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Last night my parents, age 70 & 74 and living independently down the street from me, declared they are basically "done" with life. They say they see nothing out there for them. My father admits he is basically trying to kill himself with alcohol. This in spite of the fact that they are in good health (other than alcohol and depression), have a nice home, good financial situation, and one child (me) that watches out for them daily and brings no drama to their lives. They refuse to seek help for their depression. I don't know what to do. My mom's mom lived to 96. When I try to tell my mother she probably has another 20+ years ahead of her, all she says is she hopes not to live much longer. I'm tearing my hair out this morning!!!!!!! They say they don't want to live to an age to become a burden on me. They don't seem to have a clue that they are quickly becoming a burden at this point with their behavior. I run my own business and work 6.5 days per week, and spend my only time off (Sunday afternoons) at thier house while they tell me how awful life is and how they are "done" and they are too old to have positive things going on in their lives. We discuss things like cremation, burial, inheritance, physical ailments, and they bad mouth pretty much everyone they know. Then I go home, crash out in bed, and here I am, its Monday, up hours before the sun trying to get my work week started again. This sux.

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Seek help from the council on aging or the national association on mental health. They can send a social worker out to the home for a proper evaluation. I have been through this myself.
Hugs,
Suzanne
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What a terrible burden for you. Your parents are relativity young and have their health. We have friends/family that age still traveling the world, working or doing volunteer work everyday. My 76 yr old neighbor still mows his yard and they both are out in the garden digging a few days a week. How did your parents fall through the enjoying life loop? Do they have outside interests that could become important in their lives again? Are there friends/family nearby that could get them involved in activities.

I agree an evaluation is in order. A visit to the doctor is probably in order as well. I do understand if your parents have been like this their entire adult life, you are fighting an uphill battle. There is just so much life left in them, not to mention the time with you, that should be enjoyed and savored.

I wish you the very best. You have to find your own happiness. There is only so much we can do to change another's outlook.
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Thank you both for commenting. The crazy thing is my parents were health nuts, marathon runners for decades, etc., volunteered at an animal shelter for years. They gave it all up about a year ago. They have shut out all family and friends to the point of being super rude, then people call me and ask what's going on. I lie. I am an only child. I think I am the only person they interact with anymore. In 2011 my Mom & I met every Sunday and ran 5 miles. Now she barely walks down the driveway to get the newspaper. I try to convey to them that healthy people their age ARE out traveling and doing positive things. They are very dismissive of that and say they have already done the things they want to do and there is nothing left. I may check with our local senior center and see what services are available for us. We live in central Florida, the retiree capital of the world, and there are soooo many things here geared toward people over 65. My parents will have none of it! Thanks for responding, I am alone in this situation and am at a total loss!
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Floridakid, I feel for you. After my father retired, he pretty much was done with life, too. He spent the next 20 years sitting in a chair by the window. My mother soon followed suit, spending 20 years taking care of him and watching TV. They chose not to interact with people. There was nothing anyone could suggest to get them out of the decision to withdraw. We can't make our parents do things they don't want to do. We can only encourage them and set up opportunities.

I can understand why older people pull in. The US is so geared to the young and is bad for the self esteem of older people. I know I feel it myself. As we become older, we become invisible. Someone who doesn't want to learn ballroom dancing or play bingo or cards is often left out. But there are other things to enjoy -- birdwatching, hiking, gardening, luncheons with friends. Having something they look forward to gives people a reason to get up in the morning. The trick is finding something that is enjoyable. Floridakid, do your parents enjoy cooking, shopping, or outdoor activities? Do you think one or both might enjoy helping out with a charity? It would be great if they found something they looked forward to doing, either together or separately.
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JessieBelle - thank you for commenting. I agree with you...our youth oriented culture is bad for self esteem of older people. I am 45, and I realized after 40 I had entered a group that is largely invisible in the media and pop culture. My parents are former California hippies, and I think they just did not expect to grow "old". My parents used to enjoy many activities - running, hiking, reading, volunteering, but no more. I am beginning to accept that they are choosing their own lifestyle, and trying to live mine in a positive way without letting them bring me down too much. I can't make them happy or make them interact with the world. The problem is now it's becoming my problem, since they are not maintaining their home, or even going grocery shopping and eating regularly. I have a feeling one of them (or both) will be in the hospital soon.
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What I think. Unless they have some sort of memory loss is that they need a change in there life style. My mother is 91 and has dementia. My mother has been always active loves to go out be around people loves action and still does but there are times when she says because her body wont let her is I hate the way I am and sometimes says she wishes she was dead. That hurts be so bad to hear that come from her. But then again shes up and ready to go out eat somewhere and want to dance and go to the club and I have taken her out to the club not to long ago and felt so much better I got a little Chihuahua dog and that makes her happy cause that little dog is always happy skips and jumps and so funny to watch. try a pet my mother loves birds to she loves to take care of it and watch them. She also loves the park so I take my time out and take her there or hire someone else to take her I do try different things it does help. All you can do is try!...
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You say that your parents are healthy. Depression is a health issue. I would do everything you can to get them treated for that. It doesn't sound like that will be easy but don't give up until you are successful or have exhausted every ploy, trick, coaxing, begging, reasoning you can think of. Negotiate with them for an evaluation and three months of following a treatment plan (drugs and/or counselling). And then back off.

