Mom with dementia makes up stories that she believes are true.

Abby, sometimes we just need to go to the world she lives in now... and not expect her to live in ours.... if she believes these things to be true, it's really not hurting anyone....and they all want to go home.... so that is normal for her... possibly try to redirect her when she wants to go home, or maybe ask her what she misses about home, sometimes they just get stuck on a subject and that's what thier world consists of... no harm.... trying to convince her otherwise is futile, upsetting for both of you, so just go to her world... she may be lonely in hers.... sending you hugs for being a daughter that wants the best for her mom...

My mom is at home; but the "stories" and elaborations are common with my mom. I agree with ladee's post above. All true experiences. I just listen and am patient and have stopped trying to correct her perception. I just accept it and wait for her to move on. Hard because they get in "a loop" like this and it likely will be repeated whenever you visit. Sorry you are going thru this -- but take a look at any discussions/questions here regarding "dementia" and you will see it is common and difficult phase.

Don't know if you have pictures of the old house or rooms, special momentos that you can give her to let her remember and cherish; but she might find a blanket, towel, pillow case, etc. from her old home comforting.

My mother writes her own stories quite often. She has also rewritten history. For example, yesterday she was talking to my aunt on the phone. She told her how we used to burn leaves in the backyard because there were no houses behind us -- only woods. We never burned leaves that I've seen and the houses behind us were here before we moved in. I don't bother to correct. Mostly it is just harmless stories. But the truth is that one can't believe a thing that she says anymore. She twists details of most things, takes real events and puts them in the wrong time or place, or just makes things up at the moment. After she says these things, they become fact. Strange thing is that she can remember the imagined truths and forget the real ones. The only thing I hope is that her confabulations don't become harmful.

I'm hiding today. My mother came up with a long to-do list for me. We need to do this today, and we need to do that. (sigh. tired)

As you can see from the other posts embellishing or plain making up stories is common in dementia. It doesn't happen in every kind of dementia or to every person with the disease, but it is happening with your mother. This is not something you can change. Accepting it gracefully is generally less stressful for the caregivers than fretting over it and trying to change what can't be helped.

It sounds like so far your mother's fantasies are pretty benign. If she gets to a point where her stories distress her -- she thinks her son has said horrible things or is stealing from her, etc. -- then you need to come up with ways that will comfort her, which is a lot harder. For now, just go along with her stories.

And congratulations on understanding that she is not telling lies. She is experiencing symptoms of her disease.

Oh my, this sounds just like my mil, who is 89 and in AL for the past 18 mos. so I am interested in how others deal with this. My mil is fine 90% of the time, but the other 10% is totally loopy. From this site (I'm new) I learned about confabulation, and now, like JessieBelle, I've learned not to correct her or reason with her, but it's upsetting when she thinks I'm the one at fault, so naturally I want to defend myself. For instance, she stated last week she didn't know about a dr's appt. I take her to all appts. It was on her calendar, the aides give her a reminder card the day before, I call her the day before to remind her as well as when I leave the house to pick her up. She wasn't ready when I arrived! She said she didn't know about the appt.! Also, My husband and I sometimes have dinner with her at the facility. I make the arrangements and call her, and while on the phone ask her to write it on her calendar. When we arrive, she is not ready, says I never told her, and she'd remember if I did! She also added that I "must be the crazy one" thinking that I told her when I "certainly did not!" Arrgghhh...!!! Okay, I'm learning to deal with this, and now have my husband remind her of appts , as she's a bit less likely to go off on him. She does, however, sometimes make up stories about others, and that can be hurtful. Recently, she complained to the staff that one of her tablemates "smells", they checked it out, the woman did not. Also, she doesn't like my daughter's long-time boyfriend because he has "suspicious eyes" .(I did not reply to these comments, just said "Really?") One doozy was when she said a fiftyish -looking year old man was sleeping with one of the residents. I saw him at a dinner, and he was obviously the woman's son since he appeared to know the staff. Some of this is laughable, but I hope her stories don't become harmful or that others believe them. None of this phases my husband, but I take things more personally, and so Abby, just let it go. I'm finally learning to do that.

