My 75 yr old father lives with me and has become abusive and it's getting worse.
He has had 3 strokes and been in and out of nursing homes for the last 3 yrs. He always lives with me when not residing in a nursing home. He has been here 4 mths this time. He gets around really well but still needs some assistance. He is paralyzed on his right side. recently he became very agitated over my decision to purchase him a lift chair. (with his money) he became so out of control that I thought I would have to call the police. He tried to hit me with his quad cane and broke some of my things. he attempted to leave the house (we have 4 large steps at our front door) & he cannot manage these on his own. My son talked him into going into his bedroom and calming down. Tonite I got him ready for bed & went to check on him 5 minutes later & he was in an extra room we use for storage going thru an old dresser. when I asked him what he was doing he started yelling at me and accusing me of all kinds of things. (not letting him have a phone, he has no shoes, etc) then he came at me shaking and screaming in my face. recently he has asked me if someone lives in this extra room because he hears noises all nite. He talks about conversations we did not have. most of the time I just change the subject. But I do answer him about no-one living in the extra room. I reported this to his Dr last week and a psychiatric nurse came and spoke to him. he was very lucid when speaking to her and she acted like I had a problem! She even said he needed to live elsewhere. She is due here tomorrow for a follow up visit. he thinks she is coming to move him out. & call the police on me. Everyday he talks about going back to a nursing home and 10 minutes later he's gonna stay at home. I have 2 siblings but they do not help at all. I hired a lady to keep him company a few days a week so he can have company because he has no visitors. I figured he'd like some company. he does ,but doesn't want to pay her. he agreed to help with rent and utilities in exchange for me quitting my job to take care of him but tells everybody I'm stealing his money. I think he needs a psych eval at a hospital. How do I arrange for that? Also, when he gets so out of control that he could hurt himself WHO do I call and what do I say to make them take me seriously? I'm at my wits end.
8 Comments
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- My real question in all my venting is: is my mom just being manipulative or is she really that 'out there'?
- When to call Adult Protective Serices?
- Any suggestions on how to cope with a mother who makes constant verbal sounds?
- My father is giving up on life and he doesn't have a lot of money. WHAT DO I DO?
Everything you describe is consistent with dementia. I suppose it could be some other kind of mental illness, too. He definitely needs a psych eval, but I don't know whether it needs to be in a hospital setting or on an outpatient basis. Has he been tested for a urninary tract infection? That can bring on symptoms that look like dementia.
I feel sorry for your poor dad. He did not ask for this mental illness, and if he really understood what is going on, he'd probably be appalled. But bottom line for you is, you cannot put yourself in harm's way. No one needs to risk abuse. This time he broke some of your things. Next time what if he breaks your arm, or worse? He needs to live elsewhere. If he gets a clear diagnosis and he gets on some meds that calm him, you can reevaluate the situation. But for now, that nursing home sounds like a real good idea.
By the way, being lucid and charming in front of medical personnel and company is so common in dementia it has a name -- show-timing. If that psych nurse has any experience at all with dementia, she will know that.
Good luck!
Good luck. My thoughts are with you. {{{{rosie123}}}
Your father definitely requires a psych evaluation. If you are receiving any type of home health, a social worker can perform a mini psych evaluation. It sounds as though meets all the criteria for NH care, based on his daily activities of life.
Contact his primary care physician if you don't have home health and have him evaluated. It's for both your sake and his.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Wearing the T-shirt too..........you are not alone.
She is now living with her "favorite" neice for two months, and the neice is ready to drop her off at a nursing home. My cousin had no idea how my mother really acted. She thought that she could handle my mother because she is a tough cookie herself, but my mother is battering her emotionally. My mother of 83 years old is and has been a bully all of my life. She tries to bully me from 600 miles away and I no longer allow it. I don't care any longer.
I will not have my mother in my home treating me and my husband of 40 years with her outrageous abuse.
You are being abused. Even if it is dementia, why on earth should you put up with being abused?
Do whatever you have to do. Get a tape recorder from Radio Shack and tape him abusing you verbally. Get a camera handy and take a picture if he goes to raise his fist.
Do whatever it takes to prove to other people that you are being abused.
Document as much as you can. Document all expenses so that he cannot convince anybody that you are stealing if he so happens to be lucid when talking to them.
I know what you are going through and it is a nightmare.
Good luck.
Elizabeth