Last night was the worst day I can remember since August 1995. That is when MIL died. My last grandparent died within just a couple days of that. So last night DW started one of her hollering gigs. No word, just a loud hollering. Then it turned into her hollering for Nanay(Mother) That got to me. Heart strings hurt when pulled on. I politely told her that Nanay was dead when she passed. I then saw her eyes well up and her nose started running. I repeated myself as was necessary. We both sat there and cried for about an hour. I was not going to lie to her. Of course it hurt her as it did me. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to handle this situation I guess this is a sign that she is getting worse. I will hang on as long as possible before I take other actions. I was wondering if a mild sedative would help when she gets into this hollering/yelling? And I mean mild enough to just get her to calm down and rest. It can go on for an hour or more. She did have a very good day Sunday. An old friend that she has not heard from in over two years came over for a visit and stayed 8 hours, fixed two meals and DW ate like a horse. Everybody was happy about that. It gave me a chance to get groceries and unlax a bit. Then we slept for a few hours.
You recognize what's happening, and that's probably the first step to acknowledgment that behavior segues beyond the control of the individual and/or caregiver. But still, it's a painful and unsettling experience.
I don't know much at all about sedatives and whether or not they would be helpful. But I think your being there, holding her and crying together, is probably one of the best forms of comfort that can be offered.
Do you think music would help?
I hesitate giving her new liquids since she may not like them and just spit them out, all over everything and anybody (me). She does that with water and was doing it with fruit and foods.
I doubt music would help. She may not hear it or just ignore it but it is worth a try. I have nothing to lose.
https://www.free-alzheimers-support.com/fidget-quilt-for-dementia/
there are other examples online
Wow that's got to be tough. My heart goes out to you both.
After DW cried for an hour re-mourning her Mom's death, do you still feel you won't lie to her? I'm not saying I think you should or shouldn't. I'm just wondering if you think it was the way to go?
I give my Momma a sedative when she's upset. I feel it's the least I can do. She's going through so much emotional and physical pain, which I have no control over. Any little comfort I can give her, I do without hesitation.
Hang in there Sailor, you are a glowing example of what a real husband is!💕
I have never heard of a worry quilt. It sounds similar to the Greek worry beads. She does spend a whole lot of time picking her finger nails. But for some reason she would just start yelling or shouting some strange sound or word. It could be what she perceives on the TV as exciting her.
I think that at times she believes what she is watching is real.
I am going to check with the DRs on a sedative that is mild and , if needed, can be given a second dose.
I really appreciate the advise and concerns expressed here. It really helps. I think about much of it most of the day.
I am not much of a New Ager, truth be told, nor flower girl, nor even very good at keeping a straight face when it comes to alternative medicine. But the reason I think Bach remedies aren't a complete waste of a few dollars is
they're *definitely* harmless
they help you feel that at least you've tried
the placebo effect still needs quite a lot of explaining yet
I did get to sleep when I used the night-time one.
So. If they do get back to me with anything promising I'll pass it on.