Thank you all for your comments. Mom just called me and said "the doctor just called and said he would be here tomorrow to release me". "The doctor" is a female Nurse Practitioner. She hasn't called. I think Mom creates her world around what she wants to happen. I don't argue with her or try to correct her. I do try to enter her world with her. Regarding the "wanting to go home" issue. It is my own guilty feelings that get in my way with this. I can see that she is so much happier and relaxed in her new environment, but she always talks about going home. Perhaps, she just is caught in that loop...as you said. Does she really want to go? Wouldn't she miss the friends she's made? Wouldn't she be scared again?

Abby, my husband also wanted to go home -- and he was home, in the house we'd lived in together for many years. The "want to go home" is pretty mysterious. Some think it is a desire to go to a childhood home when things were normal and pleasant. My husband's childhood was not normal and pleasant (he spent part of it in an orphanage) so that particular theory doesn't get my vote. Maybe it is just a desire to go back to a time when their mind was working normally and it isn't a physical place at all.

In any case, whatever it is that persons with dementia really want when they say they want to go home, it is not something we can give them. With luck and patience we can hope to help them feel comfortable and cared for and safe. But there is no need to feel guilty about the impossible, and guilt feelings just get in the way of a good relationship.

Yes, my mom also does this, Like they said it is common. The "Loop" is very common also. My mom does not want to let go of the past sometimes. The bad past also. She takes a situation and turns it around to make it fit to what she wants happen. All I can do is say is, Oh my or whatever.

My mother had a whole day of that today. We were decorating for Christmas -- well, I was. She spent the whole day getting ready to do something. She talked about how she had decorated the house last year. I had done it. She talked of how she bought the big bows for the porch railing. I had bought them for the sides of the house. She talked of how she wrapped tensil around the porch railings. Of course, I had wrapped them with garlands. When I told her I had done the buying and decorating, she said I had never done it, that she had done it all.

This morning she was really ragging on me about "us" getting the house decorated. About 3:00 I had most things done. She was still about to do her first thing -- set the little manger scene up. I told her that she had been so in a hurry, but she had not done a single thing yet. She said, "I knew if I said something, then you would get it done." I told her it was an awful, disrespectful thing to say. Sometimes I just don't know how I tolerate it. I do need respite seriously after the start of the new year.

Yes stories are very stretched with my mom too...she tells me that she had 13 kids and 3 husbands. I know the only person she was ever married to was my dad of 54 years and she had only 8 kids, not 13. But we just go with it..it's kinda comical sometimes. Because we really know the truth..and she thinks we are all amused by her stories, so she is happy.

My mother was diagnosed with dementia three years ago. She has lost her short term memory. She does not know the day of the week or the time of day. Anything that has taken place within thirty seconds to an hour cannot be remembered. When I go to visit, she is constantly asking what day is it and what time it is. Even though several calendars are hanging or are visibly available, she cannot comprehend them. I kindly respond with her questions even though it may be the 20th time that day. At this point, the "stories" that she tells are very detailed and realistic to her. The "stories" are told repeatedly and last per subject, about one month. Last month, she could not remember where she left her long red wool coat. (She never owned a long red wool coat). She gave details about where and when she bought it, the price, and what it looked like. At every visit or phone call , she asked if I would return it to her. She could not remember where she left it and was quite upset about finding it. After reading information on how to respond to someone with dementia, my comment to my mother was: "I will try to find it for you, please do not worry about it, the coat will turn up." This comment would at least calm her until she asked again. This month, she has not mentioned the coat, but has excitedly told and retold the "story" of a strange man phoning and telling her that he had been sleeping in her basement and was very upset because she had locked the door and he no longer could sleep there. Additional details are added to the "story" later. She added several days later that she saw this man on the street and gave details of what he looked like and how he responded to her. It is a sad situation to see her memory failing and to hear the detail of the "stories" and to know that in her "world" they are very real.

