the slippery slope. Some folk put the brakes on & climb out - reach out to others, research options, hire aides, maybe even consider AL/NH. But some land in the quicksand at the bottom. Either unable to plan to regain their own life - or unwilling to."
So much for my brilliant plan about the aides, sigh.
To keep it very short . My brilliant plan of the live-in carer failed miserably. The carer changed her mind at the last moment about wearing a mask when with my mother, acted very offended with me for insisting, I started doubting everything, wasn't sure about what to do anymore, and eventually suspended the whole plan.
Then decided that it was a brilliant idea to retreat in nature while I was thinking of a new plan.
Except my mind is blank, now. I'm never alone, I'm working very little, and I can't think, because I can think just when I'm alone.
I have tried to get some help here but it's such a tiny place that it's very difficult to find anything. I thought to find a new carer and bring mom back to Milan and then come back here, but I'm not even sure she's able to live by herself anymore or if she needs a real live-in carer, and how can I leave her with someone I don’t know? Since she's here she seems more random than before. Is it the lockdown effect? Is the change of environment? Is she worse? Is it me, who’s actually crazy to bring her here?
In one word, as you might sense, I'm pretty confused.
But ready or not, I promised I was going to write tonight so here I am.
I have truly missed you. I have missed writing here, learning what I was feeling while I was writing. It feels like a year has passed, and it's only been 2 months.
I do read the news about the States, every day. I still think that we if are careful, if we go with our instinct, if we leave the slippery slopes alone, we will make it.
:)
With hope, and love
Xxx Arwen
Do you have food? ok then.
Can you tell us about the train travel?
Is there something you need to tell us?
Still wearing our masks and social distancing, staying home as much as possible.
Concerns that people are ignoring the precautions.
Hope you are well.
🚅🛤
It's so, so lovely to hear from you Sendhelp and to know the sun is coming through your window . Thank you for telling me, it was so nice to read :)
XenaJada and Golden thank you for your lovely words.
So great to know that you felt the same as I did, GingerMay.
You struggle so much to describe a subtle feeling and then you realise someone an the other side of the world is experiencing the very same thing. It does feel like a miracle, to me.
This has been such a long, long (LONG) month.
My ability to process things has gone haywire. It's just too much, too fast, too soon. I guess that living in the States right now this feeling must be tenfolded, or more. Talking about sudden shifts ...
You have all been with me every day, while I was trying to make sense reading the news. How are you? Please let me have your updates here whenever you have a moment.
So much has happened, globally and personally, that my head has been spinning a lot lately, and I still find it difficult to find the words. I'm just waiting for the right moment.
Tonight is an important night for us; my mom, Willy and myself.
After 3.5 months mostly indoor we will leave Milan for the firts time tomorrow.
Please keep your fingers crossed for us. We'll be on a 4 hours train journey (with a train change, too!), just the three of us. I'm smiling and I'm terrified at the same time.
I will report as soon as I can; travelling through a Pandemic with a 93yo lady and a cat in a rucksack it's not something you want to miss! ; )
A huge hug to all of you,
xxx Arwen
Your comment about walking in the street and imagining how it used to look, feel, sound, smell and feeling a weird nostalgia is what I experience every time I leave the house which still is not often.
Hoping and believing in better days ahead. Doing what I can to take care of myself and those under my roof.
We have not forgotten you, and are still grateful for you writing this wonderful letter, sharing yourself and experiences as we go along.
It is already June, and it is getting too hot!
Just a reminder to all that we cannot give up on taking care of ourselves. That includes supplements like Vit. C, Vit. D, and B-12.
I got so busy trying to keep up with all the information out there, that it has been a few weeks and I neglected myself. But getting back on track now.
Hoping you are well.
🇺🇸💖🇮🇹
Still staying home while others are going out more now. The bright sun came in my afternoon window.
Hope normality continues without a big cost. Let us know what the government assessment is.
"The world is changed.
I feel it in the water.
I feel it in the Earth.
I smell it in the air…”
Galadriel
I have fully recovered. My symptoms had got worse, all sort of flu-like symptoms, swollen glands in my neck, sore throat, chills, muscle pain, headaches and terrible exhaustion, for 10 days. No fever, no cough.
Then this week, a step after the other, I regained all my strengths. It honestly feels like a miracle feeling all my energy again, not just physically, I’m honestly so (so) relieved. I hated the feeling that I could just wait to see if my symptoms got worse and have been really worried for my mom. She had symptoms too, especially muscle pains and tiredness. Now she feels much better too.
What can I say, if it was the virus, all your prayers must have worked exceptionally well :)))
We are deeply grateful, to all of you. Thank you for keeping writing me, thank you for your messages about your wonderful, funny animals, for the recipes, for the tips… you made me smile and kept me company, thank you for your updates, that I read almost every day even if I couldn’t write. They’ve been a big part of the cure.
