I have cared for my 91 year old mother for 16 plus years. She is a very difficult combative angry personality. Recently my alcoholic sister started criticizing everything thing about her care, and telling me that I was doing everything wrong. My mother always got beautiful care, home cooked meals, clean room, laundry, and I also acted as her healthcare aid. She lives with me and my family for the last 13 years. We had purchased her and my fathers house from her and spent 200K on upgrades so she could stay in her home. Now my sister questions the house claiming we were given a free home and me and my family have spent all her money. My mother doesn't have money. She lives on 1500 per month. Plus she is a severe diabetic atleast 3000 or more a year was spent on her medical. We have given her a beautiful home, but I am 56 and have a few issues myself and finally need a break now and again. My mother totally resisted saying "why do you need a break what do you do for me? she has said hateful things now for years...and done hateful things. Now my sister is saying we got a free house, spent all her money and abuse her. A huge fight ensued and the police were called by my sister. They found my mother to be in great shape and look great for 90. This is all over money. Now my mother lives with my sister and has totally disowned me and my family. My mother and my sister's family are spreading vicious rumors about us. Neighbors, friends, relatives and my mothers doctors, nursing home personnel have all said what great care my mother has always got. Me and my family are stunned and betrayed. Anyone out there been thru this or similar? Any words to help. Thanks.
The "we/us" is because as my mom goes further into her combined health issues and dementia, she has suddenly turned me into the enemy. Whispers in the ear? Oh yes, from those who also stand to profit from her now and in the future.
Still, money aside, it's the emotional hurt and confusion that slaps at me each time I hear from her. One day I'm the loving daughter....the next....the enemy trying to do her in.
I wish you patience and perseverance.
You will update us if they do try to do worse, won't you? I always wonder when this happens - on what happened to the caregiver. Only one poster that I know of came back and told us the results of her family accusing her of stealing from their father and when he died, they had nothing but caregiver had the house, etc... She won in court. It was all done legally and there was no proof that she stole from him.
It is so ridiculous, we are not talking the Kennedy fortune here. Over the course of 16 years, 13,000 was withdrawn totally from her account to cover all of her miscellaneous expense, medical, and basic living expenses. So, please, to have anyone ever say we stole from her is ridiculous. She is not a wealthy woman. So we are definitely legally covered regarding the house and any allegations. But thanks for the heads up. We are being very cautious....but so should they now there is such a thing as defamation of character and slander.
I lost my son 9 years ago, and you wouldn't believe how she was, she divided the family during my sons services. I have been dealing with her because noone else would, let them all take care of her and good fricken luck. I too dont' want to attend the service when she goes, because I don't trust myself, See the things she has says people believe which is one of the biggest issues I have. I want to set the record straight, somehow, She has smeared my name, and they funny thing is, I am the only one out of her kids, that graduated high school, went to college, raised all my kids, that all graduated, not to mention a couple foster kids, and at the present time and for the most part the only one of her kids that works.
I lost my son 9 years ago, and you wouldn't believe how she was, she divided the family during my sons services. I have been dealing with her because noone else would, let them all take care of her and good fricken luck. I too dont' want to attend the service when she goes, because I don't trust myself, See the things she has says people believe which is one of the biggest issues I have. I want to set the record straight, somehow, She has smeared my name, and they funny thing is, I am the only one out of her kids, that graduated high school, went to college, raised all my kids, that all graduated, not to mention a couple foster kids, and at the present time and for the most part the only one of her kids that works.
My Mom is back in the hospital, her "local family" = PoA (caregiver&fantasy lover jointly - mother and son) and handyman (the other son) all gathered around her. I am enemy #1 today, best daughter yesterday and tomorrow. In between they bend her ear as to what is NOT in my family's best interest.
Yesterday my mother's sister went to visit her in the hospital and had "words" with the caregiver (granted she has been a housekeeper/friend/caregiver and in the family for 16 years) about not notifying any of us that Mom was taken to emergency. And the "words" mounted and mounted and things got ugly. Later the son/handyman called me and said he would "have his mother execute her PoA so that members of our family couldn't be around my mother and possibly insult his mother's integrity.
Obviously, this is nuts. Further, my mother's atty said it wasn't possible and I should contact another atty to seek guardianship. My own mother's atty!.
I'm done, however, as the money/possessions are no longer important. My mother is happy in her world of these people and I've done what I can. I just need to decide if I can bear to hear that phone ring (with my mom's own ringtone) not knowing whether I'm going to be belittled, or welcomed as her daughter.
She has asked me to leave her alone with regard to all legal matters (obviously) and continues to refuse a discussion of "what if" - as her health IS bad. I would know nothing of what to do - and again, at this point, it is what it is.
I loved whoever it was that said that about the front window being so much bigger than the rearview mirror. I hope so - tho' I'll never be able to stop looking back.