My mom does not drive, and does not feel comfortable going anywhere in their small town but to WalMart, and Wendy's. This is understandable because her world is getting smaller from the dementia standpoint. My dad is in his mid eightys and although his health is not the best, he still drives mom to both of these destimations for a short period of time each day, just to get out of the house and to be around other people. My mom usually finds total strangers to talk to when she is in public. Most people are kind to listen until my dad or one of my sisters can "rescue" her from them. I am thinking that she is speaking to someone that she knows until I ask who she was speaking to and my mom's reply is "I don't know who they were".

My mom's diet has diminished to eating a couple of spoonsful of oatmeal for breakfast, a Wendy's chicken sandwich for lunch and only peanut butter crackers or chocolate chip cookies. These are the only foods which she will eat. My sisters and I have attempted to prepare meals for both my mom and dad, but she has not accepted any other food. She throws them in the garbage after we leave. This is a concern for me, because neither of my parents are getting a balanced diet. Mom has always had a very controlling personality and that has not changed. Her dementia has only made her more difficult to talk to and help. She has the paranoia that I have read about, and does not like for my sisters and I to even talk to our dad. She thinks that we are talking about her and often questions our intentions of conversation. She does not allow or want dad to do anything without her knowledge and this means even walking in the yard or being out of the room. Most of the time my dad's health prevents him from doing anything other than napping or watering his plants in the yard. Dad is extremely patient and is trying to handle mom's situation. My sisters and I are concerned that dad's health is being compromised. He just does not have the strength some days to deal with her. On the other hand, mom is physically strong for a women of 80. Although she always prided herself in keeping a clean home and home cooking, she is not doing either right now. Laundry is one thing that she likes to begin and finish. My sisters and I are surprised to see small piles of strange items on the countertops or laying around the house that mom has left. A wadded up tissue, an empty container, or a partically eaten cracker. Usually during my visit, I gather these things and trash them without her seeing. Mom would never allow help to come to their home and she does not want us to help with anything around the house. I have tried to clean the bathroom or the kitchen and she gets easily offended at the attempt. I now take a tote of cleaning products with me when I visit and "sneak" them into the bathroom and close the door to quickly do what I can without her knowing.

Dad feels responsible for mom and even though it is a difficult situation, he is not willing to have her taken to a senior care facility. They have been together for over 60 years and I can understand how he feels. We offer at every phone call or visit to be of help in any way. Dad knows that we are ready at any time to help him out with this, but he tells us that right now he can handle her. My sisters and I know that mom is going to get worse and we would love to have a plan A and B just in case dad's health fails and we need to decide how to help mom. Sorry about this being lengthy, but right now, my sisters and I are stressed about the situation and want to do something to help.

If anyone out there has a similar situation that would like to share, I would be grateful for suggestions.

This sounds like a very hard and difficult situation. Does this seem to upset your dad or is he able to handle it pretty good? With his health issues it seems like this could very likely be affecting his health. I have close uncle with a similiar situation and would also like to know how to help the other elderly spouse. Anyone have any Ideas?

If Dad has POA or guardianship, you may want to make sure you or another sister are in there as alternate in case he ever can't continue, and that you have POA healthcare as well as financial things lined up in any event. What you are doing is very helpful, just going in and cleaning up what you can, and being around enough that you will be able to see if things are getting unmanageable or dangerous.

