Oh no, I really messed up!
So Moms been with me about 6 weeks. I took her because she was falling apart mentally, physically and emotionally. She was grieving my sil death.
(at 40 with 3 small kids left behind with my brother to raise alone)
She was severly depressed. She was filthy, so was her house. She lost 30 lbs. And her diabetes was out of control. She had a UTI, couldn't walk straight and the early onset of dementia. (Or so it seemed). I took her to live with me right away and just left all her furnishings in her apartment, but gave the apt up.
She freaked out the next day...bad. She was calling everyone in her phone at 3am to come get her and she'd give them $100.00 bucks. She was so crazy she tried to call a cab, but we don't have cabs here, plus she lived two and a half hours away. The next morning I took her to the ER. They gave her Xanax and it made her sleep and calm down.
I promised her if we could get her healthy again we would look into senior housing. Her short term memory was so bad, I believed that wouldn't really happen, or her mind would go and she'd forget about it and that would be that.
Well I found her a PCP, grief counselor, eye Dr., dentist and she's been set up for PT. She's doing better emotionally and somewhat, mentally. But her body seems shot.
We can't get her sugar down. Even after adding a short acting shot, before all three meals, to her long acting shot at night. Her eyes are horrible. Dr. Said she needs both cataracts done, asap. She shakes a lot. Her hands when she reaches out, and face when she eats or drinks. OMG walking and standing is a joke. Now her legs buckle and she'd go right down if no one's holding her. She walks like she's drunk as h*ll. Even with a cane or walker.
She bent over to feed the dog and fell. Before that fall she tried to squat down to pick something up and fell backwards against a wall and couldn't get up.
And her memory, although better then before with the blazing UTI, is still scary to me. She could never take her meds alone or monitor her sugar. She asks me ever day what the meds are for. She also wears depends underwear, if not she'd lose urine everywhere.
Before the depression meds kicked in she'd beg me to help her get her own place.
Now mind you I NEVER saw my mom cry. No matter what we went through, or how bad of a beating she took from dad, she
just worked, cooked, cleaned and took care of the four of us kids. She divorced dad (he was a paranoid schizophrenic) struggled like h*ll and raised us alone. So incredibly strong. The first time I saw her cry was after sil died.
She was pleading with me to help her get her own place. I couldn't take those big tears running down her sad face. It killed me.
I thought I was pulling a "therapeutic fib" by looking for senior housing buildings in my area. That always gave her hope and cheered her up. Then it went a little further. She wanted to get applications in because the waiting lists can be years long. I felt what can it hurt, the lists really are ridiculously long. She'd never get in before she became sicker and was convinced she couldn't live alone. Or just forgot about it.
I picked two places close to me. First one we applied for had a three year waiting list....cool. Second one wanted an additional piece of info, that I'd have to go to the social security office to get.
Mom asked every day, "are we going to the social security office?" I finally took her Friday. No biggie, list are long...... Right? But get this...
On the way to the s.s. office, my phone rings while I'm driving, I hit speaker...it's the second buildings manager, she says "Did you get the paperwork from s.s. yet? Apartments are opening up and I really want to get your mom in."
Oh God, mom's sitting right there with me hearing it all!!!
And she's THRILLED! I'm not...
So my bluff's been called and mom is more then likely moving out on her own.
I discussed it with my husband (always the rational thinker)
he said let her do it. He knows her well and knows, as well as I do, she won't settle in here until she's convinced she can not live alone.
What really frightens me is it's going to take her getting hurt, maybe more than once, before she's convinced it's over.
I'm going to let her go. I'm not going to sneak behind her back and turn down the apt.
It wouldn't be too bad if I could wrap her in bubble wrap!
Thanks for letting me vent.
And yes, Im the one who says..." Never make a decision based on emotion."
Hey...take my advice, I'm not using it.
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Are you able to get care providers in to help Mom? When she moves. Oh the joy for her at this moment, I hope it will last for a while and be doable, somehow. I don't know, I just hope and pray it all works out for you and Mom.
I could just see your face when you hit speaker, and they began to talk and Mom could hear, frightened.
It will all be ok somehow. Hangin there. Keep us posted.
It sounds like she might need to see an endocrinologist for her blood sugar, and a neurologist to do an MRI and be tested for dementia.
Diabetes can definitely wreak havoc on the mind and body. My mom went into a diabetic coma 7 years ago and we think that may have something to do with her cognitive decline and paranoia, though the neurologist is still trying to figure that part out. Her psych doctor told us at the appt last week that it's possible she has some damage from the diabetic coma that didn't show up on the scan. Her neuro doc said it could also be early Parkinsons or LBD.
I understand your mom wants to be independent, and it must be frustrating to both of you that the reality is she can no longer live alone but is having a hard time accepting it. For her safety, it sounds like she really needs AL. She could still have her own apartment there but would be monitored more closely. Would she be willing to do that instead?
I would go ahead and cancel the apartment. She really can't be alone if she's shaky, can't see or take her insulin and is incontinent and falls easily. A situation like that can be life threatening. She most likely will be upset, but just tell her you are going to look at places instead where they have nurses there that can check on her and give her her insulin, that you are worried she will fall or get hurt there by herself.
Hugs to you, I know it's hard when they're stubborn. But you'd be potentially saving her life by not letting her live alone.
About the apartment, is mom legally competent? If her medical conditions are addressed, could she live in a senior apartment?
Have you asked her doctor? Far Bette for her doctor to tell her "no" or for her doctor to say " perhaps in a few months".
