Just reading the question in the forum about the CG who's MIL said "I hope you know how much I appreciate what you do for me", and it dawned on me that a comment like that really irritates me (as I said on that post).
Another phrase: "I don't know what I would do without you." (Variation: I don't know what so-and-so would do without you). It took me a while to understand why that particular phrase just pisses me off. And then it dawned on me: I know the place from which it's said, but really? So it has never even occurred to you that there might come a day when I can't or won't be your caregiver anymore, for whatever reason? It hasn't even crossed your mind that one day I might not be around to do it? No idea of a back-up plan? So really, you're just taking for granted that I will be your caregiver until such a time that you pass away?
Again, I get where the statement is coming from, but it sets my teeth on edge every time I hear it.
What about the rest of you? Any phrases that make you want to throw something breakable against the wall in irritation?
I'm not sure if that's a legitimate question or just your way of being snarky.
Really? I'm lucky that I have time? There are actually any multitude of things I could be doing instead!
Goes something like this when I say I'm a caregiver and my mom is now in a facility: "You're not a caregiver, you pay for all kinds of people to take care of her - it's not like she's with you 24/7."
I handle all of her bills and other finances - put a good chunk into a money market when the rates were good so that it could earn some extra money; I get all kinds of mail that I have to go through and I have a big box of files to prove it; took her to appointments prior to the pandemic; bought her basic necessities such a toilet paper, kleenex, toothpaste/brushes, soap, clothing etc., went through a huge lengthy process to submit past claims for reimbursement that was worth over $7,000; bring to the facility some protein drinks and some foods that were soft and easy to swallow since she wasn't eating; field calls from the facility and hospice whenever there's a problem and let's not forget how many issues I've had to deal with in term of staff at these facilities over the past five years. That's just to name a few as the list goes on and on and is never ending!
Me: Not too bad, thanks.
A: That’s what I like to hear!
(MeThinks: Yes I know that, that’s why I don’t tell you how I am doing)
And then that statement is followed by:
"Did you get ______ done yet? We are all depending on you."
The cheerleader one would piss me off too. Just like when people tell me to "Smile!" Maybe I'm just not in a smiling mood.
Yeah, sure thing. I'll get right on that and revisit my methods such that everyone else likes it. May or may not even BE what elder wants - it's what the person suggesting it wants to see.
Ok, true statement..... BUT.... my 90+ year old parents weren't in their 60's when I was a child.
Uh, yes I do, because you have no other family or friends.
If I had a dollar for everytime my parents said that...I could retire.
Yea sure I just visit more....because as your adult child; I apparently don't have any life ambitions of my own right ?
What pisses me off : a woman whom I told that I wasn't very available because caregiving (I was just explaining things, not complaining), immediately said I had to put my mother in a facility (so that I could go on shopping with her). Her feeling bored and lonely was much more important than my mother's health or than what I wanted to do. Loneliness is so hard that it can make you quite reckless.
1. You are such a good daughter.
2. Been there. Done that. (I personally know that’s not true)
3. I did that for my parents when they were alive. I’m glad that’s over.
Actions show a desire to be apart of the aging process for our families.
“annoying phrase”
Call if you need help