He's a handful and of course doesn't believe it. I'm almost sure some replies might say he'll forget anyway, but his behavior taking electrical things apart being destructive is overwhelming . We clalled the dr. and he is also bipolar and has ocd they as of yesterday increased depakote to 2 times . He wants to go back to pa. where there is no home or anyone to care for him, although he thinks he takes care of himself as he walks out our door with his shoes on the wrong feet (small example) He hides things and blames my husband and I for hiding them in order to f up his brain. so, long story short Ifeel like screaming you have dementia--ya get it ! My husband will be 77 and we had to take his brother in 3 years ago for what was siagnosed at the time as alcholiic induced dementia, low and behold we sure got a lot more the that added to our lives ( btw he hasn't touched a drop in 3years ) so that isn't the issue. I guess long story short is im grateful that I have a way to vent here, but also would be so interested in opinions about reinforcing him about his disease with the hope that maybe just maybe one day it will click and he'll be grateful for the home he has here and the family trying our best to make his life if nothing else just CALM. p.s. guess i could have waited a week to see if the meds increase help, such is life---------honey opposed to vinegar gets so hard at times. thank you
Someone who puts shoes on the wrong feet probably doesn't have the mental cognition to know that he's doing it or why he's doing it. An explanation that he has dementia isn't going to change that.
I'm wondering if you wouldn't be better off in trying to find some help for you and your family, perhaps asking the doctor who diagnosed the bipolar (a) if there are support groups for you and your family to help in coping with your brother's illnesses, and (2) what recommendations she/he has specifically for your brother beyond medication.
My brother had alcohol-induced periodic dementia-like episodes. Until the day he died he did not accept that the FBI had sent spy rats into his hotel room. The rat tails had cameras and were held up by balloons. As crazy as it sounds, he "knew" it was true.
Many people with dementia experience some paranoia. They hide things to keep them safe. Then they forget they hid them and blame others. This reinforces their belief that their possessions are in danger and so they hide even more. Does it help to know that this is typical dementia behavior? It often subsides on its own and the person goes on to different odd behaviors.
Trying to convince BIL that he has dementia is a lost cause. His brain is damaged. Your reality is not his reality. If you can, it is best not to argue with him at all. Use your honey and not the vinegar! "Your glasses are missing? Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. It must be frustrating for you!. I know I didn't take them deliberately but I guess I might have moved them for some reason. I'll take some time now and see if I can find them." Obviously you are not going to agree that you stole them, but reassure him that you care about his feelings and you'll try to solve his problem.
Attending a caregiver's support group would help you know that you are not alone and to hear how other people have handled difficult behaviors.
One time Dad called me as he said he is having trouble thinking, so I made light of it.... told him we have all these filing cabinets in our brain and they are jammed pack with information, so it take us longer to find the right file and find that information we need. Told Dad I have the same issue, so that helped calmed him down.
Mary, I agree with everyone else above, do not tell your brother-in-law. It won't click.
My Dad, an electrical engineer and inventor, use to take things apart to see how they worked but he was able to put things back together again... until his dementia started to set in, plus losing some of his eye sight.
When he was in Assisted Living/Memory Care, he was trying to see how the cable box worked... that didn't go well, he was without TV for most of the day.... I had Dad in "time out", later I called maintenance to come repair it :)