I find it hard to fathom that my 88 year old mother could be so mean, manipulative, judgmental, intrusive. I now see a side of her I did not know existed to this extent. The boundaries are skewed, she will open my mail and read it, listens to any and all convos. She will jump at the opportunity to try to belittle me, lay guilt on me. She blames me for just about anything that is not right. Example- dining room light switch not working. I discovered it,so therefore I broke it, I have forgotten to mail letters or lost them, never get it right at grocery store. I fix her a hot nice dinner every night guess what? No gravy? Meat is tough, vegetables undercooked, food is cold. Laundry is gray, not white. Nasty nasty. No she has not been diagnosed with dementia. I am seeing that she likes to belittle me and then hope I will squirm. Sounds ridiculous but the woman can get ugly.
I live with her, take care of her. I am really starting to dislike her. As soon as I express my displeasure or ask her why she is so ungrateful she blows me off, feigning ignorance. Extremely HOH, has had many falls and was very sick recently. She is recovering and I take full credit for weeks of caring for her in all the ways she needed care that you readers all know about. Because she is my mother I hold my tongue but am getting ready to blow or else go go go. Not sure where I would go any where but here. I am trying for the first time in my life to put myself first. I have been a caregiver all my life, ( retired RN) and this toxicity is poisoning me. And I'm not going to let it.
Any words of advice on how to handle this dua ersonaity( sweet cute little grandmother/ nasty b*tch).
You knew what your mother was like but you voluntarily moved back there.
You were in an abusive marriage, but you did get out.
Do you see the beginning, or an existing pattern here?
Have you thought about some therapy?
Now my choice is to find her help, get a job and move on ..living from a distance.
So hang in there. I also prayed a lot still do and have prayer line i resort to regulary. What done is done. you just move on from her. Try and start with estabishing some financial security for yourself. Also tell her about her self. That helps me because they seem to think you dont see their ugly. sometimes it works for me and my mother quites down some. i feel bad ; sometimes it doesnt and i feel stupid for trying to be logical and expect reasson when it was never there. They cant say or admit they need you or ever did. Lot of pride and self centered stuff.
Anyways wish you the best. hope this input helps. just sharing what has worked for my crazy head. im still at it. Im growing it gets better, i get stronger. Still hurts evry now and then.
Wish the best.