Betrayed

Question

Betrayed

Follow

Share

45 Comments

Newest
First Oldest
First

1 2

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.

Recent Questions

Dementia? Seeking attention? Anyone else experiencing this?
Caregiver guilt. I want to keep FIL at home and help take care of him, but brother wants to move him to a facility. What should I do?
How do you get someone with dementia into care if the family doesn't have money to pay court fees to get guardianship?

Related Questions

Start a Discussion

B betrayed Sep 2013 · Answer 1 · 2013-09-15T12:53:40.000-0400

Thank you so much everyone. I truly appreciate your input on this horrible chapter of my life. I will keep your posts at hand and reread when I am having a bad day....I learned a lesson in life the hard way, the hardest way. Money is the root of all evil. What matters the most is the ones I hold close. Best wishes to all of you. many many thanks

P PinkLA Sep 2013 · Answer 2 · 2013-09-15T12:15:30.000-0400

I was thankful to read that you did have the house purchased by your husband and yourself and have it in your name solely. There is no way that your sister can take that if everything was done legally.
I fully agree with NancyH. Count your blessings and move on.
The neighbors, the doctors, etc. all know that you have been giving good care to your mother. Don't listen to the rumors. Stay focused on your family and live your life without your mother.
It sounds like you have done a lot for your mom and she may appreciate it all after she begins to open her eyes about your sister. She may never. But, know you did your best.
It’s sad when this happens. I have 8 siblings and I was the one who spent weeks every month travelling to my parent’s home when my dad was ill. Not a one appreciated it.

O orangeblossom Sep 2013 · Answer 3 · 2013-09-15T11:53:18.000-0400

Dear Betrayed, Events as you have described in your ongoing feedback basically sum up to a blessing in disguise. You have done your due diligence for 16 years to an unappreciative and mentally imbalanced mother. Emotionally wrenching as it may be, you are wise to just let it all go, and RESOLVE NOT TO EVER TAKE HER BACK! However, from a legal standpoint, I think it would be practical to get your own ElderLaw Attorney and quick. The fact that your sister cleaned out your Mom's bank account in less than 15 hour says ILLEGAL to me, especially if you were POA on that account. To change the legal docs in less than 5 days says to me that your sister found a shady attorney or did an online or stationery store paper version. Your Mom's mental competency would have had to been evaluated by the attorney in a private consultation before accepting her signature to turn over all legal matters to your sister. That includes having gotten her to change the Will. As for the insurance policies, I am going to assume your Mom was the named "Owner" of the policies and never transferred ownership to you. I am also going to guess that your sister may have gotten her to sign ownership over to herself that so that now she can also change the beneficiary arrangement. These are all things that you may want to consider discussing with an attorney, for the simple reason of your entitlement to whatever your Mom may have originally stipulated in her Will and in her life insurance policies where you may have been the beneficiary. I think the police were a bunch of AH's for acting on your sister and mother's words, by assuming your Mom was in her right mind and removing her from your home. So yes, overall a blessing in disguise, but why should you be hoodwinked on top of everything else and possibly lose the entitlements you have earned these 16+ years? If I were in your shoes, I would pursue the legal end of things and after getting them resolved, THEN Goodbye and Good Riddance to your sister and mother. What a sad state of affairs - I wish you all the best.

S StandingAlone Sep 2013 · Answer 4 · 2013-09-15T10:47:14.000-0400

After what you've just described do you really feel surprise at this betrayal? Your mother is a nasty customer, and your sister an idiot. Mother dearest is livign with sis, you say? HALLELUJAH!! GOOD RIDDANCE! Time to PARTY! Time to CELEBRATE! Yeah, baby! Are you kidding me? I'd be freaking thrilled! Leave them to each other and the hell with them both...and don't you dare let your mother come back. No way. Screw your sisters slander...you know what's up, and people that MATTER do, too. Who gives a damn about your ridiculous excuse for a sister and what her family has to say? Can YOU say LOSERS? Piss on them.

