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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Tacy, need to read previous posts by OP. OP has her own health problems and can no longer care for her MIL. So needs husband to decide.
Yes, LITM, he now needs to do his part. He needs to understand that Mom is going to get worse. Is he willing to shower, dress and toilet her because you can't. He is the son, he needs to step up to the plate. He is now the parent and she is the child. Its now what she needs not what she wants.
I fully understand it's now up to him. He needs to be around to do all of this - he is working so many hours. But he needs to tour the facilities, get assessments, meet with people, sell her house, etc. It seems he is burying his head in the sand! I'm getting so fed up with this crap and there's always a good "excuse ". We had marital trouble before but this is pushing it...more and more.
And to top it all off, he and I, think he has early on set AD and me with my health problems but of course being the kind of man he is, will not go to the doctor. He is nuts!
I just wanted to get his mom all set up before something happens to me. My brain is fine, my body, not so much . I would like to scream at him, but he's never around long enough. We have 2 kids, the girl is 31, and my son will be 24, and my son acts just like my husband. "Maybe it will all go away if I bury my head in the sand because dragging my feet hasn't worked". Geez!
Have you considered couple counselling? You mention that the marriage was troubled before the issues with MIL and isn't getting any better. If he is at an appointment he is paying for, presumably your husband would pay attention long enough to hear your concerns. This might put the marriage on a better footing when MIL is out of your house.
Or ... does he really want you to make the decisions? Are their other family members who would object if they knew that is how things are being handled? It sounds like you have already done much of the work leading to a decision. What if you take the final steps and then say, "MIL can move into Golden Acres on July 5th. You need to be there to sign some paperwork. I'll arrange for moving help." Would he be relieved, or angry? And later, "I've found a real estate agent I think we can work with in selling the house. She will be here at 7:00 Tuesday. You'll need to have your authorization papers to show her. She will also need to meet with MIL, but she wants to start with us."
What makes you think he may have early onset AD? Whatever is causing those symptoms may be interfering with him taking a reasonable approach to his responsibilities. If his general approach has been head-in-the-sand, AD symptoms may intensify that. Most married people love their spouses in spite of their imperfections. It is entirely possible to love someone who has his head in the sand, and to want to save the marriage. But then there has to be some other mechanism to get things done. Are you willing for that to be you?
He would be angry, it seems like anything I try to do makes him angry. I was just reading about the symptoms of ad, and I don't think he has it, may be caused by the stress of the whole situation.
I have also been reading up on the medicaid waiver and it seems to me that medicaid can do a recovery from ALL heirs, but it may not just be the waiver program. We are in for such a very bad time. :( So, I wonder how normal people can cover the cost of a facility or in home health care without any assistance. This is absolutely crazy! And I wonder, why do I care?
My husband has always been the type to let others do "the dirty work". I don't think he has ever heard the word "NO" in his life, especially not for the last 31+ years, my fault. Everything is. I now understand why some people commit suicide.
You are not responsible for MILs debts. MIL cannot have anymore than 2k in the bank for Medicaid care in a NH. She is allowed her house. It will have to be sold for market value while she is alive and used for her care. There will be no "heirs" because she won't have any money. If the house hasn't sold by the time she passes, a lean will be put on it. If then it sells, the lean will be satisfied at time of closing. If there is money left, it will go to heirs. Again, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR MOMS DEBTS.
You really need to make an appt with Medicaid. Take all financials and insurance policies. Medicaid will require you to cash in any policies with cash in value. You can use these for prepaid burial.
So sorry your husband is like this. A good sit down is needed somewhere alone. He has to realize some of the stress will be lifted once his Mom is placed in a home. All her needs will be met. All he will need to do is visit.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
What is the problem with that? Is he resisting making the decision? Does he want you to decide?
Yes, LITM, he now needs to do his part. He needs to understand that Mom is going to get worse. Is he willing to shower, dress and toilet her because you can't. He is the son, he needs to step up to the plate. He is now the parent and she is the child. Its now what she needs not what she wants.
Or ... does he really want you to make the decisions? Are their other family members who would object if they knew that is how things are being handled? It sounds like you have already done much of the work leading to a decision. What if you take the final steps and then say, "MIL can move into Golden Acres on July 5th. You need to be there to sign some paperwork. I'll arrange for moving help." Would he be relieved, or angry? And later, "I've found a real estate agent I think we can work with in selling the house. She will be here at 7:00 Tuesday. You'll need to have your authorization papers to show her. She will also need to meet with MIL, but she wants to start with us."
What makes you think he may have early onset AD? Whatever is causing those symptoms may be interfering with him taking a reasonable approach to his responsibilities. If his general approach has been head-in-the-sand, AD symptoms may intensify that. Most married people love their spouses in spite of their imperfections. It is entirely possible to love someone who has his head in the sand, and to want to save the marriage. But then there has to be some other mechanism to get things done. Are you willing for that to be you?
I have also been reading up on the medicaid waiver and it seems to me that medicaid can do a recovery from ALL heirs, but it may not just be the waiver program. We are in for such a very bad time. :( So, I wonder how normal people can cover the cost of a facility or in home health care without any assistance. This is absolutely crazy! And I wonder, why do I care?
My husband has always been the type to let others do "the dirty work". I don't think he has ever heard the word "NO" in his life, especially not for the last 31+ years, my fault. Everything is. I now understand why some people commit suicide.
You really need to make an appt with Medicaid. Take all financials and insurance policies. Medicaid will require you to cash in any policies with cash in value. You can use these for prepaid burial.
So sorry your husband is like this. A good sit down is needed somewhere alone. He has to realize some of the stress will be lifted once his Mom is placed in a home. All her needs will be met. All he will need to do is visit.