Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
My mom wants to start paying me to take care of her finances (bills, insurance etc). Fortunately money is not an issue for her, and taking care of her finances does take up a lot of time. How much is fair and should there be a contract?
Yes, there should be a contract. We take on these caregiving roles out of love, but if money becomes a regular thing, for your own protection (especially if you have siblings - no matter how close you are) it's better to get it done legally. At the very least, make a contract between the two of you and have it notarized, but I would suggest an estate attorney. Then make sure all other papers are in order as well - Health POA, financial POA and regular will.
The amount will depend on what you do, and what the your all agree is fair based on what she would pay someone else (family generally ends up doing it much cheaper, but it's a guideline that can save you trouble on the other end.)
Honestly, helping her out with her finances wouldn't seem to take up all that much time. I wouldn't ask her for much money for this, actually ,I wouldn't charge her at all for this. She's your Mom.
Sean! Go take care of your mother's finances! I see that Carol suggests a contract ( a POA for Finances). This is probably a good idea if there are siblings involved, so you won't be accused of stealing/fraud/mismanagement. You should not hesitate to do this. If you mother wishes to include a monthly fee for your work, then accept it as part of the overall expenses. It couldn't be THAT complicated. Get a ledger, put all her bills in monthly order and begin paying them. An accountant can help you with this, not a FINANCIAL PLANNER> ugh.
I see no reason not to take some form of payment for what you do. Taking care of our elderly parents is time consuming and, in my case, has prevented me from taking a full time job for the last 10 years. My family needs the money and since she has plenty I do accept money from her. She makes my car payment and gives me a couple of hundred a month.. it is not much, but it helps to make ends meet since every job I have tried to take inthe last 10 years, I have had to quit, because of her daily crises and multiple phone calls... My family should not suffer financially because she is so demanding, so should you accept money?? Sure, why not! If she didn't have you, she would have to paying someone to do all that you do and you will charge less than someone else... so, go for it!
How does accepting money for "chores" affect the 5 year "look back" period should your parent have to eventually enter a nursing home? Is it an acceptable expense? IN NYS - is it different?
Seangormanlpc already said it takes a lot of time and someone will be paid to handle the finances. In my opinion, there should be a written agreement. I would figure out how many hours is needed each month on average, compute a monthly figure and not bother about counting hours after that. This sort of responsibility is very different from doing laundry, shopping, etc. and I definitely think pay may be accepted.
Yes you should accept pay for the work you do, you do not know how long this will last and may include more duties as time goes by. She probablyy wants to give you and your siblings an inheritance, but you never what will take place from now until the end. This is a way for her to give you or any of your siblings some money now. She will have to pay someone eventually with something with care giving, if it is not a hardship for her, you should accept her money.
Whether it's laundry or finances, if it would mean paying someone else to do this work, and if the money is there, there's no reason why the person paid shouldn't be a family member.
Generally, everyone is happier this way. However, putting it in writing and in a way that is legal is the best way to go. Act as though it's a contract with an agency. You never know when someone may question your best intentions - at a time when your loved one has memory problems and just takes it all for granted. So, getting the details down in writing (as much as possible, I know it changes daily), is a good thing to do. If it's not done by a lawyer, at least get it notarized. An attorney would be even better. Carol Carol
Yes, accept payment. At first the handling of my father in laws affairs seemed like an easy task. Then I received a letter from a real estate attorney because my father in law had failed to complete the paperwork for the sale of property 25 years ago. The filing of the forms required a payment of $300. Shortly after that we were notified a lien was on another piece of property in his name that was also sold some years ago. More time was spent researching this problem in another state. Now with the down turn of the stock market, there are not enough funds to pay the care facility he lives in. There are family members now saying we spent my father in laws money wrong. Thank goodness we kept good records and had a POA but we were not given payment for the time spent in cleaning up the affairs. A step brother now has the POA and we hope he is able to deal with the difficulties of elder care. The 3 years we did it wore us out.
I have been taking care of my both parents for 5 years now. I left my job and home up north and moved in with them being 86 and 88 with Parkensin's and COPD. I have a brother that is around here but seems to not be able to deal with this stuff . I keep asking him to at least come over and visit and go see mom in the temporary rehb cnet , but hasn't . I am very frustrated because of that . Now that we are getting everything organized and being that our parents are older and not much time and very sick, my brother seems to make sure and let me know that everything get split . Mom and dad have offered me the house because of what we gave up , but I would not and could not do that to my brother . People think I'm nuts. They keep telling me to tell him to step up to the plate and take care of them . I have not and can not ask for money form them even though I am unemployed and have to stay that way being that I am taking care of them on a 24/7 basis. My point is now , is that am I crazy to have given up literally everything at age 54 and if something happens to my parents . the house I'm living in will be split amoungest us two and what will I do then people ask me. They have some moeny in annuities that my brother wants also split . So bottom line . I am doing everything including finances health care, ( I take care of everything ) and my brother is siting back and waiting , ( if you know what I mean ) . DOes this all make sense or am I just rambling on . I don't want to fight with my only brother and I don't want to loose him over money. Help!!!!