On May 4 we have entered Phase 2, a substantial lifting of the lockdown.
We still need the self-certificate for going out, but we can now take longer walks from our homes without one and visit relatives, one at a time. Many more shops and factories are open, but we can’t travel yet and we can’t go out from our regions. On May 18 the Government will re-assess the situation and we’ll know more. Some technical documents from the Scientific Committee have leaked, so we know what is the exact number of contagions that will will mark the critical alert, the one which will lock us again, the worst case scenario, which has been reassuringly called “catastrophic”… I honestly wish I hadn’t seen the document.
Last Sunday, the last day of the lockdown, I was still feeling very weak but I decided to go out for a short walk to see the deserted city one last time; I closed my eyes at the crossing of a big street and tried to imagine the traffic, the cars, the noise, the pollution. I really felt that something extraordinary, in good and (extremely) bad, was coming to an end. It felt like some weird nostalgia, for something so subtle and hard to describe, but that I knew would have been very difficult to feel again… the silence, the courage, the strength, that incredible feeling of connection with all humanity and all living things… the very small things… I said goodbye, and thank you, and opened my eyes.
The very first thing I did in Phase 2 was going to my beloved Park.
I counted the days on my calendar. The last time I saw it was 58 days before.
2 months of lockdown and no gardeners after, my Park has become a Jungle!!!
It was so beautiful and wild my jaw literally dropped (under the mask!) The grass was so tall, like I have never seen it, the trees so full of leaves, and birds, it was incredible.
I walked, and walked, and walked until my legs became almost numb.
I sat under a tree, I touched the grass in the sun. I cried for the joy.
I called my best friend and could barely speak, I was breathless. I think he was smiling on the other side. He stayed silent too, but yes, I think he was really smiling.
I laid on the grass, watching the top of the trees on my head and suddenly remembered:
I’m laying on my wooden floor, my face on the last ray of sun that comes from the window. I lay there and think that that ray of sun is the most beautiful and precious thing I have ever experienced.
Under the tree, everything, everything came back at once: the silence, the courage, the strength, that incredible feeling of connection …. the very small things. They haven’t vanished. They are still there. They were probably there way before, I just didn’t know it.
Thinking of you all, wherever you are, with much peace, and much love.
x Arwen
In a time when most things are impossible to plan, you have come up with an excellent plan!
The live-in caregiver part is most impressive!
The only thing I can think up at this time is taking your own temperature for your health, and as a screening tool for the caregivers and cleaning guy. But use individual thermometers.
Have a plan if any of the four of you do become acutely ill with breathing problems. How to treat, how to get medical advice, etc.
If you start to obsess about something, immediately stand up, walk around, change your thoughts for awhile. Saying to yourself, "I can make an appointment with myself to think on this later".
Vit. C, Zinc are the basics for immunity, imo.
B-12, Chelated Magnesium are the basics for anxiety, as well as your Rescue Remedy, imo. Glad that was working for you!
Keep us in the loop Arwen. Take good care of yourself too! And so many thanks for sharing your experiences, helping us to cope also.
🇺🇸 to 🇮🇹
Your opinions are priceless for me, as you are all living a very similar situation to mine.
The idea of the live-in carer is not really mine, I read an article about some carers who decided to move into a hospice during lockdown to put patients less at risk, so I thought to ask the carer to do the same. I hope it will work.
You have given me some excellent tips.
I didn't think about the thermometers, I will definitely do it.
And the supplements, thay are exactly the ones that I'm taking except for the Chelated Magnesium, I will look into it. Thank you! And thank you also for the "appointment with anxiety" strategy, it's a great idea :) I want to try it.
For the plan if one of us falls sick, this is where I'm a bit weak.
I have used Tea Tree Oil for gargling and also in capsules in these last 4 days, along with an homeopathic remedy called Ferrum Phosphoricum. Today it's the 4th day and I feel much better.
In case one of us gets fever, I have paracetamol, Echinacea Argentum and Brionia. It is not much, I know, but I don't think I would trust taking much else, since even in hospitals they are still trying to find the cure.
No doctor comes in at the moment around here, they send you electronic prescriptions via e-mail. In case you are severely sick, you call the ambulance. That's it. It's a bit scary.
I have 2 friends now who have fallen sick, one in London, one near Milan. They both told me step by step all their symptoms, they both got to the stage where they couldn't breath properly anymore and both got hospitalized for 4 days but not in IC. After 3 weeks they are both fine. Thanks the Lord.