Because of your childhood, you probably have an outsized urge to take care of Mom, be her buffer, make everything right for her. Please, assign that priority to yourself.
Find Mom a qualified endocrinologist (who specializes in stubborn cases) and keep researching appropriate placement for her. This is sad and she’s a mess. But you cannot allow yourself to go down the chute with her. ((((hugs))))
Get Physical therapy for her walking asap. Ask them about senior Tia chi for balance too
Im glad the uti is cleared up those can cause all sorts of odd extras
I know when my Dad wanted to move into Independent Living, the Staff had to do an assessment on my Dad to be sure this was the right choice for him, or if he needed higher care.
Sadly, many of us here on the website forums had to wait until there was a medical emergency before we were able to get our parent out of their home. For my Mom I had to wait for that emergency, and it took two of them before she had to go into a nursing home. For my Dad, he was ready to move as the house was too much work for him.
Freqflyer & Barb, you know what's funny, when Mom and I where at the apartment managers office doing paperwork, I had to remind Ma of the date and to sign her full first name. And we had to keep showing her where the x was to put her signature. The shaking hands where obvious too. The manager didn't seem concerned by it at all. I guess she qualified. Go figure. ???
Like Frazzled also suggested, a endocrinologist is absolutely our next move followed by a neurologist.
Thank you Frazzled, I never thought that Mom could go into a diabetic coma. Do you have any idea what your Mom's numbers were? Mom's numbers rock and roll between 260 and 320. She's hit 412 a time or two. But not since we added the short acting shots.
Baskethill, I absolutely appreciate all your suggestions for keeping her safe. But seriously, anyone needing that much help to live alone shouldn't be living alone. We all get it, but try getting her to see it.... not happening. SMH
Smeshque, my first thought when I realized what the woman on the phone was saying, was to hang up on her... LoL....oops dropped call! God bless her though, she was really trying to help my Mom.
I'm going to call my brother Tuesday, when his kids are back in school. We'll try to figure this out and see how we can keep Mom from getting hurt because of my screw up. Thanks again folks.
Her numbers now run anywhere between the high 100s on a good day to 300-400 on a bad day or depending what all she eats. She is on a mixture of short and long acting as well, twice a day. But it's hard to gauge the dosing sometimes because she's not always consistent in what she eats. She likes to sneak sweets, soda and eats meals higher in carbs sometimes than at others so I try to adjust the dose to compensate the best I can, but I think at her next primary doc appt, I'm going to see if her primary doc can give us a referral to an endocrinologist too to see if we can get it better under control.
Frazzled, isn't this just crazy? Friggin diabetes, dementia, depression, anxiety, arthritis etc.... I am overwhelmed today.
We went to Walmart today for flowers. She took 4 steps after getting out of the car and collapsed. This sux.
Big hugs to you - I know it can get very overwhelming. Don't forget to take care of you too, even if it means just taking a few minutes to decompress.
And she still thinks she can live alone! You said that can be life threatening, you're so right. She not going anywhere. Thanks so much Frazzled. Hugs right back at ya.
People on here told another poster to call 911when her mom couldn't walk.And they we're adamant about it. So I took it seriously too.
Anyway, they're giving her a CT scan, chest x Ray, blood and urine tests. So we'll see what's up. I also read here it can simply be dehydration. Hmm, nothing seem simple with seniors.
I really get rocked when she falls. Feel like I can't shake it off all day. Then I get angry that she actually thinks she can live alone. Well, that boat sailed, we're not doing that. I am going to pull her application.
Will update later if anyone's actually reading my babble. :/
We were told it was most likely the neorontin that is messing with her since she was not as bad before she started it. I thought that was a "blow her off" diagnosis.
They discharged her shortly after taking blood, urine and the CT scan. I found that odd. But they claimed all was fine, not even dehydration. They gave her a new walker ( she has 3) and sent us on our way.
I we got out the front door and her left leg stiffened and swung to the right. Hmm that was weird. We got in the car and went 3 mins up the road to her PCP office. I had to grab a paper the Dr filled out for a handicapped parking plackert. I left the AC on for her. Went to jump out and saw her left hand go limp, she dropped her cup. I thought she was just weak as her hands don't work too well anyway.
It took me all of four minutes in the office, and when I got to the car she was in a full seizure!! I ran in the office and the nurses came out. She vomited and her left side couldn't move. We went back to ER and the same Dr was shocked. Hmm.... I, on the other hand was pissed.
Dr. Claimed it was a seizure that went into A stroke! They are giving her a series of MRI's and other tests.
I told neurologist about her short term memory issues and gave other info about the event today.
I'm flat... totally emotionally flat. My son went to the hospital to be with her and I came home for a break. She's been admitted and is pissed that she can't eat. They want the speech therapist to see her first.
I'm tired ,,thanks for being here.
I learned the hard way to insist my mom be kept, even if only for observation if we had to take her to the ER. Mom's " minor" bp issue almost always blossomed into something more interesting overnight.
Please let us know how this goes....We really do care!
I asked about her cognitive decline and he just kept saying, there was nothing "fixable" found on the brain. I finally grabbed him again and asked about some form of dementia. He said he is going to do an oral test with her tomorrow, and he can "stage" her then.
Hmm so I'm guessing he saw something? I'll get more out of him tomorrow, it looked as if he didn't want to go that far in front of her and my son. I don't know.
She doesn't seem to have any nerve damage as a result. Thank God for that. She's in good spirits and just wants to come home and watch Gunsmoke! My house seems like home now? Lol, bless her cotton socks.. 😊