My mom died last night. She's had dementia for about 6 or so years and has been in a AFH since January. I'm just in shock. My mom was manipulative and controlling and always looking for a way out of the home, but I thought she was a long ways from laying down and dying. I'm a mixture of a little relieved for her that she doesn't have to suffer anymore anxiety and loss of dignity. But I just can't believe it's true. I can't believe she's gone, she been the middle my sisters and I have been circulating around forever, our bottom just dropped out. I'm not sure where she is, but it has to be better and she doesn't have to drag around that broken down 88 year old body. I'm so confused and sad and don't know what to do with myself. I've been laying here like a plank since last night. Don't want to talk, nothing. Just lay here and think. I wish I could cry. Thanks for listening.
Take care of yourself and know that she was happy to have you in her life. She is resting now, and as you said is no longer stressed.
Your mom's mind and body are at peace now. Eventually you'll make your peace with her death as well.
My condolences, I will keep you and her in my prayers tonight.
Take a deep breath, cry whenit comes, or don't, either way is ok.
Our mom knew you loved her, you were there for her, that is all that counts, let that comfort you. Allow your self to relax, spend some time tending to you, take a walk, chat with a friend or your sisters. Eventualy you will complete your grieving and be in your new reality. I wish you a joyful life.
Regards
L
I apologize if this sounds uncaring, but wanted to present another viewpoint.
Thank you. No this doesn't sound uncaring at all. Mom was getting where she had no quality of life, her eyes had a film over them - she had caterick surgery years ago, but we were going to take her in on 10/31 to see if they could do some lasik work. So she had trouble reading, didn't track TV/movies too well, didn't enjoy eating, and really didn't even like to talk anymore. What she loved until the end though was playing rummy. I played with her last Wednesday and she always got all the aces. Maybe you should try playing rummy with your mom. Thank you so much for your reply, it's much how I feel as far as the slow decline - it was just so sudden, but I'm thinking "good for you mom, you did what people would opt for if they had a choice". Thanks again.
I am relieved that you can see it this way. Most that suffer with dementia would not want to live their lives this way. Medical science has done much to extend our lives, but too often the quality is gone and not as we would want it.
As far as playing rummy, I don't think my mom would understand how to play, the only card game she ever play was bridge, and she would have me lost in that. ;)
Mourning is a strange process. You will laugh and cry when you least expect it.
My mother died when my daughter was three. I told her that grandma had died. She thought for a minute, then said, "Mommy, when you die, will you take a phone with you, so I can still talk to you?" Such a perfect solution.
I find that I speak to my mother every day. That keeps her near me. God bless you.
Karen
Signed,
a weepy, soppy mess. Thank you so much.