I'd gather my friends and family..the good ones...and throw a huge barbecue in celebration and never, ever look back. Let them rot together for all eternity. That's not family, those are the devils minions. Who needs em'?

You're awesome. That's all you need to know. *hugs* .

B betrayed Sep 2013 · Answer 5 · 2013-09-15T10:28:51.000-0400

For the love of money. That truly sums it up. Money does do funny things to people. I am living that truth. Thank you for you kind words of support. We definitely need a vacation we have not had one in 9 years. I know they cannot hurt me or take anything away from me meaning the house, etc., but mentally it has been to taxing and plays like a bad horror movie in my head.
I am working on letting it all go and concentrating on the greatness in my life and I am lucky to have blessings and I thank god for them.

B betrayed Sep 2013 · Answer 6 · 2013-09-15T10:19:12.000-0400

I try to stay focused everyday on my family. My main concern is my youngest son who is in college and needs me to strong.

B betrayed Sep 2013 · Answer 7 · 2013-09-15T10:17:23.000-0400

Isn't it sad that good people with good intentions only have to go thru this? Boy, you can truly feel for what I am going thru. Yes, the house is in my husbands and my name solely. We are covered. I was the only one who ever took her to the doctors and they always told me what lovely care she got. So we are covered. They don't have a leg to stand on. When my mother passes I know I will only be notified thru my aunt and to be honest we will not be going to her services as she has stated she doesn't miss us at all she is being finally taken care of and waited on hand and foot. We really wouldn't want to go and hear my sister and family wax poetically how wonderful she and they were. NOt to mention my sisters children will start a riot in the middle of the church trying to make their point known "how truly rotten we are--we are struggling

N NancyH Sep 2013 · Answer 8 · 2013-09-15T10:13:04.000-0400

Betrayed, I know you're hurt and angry and you have every right to be, but I also think you dodged a HUGE bullet when your sister took your mom away. I think at 56 years old, with a husband who obviously figured your mother out long ago and is most likely sick and tired of her, and a son who has probably had enough anyway, YOU'RE the lucky one. My guess is that your mother's money will run out, and since it sounds like your sister and her mother are cut from the same cloth, they'll both get tired of hearing someone that sounds like themselves all day long. Talk to your husband about making sure all the paperwork is in order about the sale of your mother's house to you guys. If you kept any documentation about how much money you've spent on your mother over the years, keep it handy cause you'll probably need it. You might want to find out from a lawyer what you have to do to keep the wolves at bay, then let it go. You and your family take a long deserved vacation, and make it clear to your sister that mom is NEVER coming back under your roof. As for your son witnessing this drama, point him to a Bible and look up --- I Timothy 6:10:
"For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows." To me, that about explains it all. It's the old 'LOVE of money' that gets people all the time. Have fun on your vacation!! ♥

B bookluvr Sep 2013 · Answer 9 · 2013-09-15T09:56:22.000-0400

Betrayed, my father did the same about me. I have 7 siblings yet I stayed home at age 23 to help him and mom. That was about 24 years ago. I always wondered why people always lectured me about doing more to help my dad. I mean there was 8 kids yet I stayed home to help. It seems father was Complaining to people how I'm a Bad Daughter. I was so hurt that people I never met but dealt with mom's care while I was work - would walk up to my brother and question him about me. I didn't know how extensive this was until mom passed away in March. People were praising this same brother for taking good care of mom!!! When father recently went to the hospital in June, brother tried to get the doctor to declare him incompetent. Doc kept repeating very firmly to father that he has a very good memory, etc... So, I would believe it that your mom has also been spreading lies...and you did all this for her.

Is the house legally under your name? Or is your mom's name on it? If your mom's name is still on it, please be prepared for more nastiness to come. I'd also make sure that you keep all your documents secured.

If your mom decides she wants to come back, I hope you and the family have a firm decision on that too. Remember, in the worse case scenario, and your sister runs your mom dry financially, and your mom wants to move back in with you...you
are not obligated to take her in. She has the option of applying for Medicaid and the govt housing program. If you do decide to take her in, this time change things a bit. She needs to be now responsible for a bill.