From personal experience I can tell you that depression prevents someone from thinking clearly and making good decisions. And it robs people of initiative. It is hard for a depressed person to decide to get treatment -- what's the use? Live isn't worth living anyway. It is hard to take an action, like joining a bird watcher club. And from personal experience I can tell you that treatment is available and is effective.

As lightedpumken says, all you can do is try. And the area I suggest trying really hard at is getting the depression treated.

Please keep us informed of how things progress. We learn from each other.
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Floridakid, I was going to mention what Kightedpumken stated about a dog. Maybe if they had a cat or dog it would give your parents an incentive to get up in the morning.

I am not their age but I have Bipolar and am often depressed even with taking my meds. However, I know I have 3 little Chihuahuas that count on me every day to feed them, cuddle them, walk them and spend time with them. I feed them every day, of course and cuddle them but I don't always walk them. They help with the depression even though I still have it but it gives me some purpose in life and some other living beings to care for.
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Both of your parents sound very depressed. Getting this addressed is going to be quite a challenge because it sounds like they don't want help. As sad is it, you can't force them. Some people just do not accept getting old. They can't adjust and feel inadequate if they can no longer do what they used to do and their self worth is based on that. I find it very sad when anyone gives up. Life is precious. I used to tell my mother when she got this mindset that adjusting was the key and being thankful for what she could do instead of what she couldn't do was something to consider. I was just trying to be a cheerleader, kinda sappy I guess, but I still tried. It worked a lot of the time. Heck, I still cheerlead today for husband and myself!:-)
I feel sorry for people who never think they'll get old, it's inevitable, just part of the cycle. Nobody likes it but it happens. I look at my 83 yr aunt and her 91 yr old boyfriend. They are thankful for each day and know they're lucky their health issues aren't too bad. They're an inspiration.
I am so sorry you're going thru this FloridaKid and sorry you're parents can't see that life still have much to offer. Good luck to all of you. I'm hoping one day they'll listen to you and see that they're headed in a wrong direction.
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Thank you all that answered. The pet won't work - a big part of the problem is they had two large dogs, each about 14 years old, and both died last year. The depression worsened after the loss of the second dog. They refuse to even consider another pet, although I do think it would be a wonderful thing. Pets are great, and I agree that having a purpose, having someone that needs you every day is a motivator. I'm glad to hear stories about those that are living life well, into their 80s and 90s. I would have thought my parents to be that type.

My husband lost his mother last year at 74. It was not a great year for us. Our New Year's resolution this year was a co-resolution: Good Attitude!!! We run our business together, so of course we are together 24/7. When one of us gets down, the other one reminds them of our Good Attitude pact. And you know what? We are both happier, eating better, exercising, laughing more. It's amazing what mindset can do for you. Chase out the negative thoughts. I feel 10 years younger since we started this. And yes, I have suffered from depression off and on since I was 13, so it does take work for me to be a "glass half full" person. Like anything else, it takes some effort to keep your mindset on the right track, stay motivated, positive, etc. At this point my parents are the only negative in my life. I have accepted that they are choosing their own path and that I can only let them drag me down so much. I spent an hour with them this afternoon...there is a glimmer of attitude improvement...I think I shook them up by getting angry last night and finally unloading on them. I'm not going to bet the farm, but they indicate they have hit a low point and want life to be better. Here's hoping!
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FloridaKid, I think you hit on a key point. If both are down, they are tugging at each other. There is probably a lot of negative talk and shared despair, or no talk at all. I wondered if only one gained some enthusiasm if it would be contagious... or if the other would only sink further into despair. I am one to avoid the medication route if someone can still find their bootstraps to pull themselves up. Neurochemistry can be rapidly changed with behavior and sunshine. Being active and getting plenty of sunlight (with sunscreen, of course) is the best medicine I know.

