Not Happy.
My grandmother stayed with my family and I from Thanksgiving through Saturday. My parents and I think that this was a huge mistake. She was constantly going up and down the stairs and we kept repeating the same line of unless she is going to bed, she doesn't need to be going to the 2nd story of our house but naturally she didn't want to listen. My grandmother, in spite of getting her knees replaced, is incredibly unsteady on her feet, even with a cane. She kept my parents and I up all night Thursday night with the needing or wanting something or trying to go to the first floor to watch TV. I lost my cool and said that it was bedtime and I was not about to risk a seizure due her not letting me sleep. Friday wasn't any better. I don't know how my aunt got access to two of my grandmother's accounts and signed my grandmother up to bank online. My grandmother doesn't use a computer and the whole situation is a little fishy. While I was at work, my mother took my grandmother to the pharmacy for the Covid booster and then to her bank to begin straightening out the banking stuff up. The worst part is her bathroom habits. She destroyed my bathroom, with bodily fluids. Feces on the tile and the rug by the tub, used incontinence pads everywhere. Spent the rest of the day, yesterday cleaning the bathroom, using bleach. This woman tried to get away with not wearing the same sweatpants from Thursday to Saturday. My mother put and end to that. The woman tried to play it off as urine was sterile and it was okay to wear them again. Mom got so mad at her and said that wasn't fine they were urine soaked, smelled and my grandmother stunk to high heaven. My grandmother tried to hide those sweatpants but my mother found them and threw them in the trash. Mom said that my grandmother wasn't going to come over and not going to pee on everything because she won't go to the bathroom more than twice a day nor destroy the house with her bodily fluids after the house being remodeled. We dropped her off at her house yesterday and we are so happy to have our house back. I am just not happy with having my weekend shot due to cleaning up after my grandmother.
While you're angry at having your holiday w/e shot, I'm sure grandma is not so thrilled at having to deal with her issues either! It's not so easy getting old and having so many problems to face.
And also instead of being unhappy about the weekend, be thankful that you're not in that situation, and help your mother consider what other options are available. Given your GM's situation, I don't think she should have been removed from her own home. I'm sure the temporary acclimation was challenging to her as well.
Get together with your mother and discuss alternate placements. GM shouldn't be living alone in her own house.
This has caused you much stress & resentment. I also detect some blame.. maybe just stemming from frustration over the situation?
So if your family is not able to provide the supervision & assistance your Grandma actually needs - then don't host her again.
I hope she can be looked after adequately elsewhere.
Sounds like your aunt MIGHT be doing something with your grandmother's money. So when it comes to the point that it's been determined that your grandmother can no longer live in her current situation (sounds like that time has already come), everyone will be scrambling to get her Medicaid. And then the money your aunt MAY be siphoning from your grandmother's accounts will cause a penalty period. And that is when your mother may think she has no other choice but to be your grandmother's caregiver.
SO it's time for your mother to start doing something to prevent the above from happening. Have you had this conversation with your mother ?
With all that went on--what are her living conditions at home, alone? Sounds like she needs more help than she is getting.
Referring to her as 'that woman' shows how much she got under your skin. I can imagine the bathroom cleaning was gross and didn't add much to the festivities of the weekend. And you're still pretty raw, right?
Knee replacements in the very old do not really bring them back to bouncing around. Without proper PT and serious desire to walk normally, most people in their 80's have knees replaced so they can walk more steadily with a cane. Not so they can run up and downstairs all day.
Since this is your grandmother, you can sit back and be supportive of moving her to a safer environment, but don't have to be involved, personally.
And, she isn't wrong about urine being sterile--as long as it's in the body! Once it's out, and exposed to air, bacteria begin to grow.
Take a deep breath--the weekend is over. Now support mom in the decision making process!
Does Aunt have POA, if not then she should not be fooling around with her mothers accts. Even with a POA she should not be using Moms money unless for Mom. If Gmom ever needs Medicaid, they will question large amts coming out of her accts. Auntie may end up having to take care of Mom during the penalty period.
Nice.
Do you really think her master plan was to come to the house for the holiday to be incontinent and force you to clean up after her, or do you think that something might be very wrong and want her to get some help?
This could be several things that need to be ruled out by a healthcare provider. She should be taken to her physcian for a workup soon. It helps if the family member taking her slips a little note to the provider about what the family is noticing. I hope that your family is able to assist her.