My father is 83 and lives alone in his own home. He seems to be rapidly declining into dementia. My mother died of Alzheimer's disease 3 years ago, and it looks like he is headed in the same direction. He is losing his ability to perform and/or understand daily tasks, and recently did agree to allow a caregiver into the home for a few hours a week (2 hours a day, 3X a week). I think he needs more.
i have had to make 3 trips there in the past month and a half. It's a 10 hour drive, I am his only child. He doesn't want to move closer to me, and doesn't want to go to assisted living. How do I convince him to accept more help, and where do I turn?
He maintains that he is just fine and managing well. This is totally untrue. Today he called me to tell me that he was locked out of his house for hours, and had to drill the lock out of the door. He has keys outside the house, he claimed his caregiver locked all the deadbolts (not true).
I do have DPOA, and he has enough money to fund whatever option we decide on. It is a matter of getting him to agree. His caregiver called this morning, he basically destroyed the front door lock trying to get in, now the door is not usable. Have started to keep a record of all this stuff to document all these little incidents that add up to a lot...he always has an excuse, he made a mistake, or someone else did it, etc.
He sees a dr. and a psychiatrist ...I have been to both with him. Problem is, he presents fairly well, it's the daily stuff that they don't see that is the issue..Regular MD did say they were 'very concerned' about his memory, but didn't offer any further advice. I plan to reach out to both of them for suggestions.
After speaking with caregiver this morning, I'm inclined to make another trip, I was hoping to stay home until Thanksgiving anyway...at this point, I maybe will go there and stay through until then. I do have a full time job, but am fortunate to be able to work remotely whenever I want to.
I've spent this morning looking into assisted living, there's a really nice place near him. I'm going to gather the information and make him go and look at it next time I'm there. There are actually not too many choices in his area. I'm going to hang in and try not to go back down there until Thanksgiving.
This is extra hard for him, as my mother died of Alzheimer's and he was her caregiver, and saw it all....it is his greatest fear to end up like she did. I don't know if he has alzheimer's, I am calling it dementia for now. I got the DPOA etc and all financial arrangements were made during her illness. I'm also going to try to get him in to see a gerontologist, if I can find one. Or someone who is more specialized than his GP.
In some ways, he manages ok, he still drives, although on a very limited basis. It's more of inappropriate reactions, like the thing with the door...there's a whole list of stuff like that, although not as extreme...but it all adds up to not competent.
Caregiver (who he thinks of as a cleaning lady) told me today that he didn't eat the food she left for him, but went to the store and got some Stouffer's. I had been making a large amount of food when I visited and freezing it in single portions. He didn't want caregiver to cook, so last time, I didn't cook for him, and he agreed to 'try it' with her preparing some meals. Guess this is his way of not accepting this!