I am fairly estranged from Dad. He has done things in the past and continues to that are in my book unforgivable.
My brother and his family (dad lives in their suite) needed a holiday and in the past I have house/pet sat for them. This year it was house/pet and Dad sit.
It is hard being near an abuser, but I am glad I did it. Luckily Dad does not need hands on care, but he needs someone to check in on him a few times a day and do a few chores he can no longer do himself. laundry, change the sheets etc.
Unfortunately, Dad did not recognize how much my brother needed a break and called him every day. There was nothing I could do about that.
My brother and his family came home to a clean house, with all the laundry done and Dad well take care of.
I did discover that the smell of stale urine triggers my gag reflex. Emptying Dad's over high urinal the first time had me close to vomiting. I learnt after day one to take a deep breath and hold it until I was finished. I have huge respect for those of you who deal with bodily fluids on a daily basis.
Either can I stand the smell of bodily fluids. I too gag. I hated toileting Mom and prayed that she would not do a #2 every day. My GF was a NA doing all the dirty work. I told her I do not know how she did it.
I would think that after a certain number of uses, a urinal should be discarded and replaced with a new one. They are not expensive. That smell probably gets into the plastic that even bleach will not touch. Maybe he should use two. He rinses out one and lets it air dry while using the other and just rotates them.
I have been on both sides of this.
Told "that doesn't work for us - you'll need to work something else out". OK, had to respect the No. (Respite care was arranged instead).
Also said no to pet sitting when holidays overlapped & got an ear of "But I need.. can you change your holdiay?"
Had to enforce my no. (Alternative pet sitter arranged). I still laugh/frown thinking of asking my Boss to change my long applied for leave to suit someone else's pet! 😂😡 Come on!
You DO get a choice.
If you CHOOSE to Dad/house/pet sit of your own free will - do so 😊
If you have a line in the sand you can see approaching, flag it now 🚩. Eg once daily physical care for Dad is needed, that's my no. Bathing No. Toileting No.
Communicate this clearly with Brother so he has plenty of time to research & make alternative arrangments.
Expect pushback - coz it currenlty works. But it needs to work for ALL of you.
If you find yourself back in this position, my daughter the RN has a trick she uses for cleaning up messes that stink: 2 paper masks: the first one is covered in toothpaste, and then you put another one over the first. It masks all odors rather beautifully.