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Mother's bday I didn't have anything formerly planned since it's hard to predict how she will be each day. She doesn't want to celebrate another birthday and I don't as well. I just wanted to have lunch with her out if possible away from the daily grind of each day the past year and a half.


We haven't always gotten along but in this recent year with her decline, her guard has come down and she's become more human in her vulnerability. Maybe me too. All is forgiven it seems at times or maybe just forgotten. She was evaluated for hospice last month but since she has stabilized and it seems she may evaluate out to palliative care. Although I have spent a lot of time in the caretaking role, spending a special occasion with her would be nice. It may be her last bday. My only sister passed away five years ago, and since then I've been alone pretty much and I am tired of fulfilling family functions right now to others. Truthfully, I haven't felt supported and I don't want the pretense of gatherings which only further tire me out. I've invited no one and notified family members that might have expected a gathering they can come another time.

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I agree with your choice. You can only do so much. Keep it simple go out qith your mom and enjoy her. I know how it feels my moms bday will be in April she is 87 will she be here ? I have no idea. Enjoy this time now !!!!!
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I agree. If you are exhausted you don’t need to entertain others. Hope her birthday went as well as it could have. 💗
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Just following up on the bday. Well, when mom found out it was just me she put her head down and then needed to stay in bed for the remainder of the day. So much for wanting a mother daughter experience. It's all good.
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When it comes to ur Aunt, you visit when u can. She needs to understand that Mom is ur priority. We can only spread ourselves so thin.
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I had my Mom 20 months in my home. I am the oldest and have always "been there" for my parents. Hospital visits, rehabs. Spent Christmas of 2016 in the hospital with Mom. So when she came to live here, it all went my way. Therapy wanted to come at 8am. I said no because I would not wake her to get her up. (She did better waking up on her own) get her breakfast and dressed. We compromised on 10am. I got her to my house on a Thurs afternoon and not long after we got into the door, homecare called wanting to come to admit her the next day. I told them no because this was all new to us and I needed the weekend to see what is what. They came Monday. My DH, let them come when its convenient for them. But it wasn't for me and I was the one doing the work.

So, if this is what you can give energy wise, then do what is right for you.
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Thanks for sharing this. I often wonder if my resentment issues with my mom will soften as she declines and your account of what happened with your mom is how I sometimes imagine (hope) it will be.

I’m sorry about your sister. I imagine that was rough and maybe it has contributed to you feeling alone. This caregiving journey sucks especially when the relationships weren’t great before, so no wonder you are tired. I am too and I have a ways to go.

Listen, this won’t last forever and you will get your life back. After some healing get back in the social circle and find your tribe. This might sound morbid but I also sometimes think about how life will shift again when this is over and I look forward to that part. Hope I can still function.

I hope you enjoy the simple birthday plans. That’s the way to go imo. I’ll be doing similar here next month.
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My mother will be 93 tomorrow. My DH & I are taking her out to her favorite Italian restaurant for dinner and let her know that last week so she could 'prepare' herself for the outing and not invent excuses about why she can't go. She immediately wanted to know if my son & daughter would be coming and if not, why not? I told her that DH and I were inviting her, period. I can already hear her complaining about how 'nobody' came to her 'birthday party' and how 'nobody cares' and yada yada. Truth is, my son & daughter ARE coming, unbeknownst to her. But there will STILL be something to complain about, trust me. My cousin sent her a birthday card and that's 'the only one she got' and on and on. Unlike your mother, mine would love to have a birthday celebration in her honor every day for month if she could. She'd still have something to complain about, of course, but that's how it goes, decline or no decline.

I'm tired myself. I hope tomorrow evening doesn't drain me of the 2 ounces of strength I have left for the BS she's likely to dish out. I hope your celebration turns out to be a good thing as well.

Wishing you the best, Pasa.
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