Your story made me remember how my Mom was terribly upset over a couple of tea towels she was sure she had just bought but could not find, and I finally resolved things by buying some tea towels I thought she might have liked and bringing them to her. She readiy agreed that yes, those were the tea towels in question and all was well. If she goes back to asking for it, and you find yourself typing "ladies long red wool coat M" into the search box on Ebay, rest assured you are just being practical :-)

Thank you, vstefans, for your comment. Yes, I agree with you on the POA. Those details are indeed taken care of. I did find an old red coat of mine that I had not worn in years and took it to her thinking that she would reconcile it to be hers and the missing coat would have returned to relieve her anxiety. The jesture did not work when she tried it on and found that it was not the coat that she remembered. I think that in this case, my dad convinced her to stop worrying about it and to stop mentioning it to us. Prior to my plan, he even took her to a local retail store to have her look for a new coat....but that did not work either. Well, in several weeks we had a different story to hear about....so the coat story has not returned.

Hi all,
I just moved my mom to an ALF, she is not talking much, but when she does, she thinks I'm either her sister, her granddaughter or an aid. It's been very hard for us as she doesn't recognized none of us, but if she sees pictures she knows who they are, even if I'm in front of her.
It's so sad and it's very very hard for me to go see her, and she thinks now, that I'm a long time friend. And last time I went to see her, she asked me to take her back to her place, because she has lots of things to "do" like cleaning up her place and do laundry.

I take care of my mother in law, she's 89 years old, in pretty good shape for the shape she's in and who's brain has shrunk faster than her body has aged. A lot of the time, she's fine. For us it's when she's talking to someone on the phone that the stories come out. Usually it's something to the order of her telling whoever that her brother from back east called and got a new job when in fact it was her grandson in Arizona that called and her brother passed last year. We refer to these things as "The world according to Gloria".

We choose to chuckle over the harmless tales she tells only correcting her if it makes a difference to whomever she's relaying information to. We both do this in a subtle way so as not to make her feel stupid.

Yes! I hear Mom on the phone talking to her sister in law and she definitely reinvents history. I don't correct her unless it's something I know my aunt would pass on to other, causing harm from the misinformation. Mom will also try to listen in on my phone calls and then repeat what I say to her SIL or others and she mixes up the story. She often talks about things she has done when in fact it was me doing it. She sometimes talks to my son about 'his dad' when she's talking about MY Dad. But this isn't all the time happenings, just occasionally.

My Mother-in-law tells stories or she adds to things people have told her. She is fine except for that. She is 81 years old. She can cook, bath, dress herself ect. I didn't know what these stories meant. It can be the start of dimentia??

I thought Dimentia was forgetting stuff. But it can be making up stories.

You are right, Irene728. Dementia is about forgetting stuff. But that is just one aspect of the disease. And in some kinds of dementia memory loss isn't even the first or the major symptom.

Let's home that your MIL continues to be able to handle activities of daily living for a long time. Her cognitive skills may continue to decline. Encourage her to do as much as she can as long as she can, but keep an eye out for safety considerations. If she can still cook, for example, but leaves burners on or uses moldy food from the back of the fridge, then it will be time to intervene.

As for telling stories, the responses in this thread address that. You can see you are not alone!

My mother also tells stories...but I understand them somewhat. She'll tell me that she used to be a waitress. The truth is she saw an episode of Alice and has confused the show with her own life. I smile and say, "Wow, that's great!" She also ask me if I remember the past when we were kids... and I say, "Which time are you thinking of?" After she tells me I'll say, "Ah good times that was!" It doesn't hurt her and it seems to make her happy. There was one lie she did tell that hurt a couple of people. I cleared it up by saying what she said probably isn't true and she likely said that because she has negative feelings towards the person (now deceased) and it trying to rationalize them by making up a reason for her feelings since she's forgotten why she feels the way she does. Lying goes against my grain, but I don't look at it as lying when I agree with her reality...I place it in the same category as Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny and the monster under your bed. We tell kids that Santa and the Easter Bunny are real because it makes them happy and we tell them there isn't a monster under the bed because we don't want them to be afraid. It's all about giving her peace of mind.

My mom makes up stories about people wanting to hurt her. She tells people about how abusive my dad was to her when my brother and I were young. She tells people that we were unruly and my dad never helped. My mom had the pleasure of being a stay-at-home mom. Dad sometimes worked two jobs. Mom is really paranoid now. She thinks people put a recording over the P.A. one day. My dad is in the nursing home with her and they fight due to her paranoia.

