I have been following this site for the last few years and it has been a great place to get information, ideas and support. I love that you can post about anything and no one is really judgmental. A couple of years ago, it seemed that there were a number of men that were involved in taking care of elderly parents - but it appears that is mostly women that are doing the heavy lifting. Is it that only women want to share their stories or is it that only women have these stories. Years ago, my dad's mom was very ill and in a nursing home and the nurse kept asking - doesn't she have any daughters? I thought it odd - they didn't ask doesn't she have any other children. This was at least 30 years ago - and I have a feeling it hasn't changed much. Am I off base - or is the expectation that the daughter is the responsible child for taking care of parents?
Usually I don't know if a new person writing is male or female. We may have a lot more men here than we realize.
As most of us know, caring for the elderly cannot be compared to caring for children. Children eventually learn to do things for themselves, the elderly stop learning how to do those thing. Plus, those who had children were usually in their 20-30's.... not in their 50's and 60's.... huge difference in energy levels.
The empty nest is once again full.
never heard of such a thing jesse . generally men fight wars , repair machines and build the buildings in our society . that would be hard to achieve if there were only crickets playing fiddles inside our heads . in my younger years i sat around thinking about the long run , big picture , etc while ex wifey sat around thinking about how she had an atm in her pants and could be the life of the party somewhere if only she werent burdened with a family and husband .
that was my first thought also . i totally " get " jesse's quip , but my mind never stops .
i was having a discussion a few days ago with two quite well off , men , customers . in listening to their various schemes of a new home or remodeling a new home , it became apparent to me that they , like most people , are scared to death of getting all caught up on things and having nothing to strive for .
id melt down in a week , mentally , if i didnt have some kind of challenge .
Men and women taking care of their spouse seems pretty equally split.
Women taking care of mom/dad/sibling is the huge majority, but there I do occasionally (rarely?) run across a man doing it.
As for this site, I've noticed a few men, but not sure if the split is similar to what I see in my locality.
My husband cut this out and gave it to me because it's reversed with us - sometimes I just chill out and look out the window at the changing colors or something and, for many years, he thought I was just being guarded when I said I was thinking about nothing - took him a long time to realize I really meant it.
It makes me laugh - pretty funny, actually. However, as for whether one gender really does this more than the other, have not been interested-enough to see if there are any research studies on this to know what the statistical standard distribution would be on this topic.
[if this post is a duplicate, sorry about that, computer problems].
People often recommend meditation. Yeah, right. All I do is sit there and think about how I need to concentrate on not thinking so I can let my mind go quiet. The hamster is in full spin.
I have 4 siblings... we are 3 girls and one boy. We the girls do the heavy lifting. The boy jas completely checked out. Reading most of the posts it gives the impression that most are women taking care of their loved ones. This is not to say that men don't. ..maybe they just dont have the time to post? IDK.
While we're into sweeping generalisations, I would propose that men are: better at delegating; MUCH better at the 'put your own oxygen mask on first' rule; infinitely better at not worrying about what they can't help. And rather than grumble about the unfairness of it all, we ladies would do better to take a few leaves out of their book and learn to shrug off groundless guilt.
By the way, I have just taken up an hour of the telecare service engineer's time - it took him five minutes to sort out the issue, then we had a nice cup of coffee and discussed the joys of caregiving. He has a six year old daughter on the autistic spectrum and shares night watches turn and turn about with his wife. Also, if you want to witness chaps being chatty, log on to a vintage car forum. Right bunch of gossips they are...
Jessie have you tried humming to empty your head?
Over the years because the house was a large 4 bedroom, several of her grandchildren decided to move in to help out YAAA RIGHT, they would watch her so "Q" could go to the store. But mostly they only crashed at 3am after barhopping. She passed away and to this day I admire "Q" and would really love to tell the others what I think of that situation but my sis says to shut up it isn't my biz so I never mention it. I did bring it up to my sis when we got into an arguement
my mother expecting me to care for her for free. I know what "Q" went through and I am not going to let it come to that with me.
So later when the parents need care everyone reverts to the old formula even though in many cases there is no husband to earn a living for you while you cared for elderly parents.
As women we have to be able to do 5 things at the same time and do it with a smile in heels and pearls. I will never forget those old magazine ads where the woman was wearing a dress and an apron , cleaning the oven wearing a string of pearls and high heels ...........WTF had any of those ad execs ever cleaned an oven ???