Geez wheat2587.. it seems to me you've already lost your brother & he doesn't give a hoot about losing you!! While I know where you are coming from you have to think of yourself cuz he sure isn't gonna. I can't tell you how many families fall apart because of money and it is usually the "greedy" one who causes all the problems. Get yourself to a lawyer and if your parents are still of sound mind - have them make a will...pronto!! Your brother can kick & scream all he wants, a will is rock solid and will reflect what your PARENTS WANT! a roof over your head. People who think their parents owe them should be slapped LOL. Shame on him for not trying to help out.
Some people simply can not do what is necessary! I am sorry that your brother seems to be one of them. But fair is fair, and perhaps you can talk with your parents about their will. It does not seem unreasonable for you to have more than half. If you talk with a lawyer, (the money you spend for a consultation could very well save you much more money in the end) he may be able to come up with a plan so that the house is set up in a way that your brother can buy you out...........who knows? That's why we go to a professional. On the presonal side - no, I don't think you are nuts to protect your brother so much - as long as you can do it without resenting him! I hope you will see what your options are to get a little more share of money than you are now getting.
thanks for your comments . I just want to keep it simple and split everything . I guess I really have to get the @##$# to stand up to my brother and tell him. While he is having a great life and I'm sitting here with absolutely nothing if my parents pass , I have to do something soon. Thanks guys , for giving me your opinions . Believe me , I still have my parents and I am thankful of that , but I'm thinking of later. I had one fight with him four years ago and almost killed my parents. I can't and won't have that. I guess I'll play it by ear for now . Thanks Guy's
Where I live the Durable POA law states that the person who is the POA can reimburse themselves for reasonable expenses in performing their duties. If you don't have a durable POA, then I would get one and the Medical POA also if you don't already have it.
Some books that I've read concerning boundaries would say no to letting an elderly parent who has plenty of money make demands upon an adult child which would cause them to turn down a full time job that they need, etc. I don't remember the name of the books or page numbers, but I can look them up in my office if anyone wants to know.
Crowemagnum, Who said anything about turning down a full-time job? The adult child can and should work full time, yet take care of the parents when he/she gets home. During the day is the time for paid caregiving. Don't you think so? The parent should pay for their own caregiving. This is certainly better than an Assisted Living facility.
mr. crowemagum,i had d.p.o.a and medical and i still got sued for using my parents money now i admit i made a big mistake is that i didn't keep account but if my family would have left things alone and let me handle what dad wanted they would have gotten something but they didn't and they ended up with nothing..i gave up my life,family, and almost lost my boyfriend of 23 yrs of what i did. my father wasn't the problem(never) is was the siblings but in the end i won and you know what? GOD was my lawyer and he was free of charge
Ms. Diva, Sorry to hear about the rift between you and your siblings regarding the financial care of your father. Siblings often are the problem. It's important that you retain a lawyer before the caregiving starts. Accurate accounting is absolutely necesary since each of you have a right to know where the money is going. Each sibling could "sign off" on YOUR job, just like they must do when he passes. Each heir must sign the acknowledgement of a will, so why not have them sign before death? They STILL can object, but they'll have to have a very good reason after that.
My father in law rescinded the DPOA my husband and I had for him for nearly 3 years and now a step brother has the POA. Many of his daily needs were paid for by us and we spent only what was necessary of his money on keeping up his 2 properties and his costs at the assisted living. We are faced with the possibility of being sued for the way the money was spent. One house has been on the market for more then 5 years and has not had anyone living in it for 6. Naturally it required a lot of maintenance and upkeep during the past couple of years. Much of the labor was done by us for free. Both of the properties are in other states then where we live. Now the step brother has hired attorneys (in 2 different states) and people to do the maintenance on the property. Plus the expense of moving Dad to another state using med transport and accompanying medical personnel. Thank goodness we kept receipts and records but all was turned over to one of the attorneys without us making copies so there is no proof. There was just too much for me to copy at the time it was requested and we were too upset by the way the matter was handled. A third party notified us about the POA being rescinded and I called the attorney repeatedly to try to find out what was going on. Dad would not talk to us. My advice is keep good records and do get paid for your time and trouble.
yes u are right but hey im not ashamed of what i did.. the guilt is on them what i spent is really none of their busniess but they made it there business and they got nothing at the end on the other hand i did.. i did my part rather i kept reciepts or not they were not there so the hell with them what they tried to do to me it got throwed back into their face..it all work out for the best my father made sure i got what i derseve and they can't stand it i didn't ask for anyhting but the lord to give me strenght though all this mess and he did i didn't need a lawyer.. GOD was my lawyer i didn't spend a dime for him i believe in the power of prayer..and the angels (mom and dad) rap their arms areound me and told me everything is gonna be alright...and it was
I take room and board. We could not have her here without it. So, don't say no to some financial arrangement. We all aren't so lucky as to be able to do it gratis!
well.lovingdaughter im glad urs went fine....mines didn't and i did what i had to do working and taking care of my dad was alot of work im 47 yrs and i have been taking care of him up until he passed
Something smells fishy about a third party telling you and your husband that his dad took away his DPOA and gave it to his step-brother.