My husband who has dementia has started making up stories about things that have not happened yet. For example he told the neighbour in a telephone call that the funeral we went to was just lovely and there were so many people there. I was flabbergasted because the friend who had died has specified that he did not want a funeral so was privately cremated and a week later a gathering of friends and family was to be held. That was yet to happen when he was having the conversation with the neighbour. Because he is only in early stages of dementia people do not realise he is spinning yarns and believe him. I sometimes have a hard time convincing people that the stories are far from the truth. It certainly gets very frustrating! Gloria B - 19/07/15.

My husband who has dementia has started making up stories about things that have not happened yet. For example he told the neighbour in a telephone call that the funeral we went to was just lovely and there were so many people there. I was flabbergasted because the friend who had died has specified that he did not want a funeral so was privately cremated and a week later a gathering of friends and family was to be held. That was yet to happen when he was having the conversation with the neighbour. Because he is only in early stages of dementia people do not realise he is spinning yarns and believe him. I sometimes have a hard time convincing people that the stories are far from the truth. It certainly gets very frustrating! Gloria B - 19/07/15.

Yes....have been through this stage of dementia....I call it a personal reality...tell yourself something enough times....and viola!....to them it is true because they heard it somewhere.

My mom comes up with stories my sister and I know are not true. My mom told me that our dad came and got her out of the hospital one time and took her to the orange grove to have sex. We know better than that, our dad would have not done such a thing. The nurse's would have stopped them. That was scary hearing her say stuff like that. My mom never talked like that before. She is always adding stuff to the conversation that is not true. My sister that lives with corrects her all the time. Then it's a big fuss. I have tried to tell my sister to let it go, but she won't. Then my mom says, I don't know what I can say and what I can't. She forgot our dad's last name and they were married 27 years before he passed away. She remembered his first name. She talks constantly. Just rambles on about anything and everything. When you need to leave she just keeps talking. She does this when we go out to eat and the waitress can't leave the table. So sad.

vabirdtoyz, can you find some printed material from a good source explaining the advice to not correct dementia patients that you could share with your sister? Perhaps she'd take it more seriously from an "expert" than from a relative.

Great to see all this as my mother has started this. My brother is her caretaker at home and my husband and I visit from out town at least once a month. I always check with him after she tells her tales. Rarely are they accurate. So far we just roll with it, mostly. This is so good to read these other posts. Bless them all.

I'm new at this and new to the topic of dementia and Alzheimer's. As I read all the comments I find my self in similar situations in some, if not all, the comments. You see my mother in law has mild to maybe moderate dementia/Alzheimer's. There are "up" days and "down" days. Her mood swings are what gets to everybody in the house. Especially when she does forget things. For instance my husband and his dad had planned trip at least 2 months in advance and have been telling her nearly every day that they were going on a trip, letting her know the exact date and time there were leaving. When they actually left she got so upset that she started swearing saying they didn't tell her anything. Next day back to normal. A more recent incident is that she told my sister in law that my daughter had told her to get out of the house and claimed that I was there when my daughter said it. I assure you this never happened. She seldom comes out of her room, let alone, converses with any of us. It's hurtful that she says such things and even more upsetting when my in laws and husband tend to believe her and not think that it is part of her condition. Sometimes I feel like I'm at my wits end yet I know this is just the start of it and it's only going to get worse not better. Reading all your comments are a big help in knowing I'm not the only one.

My mother's confabulations got milder as her dementia got worse. She still comes up with some stories, but not as much. She still gets things in the past all wrong, but there's no harm there. Time doesn't have much meaning to her anymore. So it doesn't really matter if something happened in 2005 or 1950. She presses time together, with pieces put together that don't fit. For example, she'll say a choir director at church was there until 2 or 3 years ago even though he might have left when I was a child. She can't space time anymore.