I take care of my parents who live with me and my husband. Father has dementia and mother has mobility issues. I also have a husband who is very demanding and I believe he is a narcissist. I do have caregivers full time, seven days a week so I have a house full of people. Today the caregiver needed my help with my father, who at times can be very belligerent. He is bedbound but very, very strong. While we were changing him, he tried to kick and punch us. He was so angry, yelling and screaming. It took a while before he finally settled down but I was drained. Then later on that evening when I went to give my mother medicine she asked me what happened to the jewelry that was in her dresser drawer. She showed me an empty box. I had no idea what she was talking about because I don't go into her drawer. She kept asking about her jewelry and said somebody had stolen it. I was really upset because I felt she was accusing me or the caregivers. Then after that episode, my husband hands me some papers that he wants me to correct. I really blow up. Every single day there are so many issues that I have to deal with. No one says "please" or "thank you" or "would you mind doing this." I don't expect my father to understand because of his disease but his behavior is very stressful. My mother is a constant complainer and no matter what I do it is never right and I feel like a total dummy. My husband resents my doing so much for my parents that when he wants me to help him with his work reports he gets angry when I don't do it right away. I feel totally unappreciated. I don't expect a pat on the back for everything, but I feel like Cinderella who never got to the ball.
I went through such a struggle with feeling the same as you. When I finally learned I cannot change the situation, but I can change the way I see it. I begin looking at it this way. I began looking at everything I do as if I am am doing it for Jesus. Because we are. So, I learned not to need to be appreciated by another. Because Christ already appreciated me with his life.
I learned to have joy in serving others, and not want anything in return. And then it became so that others could not bring me down with their lack of appreciation.
I am just trying to say, if you cannot change the situation, you gotta change the way you view it, and perceive it. Because often times if we don't feel appreciated by others, it makes us not appreciate ourselves.
And like Frazzled said, try and sneak in some "you" time.
Most importantly Pray. It is quite powerful, I know for certain.
Is dad taking any meds for agitation? If not, it sounds like you need to talk to his doctor about his behavior, which is not acceptable.
We can advise you of how Hubby needs to grow up and help out, but chances are, this is a long-standing situation that was only exacerbated by your parents moving in. He needs to make his own peace with what’s going on.
It sounds like Mom is having some mental, concerns as well, above and beyond her mobility issues. Before my mom was diagnosed, she would hide things and then call the police because she thought someone broke in and stole them. Even with meds, her paranoia never got much better.
Taking time for yourself is a great idea. I always feel better after I’ve spent time with my grand babies. It doesn’t change the situation, but it makes it easier to cope.