This man has been abusive and created much family grief over the years before abandoning my friend. Now he wants to come "home" because he has lung cancer. My friend doesn't have her own home, but lives with a sister who allowed him to be brought in while medical appointments and hospital visits were coordinated.
This man is still verbally abusive although this kindness was given to him. My friend cannot care for him as she has post polio syndrome and is very frail, in her 70s and could not withstand the hardship, nor is her sister willing to let him stay in her home. The man is currently in the hospital receiving treatment. My friend is beside herself with fear that she will be held responsible for any debt or caregiving responsibility. He simply cannot come back to stay with them. He's been living several states away in a van with is now uninhabitable. What can she do to protect herself from this burden? He is not a veteran and has gone through all his money, though he does receive social security. That's it.
Since the OP has not returned, I think we need to stop posting to this thread.
If he has any children or relatives at all - contact all of them and let them know he needs some help. You can give that contact info to the hosp and dr, as well. If hospital happens to call her/her sister when time for discharge, you tell them to call other family members because he has no residence with her.
Regardless of what she decides to do, she will need therapy.
If she decides to take him back, she needs to set the condition that he attends couples therapy.
If she never divorced, she also needs an attorney. Death is expensive in America and she may be responsible for the medical bills as his wife.
This will be hard no matter what.
It might be unspeakable hard.
Help her build the network she will need to get her thru it
She didn’t remarry though. Can you imagine going through this? Having your husband say, “Honey, I am going out for cigarettes.” Then as his wife, never seeing him again!
I have heard police say that not all missing person cases are cases of people that are missing. They assume new identities and live as other people.
People take taxis or Ubers if no one is there to pick them up. Let’s hope he doesn’t return to her house. I totally agree with NotGoodEnough and Geaton. She needs to speak with her divorce attorney ASAP!
What a sad situation for her to be in.
Most of all - your friend should see a lawyer to make sure she will be free of any responsibilities to her estranged husband - legal separation and/or divorce.
At this point, wolflover451 response is correct. She should contact the social worker/ discharge coordinator at the hospital ASAP, explain her situation and tell them she cannot care for him under any circumstances. She should feel NO guilt whatsoever for an abuser who abandoned her. Why she agreed to "pick him up from the airport" in the first place is beyond me. HER sister (with whom she lives) states she is "not willing to let him stay in her home." Case closed. Inform the hospital of that and they will have to find other arrangements for him as he cannot safely be discharged if he cannot care for himself. If he can care for himself, then it's up to him to find a place to stay. Does he have family members on his side? If he's abusive, I doubt they want anything to do with him either. Again, she should consult with a divorce attorney. She should have done that years before when he abandoned her.
She does need to file something stating their “relationship”.
I really see no problem here. Just say NO. Love it when they are sick and maybe dying and they think the ex should care for them. I have seen many a spouse walk away when things get tough. The law doesn't tell them they have to come back and care for the sick spouse. So I don't see why anyone in their right mind would expect an estranged spouse to do anything.
Also, I would call the Hospital and tell them that he has no one to care for him and she is not able to and tell the Hospital to make arrangements for a Nursing Home for him.
Probably see a lawyer advised by the lawyer thinks she could be tied to any of his current/future debts. Maybe officially disolve the marriage or be advised if the length of time can support that.
The guy has no one because he is abusive and now he has to live with his consequences. Harsh but he was harsh. She has a heart and he will take from her again. These situations never go well. The sooner she cuts communication in all ways the better.
Don’t answer his calls and don’t open the door.
Straight up narcissist, who needs it?
You are right. If the abandoned wife and SIL start asking questions with social workers that's admitting to having taken some responsibility for him. They shouldn't do it. Once social workers and social services get a bit like that between their teeth, they'll use all the tactics available to them to make these people take him back.
They will promise all kinds of help and support which no one ever gets. They will even make threats about them having a legal responsibility to care for him and how they can get in trouble if they don't.
It's all a big crock and these women should not go asking around with social workers.