Mom was put in the hospital in November for dehydration. While there, we discovered her lungs are covered with white nodules - 27, top to bottom, both sides. Doctors recommended we not do more invasive testing to confirm their suspicion of lung cancer. She had been a breast cancer survivor 9 years ago, and we are guessing it spread to lungs. Because she has dementia, she does not remember this at all. Fast forward to the end of January where her breathing was short and pain severe in her chest. I called for a doctor's appointment and they suggested Hospice. I began services with Hospice and am so glad for their support - we have been assigned a very caring nurse, not eager for medicine but just keeping mom comfortable. I am scared about what I read of the morphine and ativan and being the one to give these drugs to her. It is scary to think I am causing her decline. I am reminded why they are needed when the pain breaks through and my mom is so confused by her chest pain. She's still willing to eat and drink. I am able to get her to the potty most times. She has uncontrollable shaking at least once a day. She sleeps with her mouth wide open and is developing discoloration on her face but nowhere else. If this is it, her natural end of life, then ok. But if I am hastening her passing, causing her anxiety, keeping her too sleepy to enjoy sunny spring days, then I hate myself. No question, just wanting to scream in frustration, but mom is sleeping and I don't want to wake her.
As my father was dying, even without morphine he slept more and started to close in on himself. He really wasn't aware of those sunny days. Later, as morphine was needed, it was a blessing to know he wasn't uncomfortable.
I'm so glad you have hospice involved. Make sure you ask them all the questions you need to ask.
Is your mom able to speak and understand? Maybe talk to her about how much she is getting, would she like to be awake more or is she satisfied with the current amount, I had a sister that spent 7 weeks in agony because she was scared to be doped up, I for one never want to go through that, nor do I want to put others through it.
If possible, let mom decide and know that what ever she decides, you are giving her the gift of honoring her last wishes.
May God give you peace and strength through this journey.
It can be frightening, but since I have unshakable faith in an afterlife, aiding daddy in that passage into that wonderful world was, to me, sacred. The hours I spent in quiet solitude with my sweet dad, sometimes being silent, sometimes singing to him, if he requested it...are treasured moments of peace. I felt angels present. I had quiet, reflective moments with him. He was my daddy. He was only one of two people in this world who loved me unconditionally, and I miss that every single day.
Daddy wanted this. He chose it. We were carrying out his wishes. I'm crying as I sit here and write this.
I hope you find the strength to do this final act of compassion and love. I was honored to be a small part of daddy's transition into Heaven.
Also, findthehumor, your mother won’t be able to appreciate that spring day or any memories she has if she is in a lot of pain. Her mind will focus on the pain only, and you have the opportunity to help her alleviate her pain and anxiety with the hospice medications. Pain takes so much energy - energy your mother may not have now due her illness.
Try to keep to administering those meds on a schedule with the goal that she is medicated to prevent her pain recurrence when the medication wears off. In other words, keep ahead of the pain. It’s helpful to keep a log of what time and dose was given last & her response as that will assist in determining what dose and interval work best to keep her pain free.
This is a difficult journey but you have chosen what I think is the correct plan to assure that your mother is comfortable. That is the best gift you can give her at the end of her life.
God Bless.
Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. Your mother is lucky to have you and your loving care. I know its extremely hard, but you've done the right thing. Sending you love and hugs.
Dear Midkid,
Thank you for your beautiful words. Your dad was so lucky to have you for his daughter.