my 94 yr old mother is hard of hearing. She refuses any help we have given her. I have to go to my room and shut the door to handle the loud tv and then she says I am neglecting her. She tells me she can't hear and she can't help it if it bothers me. How do I handle this.
One thing that was very difficult for me to come to terms with was my unimportance in the eyes of others I started caring for my mother and father. I had to become comfortable with this, however. The care receiver is the primary concern of themselves and others. I believe when it comes to older people, their thoughts are I am old, so I need this. A cg just has to find it in them to adapt, IMO. Of course, we have to set limits on how much we adapt. In your case, it sounds like you do just what you needed -- went to your room to get away from the loud TV. And when she feels neglected, just say it was too loud for you, so you thought you would go in your room so she could enjoy the show.
I spend a lot of time in my room in the evening. I just can't tolerate watching sitcom reruns all evening each evening. It would drive me batty. Some of the shows I can almost recite already. :)
(The fact that it would make your life more bearable is not to be mentioned. As Jessie says, your mom's only concern is her own needs. But if something meets her needs you don't have to confess you bought it for yourself!)
I doubt that I could have survived long as a caregiver without a wonderful wireless headset for the television!