How do you handle so much loss?
My family has suffered a lot of loss over the last decade. It has been one thing after another. Since my mom died a few years ago, we've just about fallen apart. Things are very strained. Sibs have disappointed me deeply with their apathy toward our parents & grandmother when they became ill. They stopped acknowledging my & my kids birthdays, don't remember my kids on xmas - even though the party's at our house. Plus, I've grown a lot with the amount of responsibilities that have fallen on me, & have spoken up more, & put up with less by drawing boundaries. I don't think they love me anymore. My Kids & dad are my family now. My dads going in for a procedure tomorrow, and I'm frightened that he won't be with us for much longer. My kids are moving on & away, I'm on my own, and am really feeling alone. I know people say to make your own family but how exactly do you do that when you're working all the time? My world is shrinking. I'm always taking care of everyone & no one fusses over me at all anymore. I feel forgotten & discarded. This is the pits.
3 Comments
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- My father died 7 months ago. I continue to have nightmares, I cry (mostly in the shower), and I miss him very much. Is this natural or do I need to seek a counselor?
- Our Mom recently asked an acquaintence of ours to "shoot her" because she wants to die. The people were upset. How do we deal?
- How can I help my grandma? She is so unhappy in the nursing home.
- How to help children with their grief?
If you raised your kids right, they will want to move out and become independent. I remember dreading my children going off to college. I remember how sad I was when my son, the baby, left home. That lasted until I found 8 dirty glasses in his bedroom, and suddenly I didn’t miss him anymore! I do not mean to make light of your fears for the future - I know what it is to be alone and feel lonely, but you are not there yet. Your kids may take a while to transition out, and sometimes bounce back home for a while, and your father will need you for some time also. As for after, trust that God will give you what you need when the time comes. That time isn’t here yet.
You are right that caregivers and parents of young adults can feel unloved and unappreciated. I may have been wrong in my approach to this dilemma, but years ago I stopped expecting other people to make me feel a sense of worth. I take care of myself, ask for help when I need it, but I don’t expect too much from others. I am always pleasantly surprised then when I get consideration from my family. I also don’t wait on them to include me. I invite myself shamelessly to visit or for dinner, etc. If I didn’t, I would almost never see them.
Alone dealing with a mom with dementia, and the remaining people just don’t care
Life Lesson #1;
People WILL disappoint you. Life will also.
Life Lesson #2;
Don't depend on others for your happiness. That comes from within.
This past decade has held a lot of changes for me too, so I can relate.
Here are a few things that
have happened;
*I've been "abandoned" by my two closest friends for unknown reasons. They just quit talking to me. It hurt deeply and I had to come to grips that I didn't have my two best buddies anymore. I lived through it.
*my dad died,
*my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and it progressed to stage 6, she's in a memory care facility and doesn't know who I am,
*my only child (son) is a heroin addict and doesn't want anything to do with me,
* I had to move from my beloved Puerto Vallarta, Mexico to Tijuana (cheaper housing) and come out of retirement to work across the border. My husband just about died from pneumonia and we spent all our retirement money paying the doctor and hospital bill,
* I can't seem to get a full time job with benefits in San Diego county,
* all of hubby's siblings have turned out to be a great disappointment.
* I've got back problems and arthritis in my neck from years of lifting patients. I get shots every few months for the pain.
OK, life can be the sh*ts but you can get through it. There IS something to live for. God has a plan for you. Even though all seems lost and everyone has abandoned you, your life has meaning. I have not given up. Neither can you.
Strangely, both the ex-friends have called recently and left messages on my machine. I decided not to respond to either of them, not because I'm getting back at them, I decided I didn't want those type of people as friends. I'm not someone to "throw away" when I'm not needed.
Find your passion-something you're interested in and persue it. Dream about what you want to do with your future. Then start on the path to make that happen.
My dream is to teach English as a second language when I retire in 4 years. I've already researched some schools where I'll get my degree.
Volunteer at a hospital, soup kitchen or other place that needs your help. In helping others, you will be helped and blessed.
Don't give up and hang in there. Keep coming back here. We care.