One of them has been helping me in these last few days also for the therapy, and she gave me so much courage. She says the key is to keep our cool and accept this, really accept this, as an experience. She said this virus is some sort of "entity", very powerful, but its aim is simply to slow us down, so if we accept it with respect we have more chance to recover.
I know it sounds very new-agey but she's been through it, and I trust her.
We are now on the verge of a new phase.
I'm trying to gather my strentgth for a new type of courage.
Thank you so much again, please keep me posted about yourself too!
🇮🇹 to 🇺🇸
You have obviously thought about it and you are placing as many safety barriers as you can to protect everyone.
Well done!
*hugs you*
I just saw your post today. Like you, I am alone in caring for my 80 year old father in the midst of this pandemic. The househelp who assists in cooking and cleaning have not been coming in. And like you, I am starting to feel frustrated and angry, especially when my father doesn't cooperate and creates more problems and work for me at home.
We are into 40+ days of quarantine at home. If you can share your thoughts, how do you plan to deal with this situation moving forward? I mean, the medical experts have been saying that the virus won't go away anytime soon and that we should expect a new normal, especially in the next 1-2 years until there is a vaccine. Just the thought of extending this type of situation for the next year is causing me much anxiety.
Hoping all is well with you!
Cheers!
your question couldn't be more timely.
I've been thinking and re-thinking about the same thing for weeks now, to the point that it became almost an obsessive thought. I have asked advice to all my friends and even to my doctor about it, most of them say it's too risky to make anybody come in until we won't be all tested.
None of them are in our situation though (yours and mine) and I don't think they fully realize the type of physical, mental and emotional effort that caring for an old person under these circumstances involves. So I have tried to come down with what I personally know to be a fact:
Fact 1. I'm exhausted. The thought of carrying on like this for months, in complete isolation, is not an option. I already feel like I'm not caring for my mom as I should, due to tiredness.
Fact 2. I did have to take risks myself, like going to the pharmacy as they have stopped delivery at home for some products. After a few days, since last Saturday, I started feeling the same symptoms of a month ago: chills, exhaustion, diarrhoea. There's a good possibility that I'm positive to the virus, right now, so I have started wearing a mask when I'm at my mother's even if I doubt this could be enough. It also might be due to sheer exhaustion, also from the doubt of being positive. In any case, it's not a good state to be if you want to help somebody. And it started feeling very stupid not to ask for help for avoiding risks if I might be a major risk myself.
Fact 3. They won't test us, neither for positivity or immunity, anytime soon. And in any case we still don't know how long one can be contagious or immune for. The only way they can test 60 million of people is with random samples, so the chance of being tested is like winning the lottery.
Fact 4. In one week time, on May 4th, they will lift the lockdown here; it will be a partial lifting, but there will be many more people around, while we are not ready in the least. This will mean much more risk for contagions, for everyone.
Fact 5. I have paid my mom's aids their full wage for the first month and 50% the second month of lockdown. I don't want to leave them stranded but I can't pay them forever either.
All this made me think that the time to act is now.
I have called my mom's main carer yesterday who hasn't been working for anybody else in these 2 months and has seldom gone out as she was very scared; we agreed that she will move in with my mother along with her dog from this Friday, 1st of May. She will only go out for walking the dog but she won't go to any shop / meet anybody until we'll know better. She will wear a mask when with my mother.
I have also called the cleaning person; he will come once a week, will work alone and then will open all windows. He was the one who actually asked to work alone, they are scared as well, which is more than understandable. While he's working, my mom and the carer will be in one room and will wait a few hours after he's gone so that the house will be ventilated.
This is my plan. I know it is risky, but I couldn't come up with anything better atm. It's been a very painful process for me, as for many of us, I guess, but I finally got to the conclusion that my Zero Risks strategy won't be possible for the next phase. Phase 2 won't be Freedom Phase, it will be Courage Phase I think. I'm bracing for it, Im very scared, but this is what I thought.
What do you think?
If you, or anybody else who reads this, has suggestions, warnings, better ideas, please, please share: I think this could be very useful to everybody now.
Thank you for your question Jasmine.
x Arwen
I was lost too! And after having administered the Myers-Briggs tests, and the MMPI so many years ago, I was unfamiliar with the now popular Briggs Myers tests for personality. The abbreviations are what thru me.
Apparently, people reporting those abbreviations are saying their personality tested as empaths, introverts, (and other characteristics). On the Briggs Myers test.
You can search it online, and take a free test.
The MBTI stands for Myers Briggs (mother/daughter psychologists have both died).
Myers Briggs Type Indicator.
Thanks Gershun for telling me!
I've been lurking on this forum for a while, but I had to sign up so that I could speak to you.
I want to thank you for sharing your journey through this scary time with us.