I hope they can find something they like to do. There is so much to do in Florida for people of all ages. They just have to get in the habit of doing things they like. Your parents are not alone in this happening. Sometimes we can help and other times, like you said, we just have to keep ourselves from being pulled down into the pit with them.
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I do wish you could get them to put the alcohol down. It is one of the worst depressants I can think of. Nothing is more depressing than waking up when a person has had one too many the night before.
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Yes, alcohol is a real problem. For today, they are abstaining. I think they feel too cruddy to even drink right now. It's been a creeping problem, and it's "just wine" so it seems harmless...at first...then it went from 5 pm, to 2 pm, to noon, to 10 am. You get the picture! Then they can't sleep at night, then the cycle starts again the next day. Then they don't want to eat, then the alcohol has a stronger effect, then there's dehydration, and on and on. I have done a lot of research on line, and I think alcoholism among elderly is a grossly under-reported problem. I wish the doctor would ask, there have to be clues.
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FloridaKid, here's hoping your parents are changing their minds about life! Sometimes it does work to read them the riot act, letting them know they're wrong. Instead of sticking together in misery, they should take on that good attitude you and your husband have. Parents can learn from kids and I sure hope that's what happens in time
My husband and I both suffer from depression, his being far worse than mine. We have your same mindset and support each other trying to keep each day as easy as possible. It isn't easy and we have to work hard at it. We just take one day at a time. It sounds like your parents recognize they need to get on a better path. The best to all of you!
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Do your parents have doctors? Are they getting the proper nutrition? Because poor diet can lead to medical issues which lead to depression. And the loss of their dogs added on to it. And lack of exercise. All seem to combine and with them enabling each other info deeper depression. From what I understand people who are depressed try to medicate with alcolhol and drugs. Will your parents read information if you give it to them about depression being a medical not a mental problem? Is there any place in your business where you could put them to work so they feel useful? If what they say they don't want to be a burden on you, then tell them they can do you a favor by seeing their doctors and getting checked out. You can clue in the doctor in advance about your concerns. Why not get them interested in a project? Like collecting items for the local animal shelter in honor of their dogs? When I lose a pet, I go and buy pet food and donate it to the pet food pantry. I wouldn't recommend them getting a pet to care for in their current mental state, nor would i recommend them working at a shelter b/c the sadress their of unwanted animals needing homes might overwhelm them. But they could organize a pet food drive in their community or there are groups who take shelter animals to libraries and the pets read with the kids with volunteers helping. or they could work for a food bank and see others worse off than they are. . If they are true hippies, then the need a cause.
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Floradakid: I am 62 years old, and have a few persistant physical issues from indulging in too much activity recently (horseback riding, sailing, marathon-level charity work). I am bummed by bursitis and foot pain (oh, also have gout - thanks Dad, thanks Grandpa). My few ills give me some perspective on your parents - they cannot do the total of what they used to do. I devoted all my "free time" for seven years tending to my ailing parents, so I do know what you are going through. Aging certainly does not improve most people. Boy, would I shock them. I would give them such a yelling at - Who do they think they are, the first people who ever experienced a few limitations? I would tell them to get out of the pitiparty and show what they are made of, and if they don't you will see them at the funeral and make a point of throwing away all of your inheritance on things they disapprove of most because they are ready to throw away their lives. Yup, that's me. But a more thoughtful person might enlist the help of a trusted pastor or friend, or throw a party bringing family, friends, and pastor together so they have a rockin' good time and they have other people to interact with. Let those folks know that your parents are suffering whilst adjusting to middle-old-age. I used to think that baby showers and wedding showers where the most awful waste of a nice afternoon, but I would attend this party. Make sure there is music (big band?), good food, and terrific cocktails. I hope you live somewhere warm, else do it all in the house. Write on the invitations that fun presents are expected. Know any Irishman? Invite them. They have the best stories and jokes. Show your parents how to live!
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I was wondering what it was that had suddenly changed last year. The loss of a pet, especially two pets, can be devastating. You say that they used to volunteer at the animal shelter. I think they need to get involved with animals again. That was obviously a big part of their lives. If, right now, they are not willing to consider another pet, perhaps they might consider fostering a dog in need. They obviously have the time, and rescue organizations always need good foster homes. That would open the door, and their hearts, to a future pet of their own.
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Always: Thank you for your perspective, as a person who suffers from depression. It is hard when two people get pulled down into that fog. I know they are struggling. One will pull me aside and express the desire to improve, then the other one brings them down, and then the roles reverse. It's very frustrating. One is up, the other down. The challenge will be getting them both up at the same time. I am beginning to realize it IS a daily commitment to be strong and to focus on the positive. Everyone has good and bad on a daily basis. We have to focus on what makes us better and try to minimize the rest. I hope you and your husband continue on a good path forever! Thanks again....
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SusanJMT: Great that you are so active. Jealous that you get to go horseback riding :) Something I used to do. Based on your comments you know the fine line I am walking. I have been sympathetic for several months, so last night was the blow up night. Today, my mom said "you got really angry last night." I said "I've been angry, I just chose to express it to you last night." We have a very good relationship. I am now morphing from "the kid" to taking a stronger role. We are at that point, I have to. I think letting out my emotions last night was a wake up call. I will certainly continue to be sympathetic. Keep up the activity. I have a friend who is 75-ish and lives for her daily dressage with her beautiful horse!
