94 y.o. mom, still insists on living alone. on oxygen, weighs 95 lbs, wobbly, unsteady, barely eats. still mentally capable of making her own decisions, and has stubbornly refused, for 10 years now, to give up her home. in past year, she truly has become a danger to herself, forgetful, easily confused, and very weak. 6 kids have exhausted every tactic, persuasion, argument, and still she won't budge. I am closest, and I live 90 minutes from her. worried sick, as are my siblings. has anyone dealt with this?
Probably what your real goal is is to prevent suffering. Is that right? What measures might you take that would contribute toward that goal? A medical alert system comes to mind. Meals on Wheels or some method of seeing that she has meals she does not have to prepare. Two calls from her children daily (on a rotating basis). Perhaps someone to help her bathe weekly. Certainly housekeeping help. What else?
You cannot ensure that she lives forever. Is there anything that could reduce her risk of suffering? Perhaps she could accept that more readily than what she sees as loss of control.
You thought she needed to give up her house ten years ago. By being stubborn, she was able to have a full decade of additional "independence." Maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.
I like the story EMilie shared. If Mom truly is "still mentally capable of making her own decisions," maybe your focus could be on how to minimize the risks inherent in her decisions.
Feel blest to have her in my life, but just get so frustrated with her stubbornness sometimes....
Hugs to all of you out there!
I ask my MIL who did you do something for today? If it is true that there is more happiness in giving than in receiving, maybe that's why so many elders are so unhappy. If they can talk they can call a friend, If they can write they can send a card. they can smile at their caregiver. I pray to God I remember this in 20 years. Encourage your mother to do something for someone else.