My husband has been bed-ridden since 2006. I used to rely on him to drive, fix up the house, and work. Okay, the money thing is always bad, and nothing will change that now. I, as well, am on SS Disability for mental issues, but I am seeing a doc and dealing with it. Depression right now is overwhelming, in spite of meds and counc. etc. Recently, I had a city worker come out to the house. I have to level my yard so it drains properly, put on a new roof, and generally get things better. I have a bad back, tendonitis in my shoulders, and am going to physical therapy to help that. I have already used the only help the city can give when the main water pipe busted last year in my yard. If I move, I owe that back. I don't have it to pay back, nor does hubby want to get rid of the house that's been in his family for 100 years.
Problem right now is I have to do all of this alone, with little to no help from those who I have helped over the years. I am feeling angry, furious, resentful of hubby for his illness that will not allow him to help, and I want to lay down in the front yard and scream until the men with the white jackets come to take me away. I'm also sobbing far too much.
I'm also ordering my son, who does still live here when he isn't roaming with his friends, to stay home tomorrow to finish up a small portion so I can reward myself. I want to put my roses in the ground before it rains tomorrow night. He can finish it in an hour, when it would have taken me days to do it. I kinda expected Mommy's day to include the kids coming over with shovels in hand, but I was dreaming again. I barely got phone calls. I'm feeling angry, resentful, and hurt. But that won't stop me from saving this house.
BTW, I'm just curious: if your son lives there, why did you call your daughter to help out with the house your son lives in? I'll bet your son would be very upset if your daughter called on him to keep a roof over her head but he was fine with letting his sister sort things out about keeping the roof over his head for the house he lives in.
Son did, when he realized the state I was in, give me a hug, and tell me he'd help. But he's a lazy kid, and we'll see what kind of help it'll be. Daughter and me, well, we're also best friends. She's 24, but she's been through so much in her life since leaving home that she acts and thinks much older. Plus, son would rather let daughter deal with distraught mother. lol but yes, definitely, I'm not allowing him to leave the house until I feel enough work has been done each day. I'm a soft touch, but I don't want to be leveling the yard forever. And daughter will be here with kids and boyfriend on Sat. to help if it doesn't rain. I'm hoping Sunday will bring my stepson over, but he's got pneumonia, and he's also a bit of a hypocondriac, so not counting on it.
But, my goal for tomorrow is to have my roses in the ground on the fourth of the yard I want finished by tomorrow night.
of course that also meant no work on the yard. and my house is trashed, since I've been working on the yard. Not sure how today will go. forecasting rain for later, but if the ground isn't too bad, I might go out and dig some. Once the yard is level, I can worry about other things. If it's just too muddy, I'll do some laundry. lol Still feeling very angry and hurt about being abandoned by those I thought cared about me, but realizing if I cannot do it myself, then I'm not the person I want to be.
Lisa, you need support and help, not more liabilities:(
I kicked my son out of the house when he was 18 because he would not get up on time for work in the morning. He straightened himself out and now at 33, is top of sales and service at a major dealership. Tough Love works! xoxo
He's going to be working all day to make up for yesterday. He did apologize. In fact, he went to the 'I suppose you hate me now' routine. ugh. I answered that I hated what he did, not him. Usually, he's helpful. But he's got this new group of girls he's been hanging with and turned into a lazy ass. It'll either change or I'll kick him out. I'm giving him a week to straighten up and help more. Work at this point wouldn't help more, so I'll give him until fall to either find a job or go back to school. AHa! daughter's here. Gotta run! :D
I have bowed to the fates. I'm looking at a rental property on Wednesday that will suit our needs, if I can get it. Main floor was redone for a handicapped boy, so hubby will fit right into it. It's actually a LOT better than the place we have, but, in order to do this, I have to let this house go into foreclosure. This house has been in hubby's family for over a century. It's sad when 5k of roof repair forces us to leave.
Now I don't know what to do with myself. I'm not wanting to clean, work on anything. Nothing belongs to me anymore, and I feel abandoned by those I thought loved me and hubby. BTW, it's hubby's birthday on the ninth, and he may lose his lifelong home for his birthday and father's day. Thanks kids. sigh. I feel for him more than me. I already lost my gramma's house, which was my childhood home. I know how it feels, and he feels it deeper because the house was left to him to care for and he failed.
His blood sugar is out of control due to stress, and he doesn't want to do anything but sleep. He's so angry with the kids that I know he's hiding a lot of hurt and abandonment feelings. Says the only family he has left is me. That makes me weep, because he's got 4 kids, and a bunch of grandkids that could make his life less lonely. But he's the type that keeps a grudge for years, possibly for life.
I'm just so sad all I can do is cry.
I hope you can find a rental property that is light and airy and will improve your mood. If the house is dragging you into the mud, I would say just let it go and get on with life. If the children want to keep it in the family, maybe they can purchase it. If they don't want to do that, there doesn't seem to be much point in hanging onto an estate that no one wants.
Often in life we lose everything we thought we had. But these things are just stuff. In the end, they don't matter at all. Maybe if things are happier, the family will come around more. Let us know how it goes.
A large backyard for a garden for me. Central air, etc. It's perfect. About 30 min away from here, and only 15 min from my daughter. If I can't get this place, I think it might be a sign from God to get the roof fixed. lol Actually, I think this place may be the sign from God to move.
But I'm still very angry with the stepson, and it'll be a while before I can forgive him for abandoning us after making false promises. Well, with the 2-20, I can even hook up the hot tub John got a few years ago and it just sits. Perhaps then I can sit and soak while looking at my beautiful, wonderful garden. That's what it's going to take to convince my heart. I think. Positive pictures in my head.