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Floridakid: I am tempted to send you a link to a police horse dancing to "Play That Funky Music, White Boy" on the street but you can probably find it on Youtube yourself. I thought last night how much fun I had on a recent Holland America cruise out of Florida. Mostly the over 75-crowd, some with hoverounds, and some multi-generational families. I choose the smaller ships with the large libraries (you can always find interesting people there), and a piano bar (now called "In The Mix"). We sat around the piano for hours, singing, joking, being insulted by the pianist who played a mean piano and who acted as MC to the crowd who essentially entertained themselves. EVERY NIGHT for 11 NIGHTS. What fun. You know, the third and forth persons in the cabin usually sail free for for a very low cost. Food great. People great. Service so coddling. Who cares where it sails.
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Sounds like a pet might just be the therapy they need. I would be lost without my birds and dog. If they are not receptive to idea - not over grieving the loss of the other dogs - try approaching it from "help a pet from the animal shelter".
Dogs being put down every day because no one will care for them. Maybe if they feel they can make a difference -they will feel needed again. The empty space created after 14 years of caring for the other dogs can be overwhelming. A shelter pet could help them and the pet. Perhaps a Valentine's gift/ birthday gift, etc. from you?
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Most of my comments have already been made by others and things look as though they are turning around. My focus would have been looking for an event that happened a year ago. It seems to have been the loss of their dogs.
pets are so very important in peoples lives. My cats helped me recover from hip replacement. I would take a pain pill and ask my husband to find one of the kitties to purr me to sleep and one or both always obliged. They don't actually like each other but are very competetive for my lap so will both get up and glare at each other before a purring match begins.
My last horse died in August and I still have her picture as the background on my computer. I will take her down but right now I am still in the stage of disbelief and can greet her evertime I turn on my computer.
I just turned 74 and find it hard to accept I am that old and have some obvious physical limitations but there are benefits. So many people are so nice to me. They hold open doors and help me lift things into the car, from young boys to other old ladies. I would like to live another 20 years but when it becomes obvious I will try and accept God's will gracefully just as the Pope has done. By the way I am not Catholic but see the Pope as a fine example of knowing when to do the right thing. You are on the right track Floridakid keep up the good work. Is there any way your parents could help with small tasks in your business so they felt you needed them?
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Veronica: Pets are great. We have 3 cats and a dog and our world revolves around them. My parents have never been "pet-less" since before I was born, and that was in the 1960s. I took my mom to an event last year, after they lost the second dog, that featured multiple dog rescue groups and many dogs in need of homes. My parents say they are "too old" to get another pet. We live down the street from my parents. If we go out of town, my parents state they are "too old" to come down here and take care of our pets, so we must hire a pet sitter. My work includes driving around our local area looking at real estate, usually 1-2 hours round-trip. I always volunteer to take them, open the sunroof in my car, and get out and enjoy the Florida weather. A few years ago they would go, but for the last year they always turn me down. They have cut off all friends. My dad has a friend since the 1950s that is coming to Florida for a vacation and wants to stay in our town for a few days. Dad has told him don't bother. Mom refuses to turn on the computer because she has so many unanswered emails that she has no intention of answering. They unplug their phone from the wall all the time. Then old friends and family finally call me, asking what's up. Then I have to lie because I am told they don't want anyone to know how bad they are doing. Mom gave up book club, and volunteering at a local animal shelter and also the downtown library. They always decline our invitations to come down here for a visit or dinner, including holidays like Christmas. Last Christmas they cancelled out about two hours before they were supposed to be here. We spent Mothers Day 2012 in the emergency room because my mom had stopped eating and drinking and laid in bed until she was too weak and dehydrated to even walk. This past Monday was her birthday, and she got mad because her brother sent her a gift and now she has to call and thank him for it. They have clearly made a choice over the past year to shut down. I have watched it happen, and this past weekend blew up when I went down there and saw how awful they look. It looks like my anger got through to them, but things are subject to change, I never know from day to day.
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I haven't read through all these answers yet, but the Good Attitude pact has stopped me! Your parents have been through some big losses of pets and your dad's mother. Please don't discount the depths of despair that can come with deaths of loved ones. Pacts that declare "Good Attitude" will not likely work with depression issues. Also, your parents could be detecting memory issues within one or both of them. When I look back on the past 15 years of my mother's life, I can see signs (and read them in the massive number of notebooks and scraps of paper she's left everywhere) of the dementia WAY before anyone suspected anything (she's 82 now). She suspected it though, insisting on getting memory tests, which she passed with flying colors -- and did better on the second test, which was 4 years after the first! Yet in the last 5-7 years, things came crashing down and the loss of her siblings seems to have really begun the spiral downward for her, both with mental and memory issues.
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Looks like your anger finally got through to them. Sometimes tough love does work. Maybe next Sunday you can cook a simple but favorite meal and you and your husband just turn up with the meal and tell them you are eating it with them, if they refuse to eat go ahead and enjoy your meal. It may be a flop but it will give you an idea who is running the show and you can focus on bringing the weaker partner round and hopefully the "boss' will follow.
Try dropping by on your way out with a small gift. Say a tiny plant tomorrow for Valentines. just give it to them at the door don't go in. "Sorry Mom got to run I've got to be in **************** in ten minutes. Hope this helps. I know it is discouraging when you are trying so hard. if your mother tries taking to her bed again threaten to call Social Services or the Health dept or whoever looks out for seniors in your state - and actually do it. they clearly need medical help but it may take time to get them there but there is no harm in you talking to their Dr for advice. You can also try taking one of your dogs with you on a brief visit but don't rush. At least your mother has some emotion left if she got mad at her brother's gift. It would have been far worse if she just threw it aside. Strange as it may seem she was probably glad he remembered. Good thoughts take care of yourself.
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FloridaKid- Your post is very difficult to read as the situation you describe is heartbreaking. I thought that many of the suggestions and posts were insighful and helpful so I re-read the comments including your last entry. There are many issues here but....

