SO - without too much detail I will start with saying my mom is a strong Italian Woman who raised 4 kids (2 of which, me and my brother were utter monsters until we grew up and became functioning adults ;)... She has always been a happy and relatively easy and fun loving woman but 5 years back my father finally left the marriage as she had already spent several years by then berating and treating him in the horrific manner she has begun to treat me and my siblings without provocation warning or real explanation/reasons... At first we wrote off her incredibly hurtful and uncharacteristic outbursts as pain from divorce or other emotional struggles but as she gets more time away the divorce is only seeming to worsen its pull on her she speaks of my father leaving as if he walked out yesterday but its been over 5 years now and she honestly hated him so why she would care that he left is beyond me. She was given enough money and real estate to live beyond comfortably and the mom I knew would be living the dream and enjoying these days which could be spent in utter happiness and freedom helping people generously in the ways she loves to do with both time and money seeing as she is beyond set for life but instead she is in this whirlwind of emotional chaos and lashing out at everyone in ways again, totally against the way she is at her core... she becomes inconsolable over things like a broken coffee mug and lately cries (or scream cries rather) from bed time around 11 pm literally until well after the sun comes up and then either "doesn't remember crying" so she says or she says "I just got worked up about your stupid father leaving me right when we were suppossed to be enjoying life only to have me remind her that she hates my dad, that she is actually free without him as she has always wanted to be as my dad god bless him was a terrible drunk who was oppressive and scary at times.... Nothing I say can console her and she is even drinking sometimes too much now which only worsens all problems (I never in my life saw her drink more than a small glass of wine my entire life) she says cruel, devestatingly hurtful things and pretends or truly doesnt remember and starts and instigates arguments for no apparrent reason and I guess I am strating to be very concerned that this increasingly abnormal behavior has little or nothing to due with divorce and more to do with some form of cognitive decline or dementia related illness but when I have tried to broach the subject of her getting a routine neuro-exam as a newly minted senior (66 yrs old) she is angered that I would dare tell her, a Registered Nurse of 45 years what she needs medically and I am exhausted from her nightly terror wail/cry sessions and near constant emotional abuse again as her biggest fan and alley in life is very misplaced as her oldest (and brightest / most handsome son ;) we have always been best friends and whether I was running my business with 40 employees and the pride of our family or fresh out of the county jail (as I was a troubled youth for sure!) she was never critical of me and always the person I could talk to without fear of this kind of incredibly hurtful and cruel behavior and judgement its like she is fast becoming another person and I have no idea what to do if she will not agree to see a doctor!!! If anyone has been here and has advice on how to get her the diagnostic help she needs I would be eternally grateful as I said she is a nurse and assumes she knows everything about her own medical conditions so she is very combative in regards to any suggestions of seeking help or simply having a checkup even so thanks for reading and god bless/thank any and all for your help suggestions and support. I am here to speak with and support anyone else in need as I am finding this job of caring for my beloved mother to be the toughest and loneliest job I have ever done and I have done a lot! - Ryan - THANK YOU!
Warning, this is going to sound harsh and judgmental -
You are painting a picture of family dysfunction that you seem to be completely blind to, while your mother may be struggling with addiction and/or depression it is your enmeshment that I find most troubling, no 66 yr old RN needs to be "cared for" in the way you imply. There are many threads on this forum that have opened my eyes to the ways that a parent can totally manipulate a child even into adulthood and beyond. You must be aware that people need to want help before they will change, I think that the best thing you can do is to get some counselling to learn to set some boundaries of your own and stop propping up this situation.
Good luck!
Whichever is true, she needs a thorough workup ... and you need some distance from the situation. If humanly possible ... move away! Even if it's to stay with friends/relatives until you can work up to a place on your own.
You'll probably want to consider therapy for yourself, as well. Family entanglements are the *worst* ... even for the most reasonable adult human.
(TMI: I'm 64, and widowed almost 7 months ago. I miss him every nanosecond of every day ... but NO WAY would I put our son through this. Also, NO WAY would he let me, and that's a good thing!)
We care. Please keep us posted!