I just wanted to post about what I did for my mother's driver's license issue in case someone else is having this issue.
Background; For a couple of years mom was getting lost driving to familiar places. Mom was diagnosed with macular degeneration and could only drive during the day. Put one of those trackers on the car and had it signal my phone whenever she left home. Usually was ok but a couple of times drive very far out of the way, more than an hour from home. Didn't reason to turn around. Had to leave work with my husband to go get her. Then mom lost my stepfather in 12/18. They had just moved into ALF together. Convinced mom to stay, sold the home. Stepfather's plan was to give the car away. Went to eye doctor who convinced her that she was no longer able to drive. From that day mom didn't drive. Tried to revoke license with the state (FL) that was a huge mess even with dr's form. Convinced mom that she needed current id, and went to DMV By surrendering license and getting state ID it made it so much easier. Should have done that first instead of going through the revocation process - which we never finished.
By the way, I'm a little shocked that you thought it was ok for your mom with bad vision to be on the road because you were tracking her. Did it ever occur to you she could cause an accident and hurt/kill someone else? My uncle killed his own wife by going through a stop light because his family didn't have the courage or wisdom to do the right thing. Fortunately he didn't hurt the other people. For this reason I do not condone the "tracking" thing...it just delays doing what needs to be done: take away the car and license and make the roads safer for others.
There are smart and compassionate ways to transition LOs out of driving and most people unfortunately don't do it well. I made a huge effort to replace my aunt's driving needs with rides from family, friends and neighbors, calling her church to find others to carpool with, and hiring an in-home care agency to provide a companion to take her on errands. She has enjoyed the company and attention.
when it wouldn’t start...had it towed to a storage yard.
next week...my Dad got the annual car insurance bill....he almost choked.... said he would stop driving completely before he would pay that rip-off price.
ok....done.
The reality is. ANY ONE of us can kill someone while driving. You. Me. OP. Everyone.
The reality is, many of us have a loved one who shouldn’t be driving
The reality is, getting them to stop driving is usually easier said than done.
The reality is, a whole lot of people continue driving even after the DMV revokes their license.
The OP deserves no criticism or judgement here. No need for guilt trips.
there are many variables as to when and how to end the driving. In my case with my dad I got no help from his doc, the local police or the state. I was caught in that Crazytown of competence, but not really....
I disagree with Gaeton. I used a tracking device on my dads car for about 3 years. It is not a solution, true enough, but it helped me watch him ever so closely . I’m glad I had it and highly recommend the devices. But much better to install them then sooner than later. If granny is running over mailboxes a tracking device won’t help.
Eventually I could see him start to wander. Never a scratch on the car mind you, he could drive like a champ so it was hard to prosecute my case.
A few days after mom had to go into care, I disabled the car (just pull the starter relay out. It’s in the fuse box under the hood) and was able to move him in with mom.
On day three in care, he was demanding to get his car, slugged a nurse and was drug off to the local psychiatric ward. We got through it but it was a rough patch.
If someone is concerned enough about a LOs driving maybe they should get in the car with them as a passenger a few times to make an accurate judgement. Transitioning out of the need to drive can be done through finding replacement drivers and alternate modes from family, neighbors, friends, congregants, and companions hired from in-home care services. This is what I did for my aunt in FL and I live in MN. I found out where my aunt drove regularly and how far. I found permanent alternatives for those routes. Eventually I hired a care service and her companion takes her anywhere she wants to go.
FYI I was able to make the report to the FL DMV on my aunt anonymously. Not sure if this is true in every state, but most likely.
To everyone, yes I could have gotten rid of the car but we have to keep the car because my car sits too low to the ground, and so her car is at the ALF for when we need it. I am the only one with the keys now.