I just saw a flash as I have seen this behavior before. My former neighbor and close friend, is a 71 year old female alcoholic. Her beverage of choice is wine. She hs dropped all of her friends, isolates, favorite mantra- been there, done that and have lived my life. Has become very rude. Major interest drinking and tv. Husband is a enabler, is also abusing alcohol and is very angry with his wifes behavior. Plenty of $ to enjoy life- life is a wine bottle. No one seems to be able to reason with Nancy and many friends suspect that alcoholic dementia has
settled in.

Your parents have been abusing alcohol (wine counts) and may be alcoholics. The classic signs are there. Drinking more frequently, isolating, cancelling at the last minute, lack of interest in other activities, selfishness, misdirected anger, nutritional deficiencies and dehydration (not eating properly, excess alcohol often results in B- vitamin, thiamine deficiency.) Alcohol is a major depressent and it is fueling the behavior. Alcohol impacts the brain. Memory and reasoning skills are adversely impacted.

Your parents may be isolating because they are choosing alcohol over friends, activities and are trying to cover for one another. Are there any programs in your area that would address depression and alcohol in the elderly?. I live near one of the top psychiatric hospitals in the country and they have a unit that specializes in elderly issues including alcoholism.

Obviously, there is a lot going on ..... and I am not mitigating other issues. I have also seen situations where the couple isolates as they may be trying to hide memory impairments or dementia of the spouse.- Being protective, embarrased.

