Converting a living room into a master bedroom for parents.
We're thinking of converting our living room into a master bedroom suite for my in-laws. If we make that change, they would have more room which would have a positive impact on their health. We would also have more room. We would convert one of the bedrooms into a small living room for ourselves. It is out of the ordinary to make such a change. I would like to hear other points of view on this idea. Maybe you can share something we haven't thought of. First, here are some of the details....
We have a small, 2 bedroom house, our resources are limited & our living room is severely underutilized. My in laws are 80 & 85 respectively and are still fairly mobile and do not use a walker or wheelchair. However, the room they are in is very small with just enough space to walk around the bed. We are concerned about current and ongoing safety issues in that small room. We are also concerned about their Mental Health. They spend much of their time in that small room, despite our efforts to get them to come out and enjoy the living room more often. They say they have always spent a lot of time in their room so it is perfectly normal for them and not to worry about it. However, my father-in-law is dealing with some form of Dementia or cognitive decline which is in the process of being evaluated. Despite the fact that they have always spent a lot of time in their room we feel that his condition now requires that he doesn't stay cooped up in his small room.
This change would give them more space to enjoy their daily activities & safely move about. The room would be tastefully decorated & not only include a bed but also a sofa, tv, & small dining area. The room is very pretty with a fireplace and archways on each side. If we did this we would have doors made for the archways to complete the conversion to a private room. I've got the idea firmly in mind & with the creative changes we would make the room would look & feel like a bedroom with one exception. This room is behind the kitchen. The kitchen is the noisiest room in our house....pots...pans... clanging noises...chopping etc.
We must also consider our needs as their caregivers.
My husband and I are both sickly. I had brain surgery in 2010 and due to the effects of the brain tumor I have not fully recovered and deal with my own daily struggles because of it. I am no longer able to work. However, these circumstances do make it possible for me to be here with my mother and father-in-law and as time goes on to help them in whatever ways are needed. That said I do feel like I will need more space for my own health, privacy and sanity. My husband, who works but is also sickly would benefit greatly from this change as well.
My husband and I have looked at the pros and cons over and over again. There are definite positives and definite negatives. The kitchen noises is really the only place where I get hung up on this idea. Do the kitchen noises outweigh all the other benefits including safety, health & extra space for all of us?
What are your thoughts?
While it sounds like a great idea, I wonder about your dad's dementia. As that progresses, it makes it more and more difficult to be around him 24/7. There can be pacing, constant repeating of questions, sleep disorders, odd behavior, etc. Your mom may not be able to stay in the same room with him due to this. And if he's in a room near the kitchen, you have to be concerned with the stove, toaster, tv, and anything that he might be able to hurt himself with. Except for the early stages, you really have to supervise at all times.
Also, as they progress, due to your health, you may not be in a position to provide around the clock care for them in your home, especially if dementia is advancing. It can be pretty intense and stressful. Is there any way that they would want to go into Assisted Living? I might explore that idea, check out some places and at least give it some thought.
But, if their health is now stable, I don't see how trying your idea wouldn't be good. What do they say about it?
Your Dad-in-laws dementia sounds familiar to my own Dad's... I didn't realize my Dad had dementia until many months later when sundowning took hold. But he was able to function in his senior living apartment. He did have a private morning caregiver which he could afford. Eventually he had to move to Memory Care almost a year later, as he was falling too much which happens with a lot of dementia patients.
There are a lot of options but your in-laws had saved for "rainy days". They could stay with you if they could afford a caregiver to come in to help. Or move to an Assisted Living facility that offers couple's apartments and later Memory Care.
Caring for elders with dementia will get exponentially more difficult. There is no way to predict how soon you FIL will become more than you can manage. I would hate to see anyone go to all this trouble and these folks end up in care in a few months.