It is an abstruction of justice for a lawyer for the step-brother's atty to keep your records that would show your innocence from being available. Lawyers do this kind of thing sometimes and they are breaking the law. What is going on between the step-brother and his step-dad that your father-in-law has just cut his son and you out of any communication.?
I'd about hire a private dedective to look into what is really going on here. The step-brother must have a lot of money to hire two attys in two different states and it sounds like he's trying to get his step-dad's entire estate and rip ya'll off at the same time.
Ixiimom: How could you NOT keep records????? No certified copies? The POA should have been taken away from you. Caregiving isn't a game. It is a serious emotional, physical and financial endeavor.
Ms. Diva, &You have an attitude. It is the business of all your siblings as to what you spent on your parents prior to their death. Leave the Lord out of it. You need an accountant as well as a lawyer. Litigation is not fun. No one wins. If a judge finds you liable for undocumented funds, you will have to come up with the money and possibly return some of it to your siblings. Let's hope that you get an understanding judge.
for one you dnt know the whole story so im not gonna go there with you o.k. its WAS NONE OF THERE BUSINESS I DO NOT HAVE A ATTITUDE and for one u need to read back to alot of comments before you judge anyone i did what i had to do and to add insult to injury you dnt know the HELL i went through with my siblings over my parents and im not gonna sit here and explain to about it im very happy of the outcome my sisters and brothers can rot in hell the mess they did to my parents when i wasn't here so now speak only what you know..in which you dnt know..like i said the lord is my lawyer they spent a lot of mone for what to get nothing i woulld't have charge them to tell them that i won cause they really thought they won til they found out the REAL deal of what my dad left so NOW...and i lie i said before i dnt need an understanding judge the mess is over ..FOR GOOD
you know i had to sleep on it n1k2r3, but you know i have been through alot but whatever you have been through i hope it was far better than what i been through and it hurts alot i have cried so many times even after the first yr i was with my dad my family lied to from the jump just to keep me here to do the job we all should have did together and i stood alone by my self with none of their help and it wasn't fair coming from a family of 12 and dad jump all over them for reason to get to me i am the 9th now thats way down the ladder.......I have only one regret i should have stood my ground a little harder but i htought of my dad and my family so i carried this ball alone and i got s----ed on...so when you come from a family of 12 and ur the only child left to take care of your parents you let me know how you will feel at the end......may god bless you and keep you near to him....cuz i know he does for me
This site works well when we all know that we all have different situations. No, we should not judge, only support and help one another. Do we all have the perfect situation, no. Do we all go into this job as caregivers knowing the right thing to do,no. And that is the reason we are all here: to learn and support. Please try to remember that when we read these posts. Otherwise, we will not feel safe coming here and unloading our sorrows, fears and yes, sometimes relief and joy. Go to the"count my blessings" thread and read some of those. I find it helps . Have a peaceful and productive day. Linda
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The amount will depend on what you do, and what the your all agree is fair based on what she would pay someone else (family generally ends up doing it much cheaper, but it's a guideline that can save you trouble on the other end.)
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol
will be paid to handle the finances. In my opinion, there should be a written agreement. I would figure out how many hours is needed each month on average, compute a monthly figure and not bother about counting hours after that. This sort of responsibility is very different from doing laundry, shopping, etc. and I definitely think pay may be accepted.
Generally, everyone is happier this way. However, putting it in writing and in a way that is legal is the best way to go. Act as though it's a contract with an agency. You never know when someone may question your best intentions - at a time when your loved one has memory problems and just takes it all for granted. So, getting the details down in writing (as much as possible, I know it changes daily), is a good thing to do. If it's not done by a lawyer, at least get it notarized. An attorney would be even better.
Carol
Carol
On the presonal side - no, I don't think you are nuts to protect your brother so much - as long as you can do it without resenting him! I hope you will see what your options are to get a little more share of money than you are now getting.
Something smells fishy about a third party telling you and your husband that his dad took away his DPOA and gave it to his step-brother.
It is an abstruction of justice for a lawyer for the step-brother's atty to keep your records that would show your innocence from being available. Lawyers do this kind of thing sometimes and they are breaking the law. What is going on between the step-brother and his step-dad that your father-in-law has just cut his son and you out of any communication.?
I'd about hire a private dedective to look into what is really going on here. The step-brother must have a lot of money to hire two attys in two different states and it sounds like he's trying to get his step-dad's entire estate and rip ya'll off at the same time.
copies? The POA should have been taken away from you. Caregiving isn't a game. It is a serious emotional, physical and financial endeavor.
Let's hope that you get an understanding judge.
Please try to remember that when we read these posts. Otherwise, we will not feel safe coming here and unloading our sorrows, fears and yes, sometimes relief and joy. Go to the"count my blessings" thread and read some of those. I find it helps . Have a peaceful and productive day.
Linda