You post suggests that your parents are still relatively young and were very engaged and are declineing rapidly. Only one major issue can be addressed at a time. What are your thoughts? I could be off base but unfortunately I think not. Suggestion- research alcoholism and the elderly. It is never to late to turn it around. Obviously, you are a loving and caring daughter and doing your best for your parents. I hope that my post may be helpful to you and not to upsetting. Just thoughts to ponder. Please stay engaged in this site as it is extremely helpful. Best Regards
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I am grateful for this discussion. I thought that it was my miserable failure when my mother refused to eat or drink and wanted to sleep her way to death. I realize that she did this before when my Dad was alive, when he would call me because "your mother refuses to get out of bed" and I would swoop down and take her to my home for two weeks of reviving and rehab. The last time she did this was the time I called the EMS and had them take her to the hospital. There, the emergency room staff couldn't find anything wrong with her but her attitude, though they recognized that she could not live without IVs and skilled care at that point. Hospitalization and a rehab facility followed. At that point, I was counceled about assisted living facilities that had the gradated levels of service required to ensure that she lived a healthy life now and into the future. Mom is 90 years old this year, and will live for another four to six years, safely, heathfully at this facility. Staying abed and waiting for death, becoming dehydrated is an emergency. Call the experts and get out of the way. We try to handle what we see is avoidable, but you don't have all the answers. I didn't. Mom is where she needs to be.
Assisted Living also has rooms for couples with a lower cost for the second person in the room. Mom's costs are $5500 per month for a very high level of service in an expensive part of the country (a package deal which she does not completely need at this point but I expect will as she becomes older). Go to a rehab facility and ask their social worker where they recommend their patients go after rehab. I got the right guidence, and even then looked at a half dozen other places before I settled on the very one the rehab facility recommended.
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FloridaKid, I'm so glad your riot act worked, at least it's started the ball rolling so you can deal with this very sad situation with your parents. My heart breaks for them and for you and your husband. Your parents are in need of attention for depression or other mental problems. Do they see a doctor or would they? It sounds like one of them is the leader or they both have decided to throw in the towel. Which ever, it is really sad. Veronica has such wonderful ideas! Keeping in constant contact, whether they like it or not, will be the key to your finding help and/or a solution. They probably would benefit greatly on meds although I'm not an advocate of medication as a whole (that's just my opinion after seeing my mom on 23 meds which were not all needed).
Your Good Attitude stance is wonderful, IMHO, and as I've stated before, my husband and I practice it everyday and believe me, we suffer from depression (hubby is on disability due to its severity). Of course, what works for some people won't always work for others. Some depressed people just give up and nothing will help them and others just don't or won't let anything help them, they get attention for heading the pity party and stay there (my mom being the Queen). Then if you throw in dementia, hey, that's a whole new ball game. I think right now, you're going to have to find out what the folks' problem really is so you can deal with it. If you have to call in the County, I say go for it, for their protection. If your parents get mad, then they do. At this point, they're displaying behavior warrenting intervention.
I wish you the best. Please keep us posted. We care and are here for you. Your sharing is teaching us lessons and I for one need all the lessons I can get!
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Wow, you guys are really supportive and great! SusanJMT, I have recently accepted the fact that my Mom's behavior is her's to own, and not my fault. I told her that the other day, because I have been banging my head on the wall thinking I must not be doing enough. You have some very good suggestions. I am hoping with the longevity in my mom's family, that she is not ready for assisted living. She is 70 and her mother lived to 96 and was healthy and strong until the last 2 years or so. Sand56, you have described the alcoholism in my parents to a "T". Depression is the #1 problem, Alcohol the #2 problem. It's kind of a chicken & egg situation at this point...which one comes first anymore? I have researched alcohol & the elderly extensively. The other twist is my dad thinks he is getting dementia. Last year he quit drinking for three months, and the change (for the good) was unbelievable. It was like he de-aged 10 years. Now when I try to remind him of that, he just sort of says "yeah, but now I'm too old to change". I had them all set to go to a 5-day rehab facility near home, but then they were told they would be in some kind of phsych ward under lock-down, and they backed out at the last minute. Thanks everyone for all of the support. I keep checking in during my work day to see the new posts. What a nice support system this site is. I am new to all of this so I don't have much advice to share, but I think this has been a good discussion thread for many, and I really appreciate that!!!!
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I don't how I missed the drinking part, but I did. Call me blind! Your parents need to stop drinking ASAP. They're depressed and could possibly have other mental issues and drinking is the absolute worse thing they can do. Its a depressant!! Getting them to stop is the trick. It's hard for some people to give it up, as with many bad habits.
I'm newly married and the alcohol usage I'm witnessing in my new family is disgusting, I hate it!! One niece drinks way too much then gets out her phone and calls a family member to let them know how sorry she thinks they are. A few months ago, she called her mom, with terminal cancer, to tell her how much she hated her and what a lousy mom she was (shes s good mom). Another has retreated from life and refuses help at 33. Alcohol is definitely not a "friend" to all.
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