B betrayed Sep 2013 · Answer 10 · 2013-09-15T09:51:06.000-0400

also, i just found out my mother was recently hospitalized and my sister contacted my long lost estranged brother. He hasn't been on the scene in 20 years. I hear he visited my mother and she was elated and can't wait to know his children. Before this she and and my sister wanted nothing to do with him or his family. I can only imagine what he is being told, not that I care but, talk about betrayal. I feel like they are trying to recruit as many people as they can to gang up on us. boy oh boy

B betrayed Sep 2013 · Answer 11 · 2013-09-15T09:32:21.000-0400

Oh yes we definitely know that this has happened. We would hear her whispering on the phone to my sister "so and so is being nasty, what did I do to deserve that? and repeatedly asking "am I a good mother". When my mother would say something mean and nasty and we would say "don't say that tell the truth" she would say, "I'm crazy I'm 90 I can say what I want, I say things just to get a reaction out of people". So I think you have hit the nail on the head. She has started to believe herself and it didn't take much to convince a controlling alcoholic. My husband use to always say to me, "she is playing a game, this is all a game to her". I just can't imagine ever treating my family the way we have been treated. I am thankful everyday for my loving husband and caring sons. They have witnessed her demanding abusive ways and remarks for too long. I appreciate so much both of your thoughts and words....it is comforting to know that other people have been thru this and I am not the big bad wolf.

J JessieBelle Sep 2013 · Answer 12 · 2013-09-14T22:01:44.000-0400

One thing I wonder is if your mother could have been telling her things when you weren't listening. That happens so much. I used to overhear my mother talking to my aunt sometimes, making up things as she went along. Fortunately, my aunt knew nothing was true, so I just shrugged it off. Sometimes old people do that as part of a game they play. Sometimes they even start to believe what they say, and convince others that their child caregiver is up to no good. Do you think this could have happened?

S sharynmarie Sep 2013 · Answer 13 · 2013-09-14T21:57:56.000-0400

Big Hugs to you betrayed for all you have done for your mother. I wish had words of wisdom to pass on to you but I don't. It sounds like your mother made her choice which is typical of a difficult personality...they think the grass is always greener on the other side. In time she will probably insist on coming back to live with you, a choice you will have make. In the meantime, the only thing I can come up with to stop the vicious rumors is to go to an attorney with the documented info you have about your mother's care while living with you...have them send your sister a letter with the documentation insisting she stop her vicious rumors unless she wants to deal with a slander/libel suit. Bullies can be stopped in their tracks by confronting them with truth with legal aides behind you. Hang in there and let us know how your situation is progressing. Hugs!!

B betrayed Sep 2013 · Answer 14 · 2013-09-14T21:15:16.000-0400

Thanks for your post JessieBelle. My sister always flew under the radar. Only showing up when it was convenient for her. Funny, tho she always found her way here for the holidays!!! of course, to see her mother acting like the dutiful attentive daughter. Other than that she has been an actively drinking alcoholic who always acted like my mother was my responsibility because she and her husband would always say "you got the house you got ma". I feel so used and betrayed. My heartaches for my youngest son who witnessed the whole fight and is in a state of shock that his nana has sided with someone who never took care of her or cooked her or had her over for a meal. They emptied her bank account within 15 hours of my mother being there, went to a lawyer within 5 days and had my poa revoked, changed the will, brought the police to my house to retrieve papework i.e. life insurance policies which would be the only money, because as I said before my mother doesn't have any. I really feel used. thanks for the shoulder --- boy could I use one

J JessieBelle Sep 2013 · Answer 15 · 2013-09-14T21:03:44.000-0400

Betrayed, what an awful situation. When I read what you wrote, I wanted to hunt your sister down and kick her butt. Strange she should do this after 16 years. Where was she before now? and why did she suddenly start to do this? I know there is nothing we can do to really help, but vent away.

Betrayed

45 Comments

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions