My father fell down a flight of stairs Dec of 2007, since the fall he has found out that he has Parkinson's Disease. Its been a very slow recovery for him in fact he has degressed in alot of ways. He has short term memory and is somewhat confused at times. My mom has been the primary caregiver. Her duties include giving my dad his medication because he cant remember when he takes it and making sure he eats, he's a diabetic and he doesnt remember when he should eat. He does go to the bathroom by himself and takes a shower on his own and gets dressed on his own. We all know this has been overwhelming for her. We have helped with the cleaning at times and also painted her whole house for christmas and birthday presents. My sister lives next door and she helps my mom with taking care of the house. My mom is in good health and she works part time. The problem is my mom is overwhelm with anger and resentment that she has to take care of my dad her husband. She resents my dad so much for getting sick. She treats him like crap in her tone of voice and belittles him in front of him. Overall he is in pretty good health. We have suggested to my mom go seek some help for herself and she needs to get rid of this anger and resentment. We even given her gift certificates at a spa just for herself. Apparently that hasnt helped. All she says is she is leaving we have to deal with this she has had it. As far as the house is consider she is capable of cleaning her own house but we have offerred in fact I have given her a coupon for one month of cleaning for her birthday. My sister and brother in law take care of the yard and all the snow shoveling because they live next door. We have also told her if she needs any help just to let us know. I have been through this already with my in laws, its tough we took care of two homes for 15 years. My mom needs the help dealing with this herself and we suggested for her to go talk to someone she wont listen to us. We are at our wits ends we dont know what to do, we all have full time jobs and families of our own and its starting to affect all of them. Help! How can we get my mom the help she needs.
I appreciate what ezcare said about Mom's integrity. That goes for many a Caregiver! You hit the crux of the situation by saying, "remove Mom fro the equation." Actually, they both need help! Dad for his needs, and Mom for hers. (I didn't mean a spa vacation, then back to the same ol' grind.) I was hoping the family could find some local resources for the long term relief of both Mom as Caregiver, and for Mom's personal needs. Saying, "...don't expect Mom to help make or even support the decision" was perfect advice. What a blessing for that family, for Mom's good side to emerge. You have a good way with words.
May I add, (for the girls' sake) don't take on the guilt yourselves, for having to make a decision that is seemingly unpleasant. The bottom line is, Dad AND Mom need help.