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I have tried to be loving, supportive and compassionate. But I have finally come to a decision for my own sanity. My live in FIL who came to us 2 yrs ago because his wife, my MIL, was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Needless to say MIL was so grateful and we took good care of her in the last weeks of her life. My FIL has been weird. One day he wanted to come with me to pick up tires for my hubby and he asked if I could pretend I was his wife, creepy! I did tell my hubby. Also, we live in a town home. Small. I have no privacy. My FIL gets up every single morning with us, eats dinner with us and I would say half the time gets my hubby to spend time with him in his room going over this or that. Talking politics or what he saw on the news for the day. I work full time, bread winner in family but all FIL does is talk about himself. He creeps me out when he just stands in kitchen watching me but even more when he is looking at my chest (nothing really to look at but creepy). He does nothing around the house but make his bed. He comes from old ways where wifey did everything even though wifey worked God bless her soul. I have resented paying for his food, doing his laundry, his lack of boundaries and really his manipulation. He does not have dementia or AL. I feel like he played his son being the old man needing attention all the time. I haven’t even scratched the surface. His other children can’t stand to be with him. I have no idea why my hubby had to be the pleaser.


Anyway, where I started with this is I finally came to a place to move out because I can’t take feeling this way anymore. I never in a million years would have imagined my life like this. I felt bad at first thinking something was wrong with me but now I feel empowered. I feel like my own hubby put me after his dD (after all he is an old man 85 years old).


For those thinking about moving elderly into their homes I would say don’t do it. I am so lonely I feel my hubby abandoned me to his dad. I have no privacy never mind I gave up my nice firniture and bedroom to a man who is clueless in what he even causes me to spend in groceries. Never mind his ever present presence in my daily life. And I haven’t even shared all the weird things he does here so please understand it took me a long time to get to this decision.


By the way, this will most likely be the end of relationship with my hubby which makes me very sad.

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Hugs!

I can imagine how difficult this decision was to make.

I don't understand parents hijacking their children's lives or quite frankly, children allowing their parents to hijack their lives.

I hope that you find what you are looking for.
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OMG. Do go and don't give in. Hubby will probably follow.
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Good decision, your husband has chosen his father over you. I agree, I refuse to move my mother into my house, would be a very bad decision for me. Take care of you!
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Good for you! I hope your husband and his father are very happy together. Not.
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Dear Maggie, I understand that just walking out is top of what's on your mind, but see a lawyer to protect whatever finances you have. You don't have to go straight into a divorce, but you deserve to come out of this situation with enough to be comfortable. Good luck!
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Sorry about your marriage. Marriages do take a hit while caring for others.

You have to do what you have to do. It’s horrible to feel betrayed by family members. My heart goes out to you.

I wish you all the best. Hugs.
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You’re making the best decision for yourself. Follow thru on obtaining legal help to protect and secure your share of marital assets
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As others have said, see a divorce lawyer to see what financial hit you will take.

If you are the bread winner, you will likely be paying alimony.

Does DH know that you are moving out?

Do what's best for you, but in a smart way.

In the long run, evicting FIL (if the house is in your name) might be easier and cheaper.
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If you have tried to reason this out with your hubby and it has not worked I am very relieved you are leaving. Please take care to be certain you are not locked out of monies that are 1/2 yours. Please see a lawyer for a legal separations. Take good care.
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I remember your previous posts and I am so sorry that you’ve had to endure this. How outvoted and used you must be feeling. I know you tolerated this as long as you could. I am sending you many good thoughts that you find the peace and resolution you need.
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I agree with every else that has been said, but I would like to reframe your question/statement just a little bit. You don't need to feel that you're "not strong enough" to do this anymore. You have the right to feel that you deserve better than this. That you deserve to be first in your husband's affections and to have an equal say as to who lives in your home and whose company you have to keep.

Your husband's choices are devaluing you and your marriage. Being a doormat does not require strength. Standing up for yourself does.
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So sorry your FIL destroys your marriage and your DH takes his side. I agree that you should seek advice of a divorce attorney. Protect yourself.

One of my best friends also went through a divorce because of the in-laws. The husband's parents moved in and took over the house. Fights started and marriage went south. The husband took his parents' side, so she moved out with 3 boys under age 5. It was really really rough.

Please come back and update us on how things go, good or bad.
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