It was from seeing what was happening in the hallways in Italy that we realized we might badly need 10s of thousands of ventilators and our cities and states all started working on 'flattening the curve' based on what we'd seen in early mid March there.
I felt so horrible when the # of doctors dying kept going up in Italy. So sad and tragic, they are true hero's and I hope the famlies of those fallen doctors are well taken care of when the Italian government can do so. I know right now they are overwhelmed with so any expenses, but hopefully they help them with at least the doctors salaries for now, and more a few years down the road when Italy is on it's feet again.
Thank you for sharing your experiences, and your feelings with us, I saved several of your most inspiring and special thoughts you shared.
I hope you let us know how you are doing, even months after things are pretty much back to normal there down the road.
I'm in Eastern Wa state, we had the 1st deaths on the Western side of the state, and with Washington being on the news day in and out for a week (not the norm for our state) we were very aware of how it was spreading around the globe, so we were the earliest to start closing things down, and did so more and more over the weeks that followed in 2nd & 3rd week of March do to the inability to have any clue how many cases they had on the West side of the state (1000s a day travel from here to there and visa versa)
Since to this day we've had less than 1% tested on West coast, and only 5k tests out of 500k people on our side, we can only have an idea of how many were infected based on hospitalizations, those have been going down on both sides of our state, good news :)
Whitney
thank you very much for signing up to write me.
Reading your stories and sharing here it's being a life saver for me, so I'm the one to feel grateful.
Doctors and nurses, here and in every country, have been living in a parallel world from us, I think. Nobody can imagine what they have seen, the choices they've been forced to make, the fear they might be experiencing.
I remember seeing the video of an anesthesiologist at the beginning of March. She's been the first and only one to tell people the truth, in very clear terms, that hospitals were already struggling to find enough respirators and beds in IC and should we get ill, God would have to save us, because they couldn't. It was March 7th. My perception of the whole situation shifted completely. The day after I decided to put all carers in holiday leave, I went for a last big shopping at the supermarket and planned for total isolation. The very same day Lombardy decided to go into a lockdown.
I strongly believe that the fact that many people including myself and my mother are still ok it's because of that video.
Doctors and nurses have been more than heroes here, they've been the only ones to tell us the real thing, to warn us, to save us. I'll be forever grateful to them, and I truly hope too that the aknowledgement will reward their huge work and sacrifice, as you say. We are scared of a second wave not only for us, but also for them. I truly hope the Government will get this right.
The problem of testing, both for positivity and immunity, is very big around here too. This is actually the only news we are trying to find on the papers, depending on the availibility of the testing system we'll know if all the things they are planning for lifting the lockdowns make sense, or not.
I'm so happy to hear that hospitalizations are going down in your state!
In our experience, that is the only piece of data we believe at the moment, since the number of contagions is a totally unknown quantity.
It's the only parameter we are looking at the moment, especially the one for IC.
Please keep us posted with your news.
A warm hug
x Arwen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8xPukESw18&fbclid=IwAR1dPrWsv7U0lsrAoKNMWvBCcif1QufAGWiLuy5z-z6gGr_nEgU18DU7EiE
Arwen, I too am INFJ. Is this common in Italy?
Being empathetic makes life more painful but it also makes us more in tune with those who are suffering and that can be a good thing.
There is no doubt that we have to make a huge adjustment to this new situation. Life is unsafe in a way it has never been before for us.
Then also we need to process the additional expected but unexpected violences as in Nova Scotia, as you know is happening in abusive families, as the emotional violence of losing a loved one and not knowing where his/her body is and more.
Good is coming and more good will come of this and you are wise, Arwen, to focus on that.
We can't save the world, or stop this crisis, but we can be grateful for the good, and live our lives daily as best we can. That is not a small task. We can pray for those less fortunate than ourselves. We can support one another. We can smile and thank the delivery person, or grocery store cashier. We can "get up, dress up and show up" (Regina Brett) in our own lives and the lives of those that touch ours.
Arwen, never apologize for a long post, You are sharing your heart with us and that is precious.
Hugs to all of us sharing this journey. I think that is a big hug that stretches around the world. (((((((🌏)))))).
Thank you SO much, I hadn't seen it. Steve McCurry is one of my favourite photographers and that song, I think it's in all Italians' hearts, in this moment. All'alba, vincerò. :)
No, there are not many INFJs in my country. Italy is very extraverted, sometimes I think I was born in the wrong place :D It's so nice to know that there are other INF people here, we are a bit like unicorns, from what I know.
I'm doing as you say. Get up, dress up, and show up.
I don't have many certainties in this moment, but I'm sure that you are exactly right in this.
((( hugs you)))
Sigh..................
Hugs!!!