I just found this group and am looking forward to the input from others on various subjects and issues I am having.
I care for my 86 year old mother who has Stage five Dementia. She is confined to a hospital bed, on oxygen, blind and no longer has control of her extremities or can speak.
She was placed on Hospice Care the first of the year by her doctor. Her doctor sees her at least once a month and she has a nurse that sees her three times a week in the morning and a hygienist that comes three times a week in the afternoon to groom and bath her. I provide all the other necessities including making specialized dietary meals, feeding her, diaper changes etc..
I live on a cul-de-sac with only four homes and two that face into it. I know most of the neighbors as I grew up in this house, and many of them still live in the area. I am 55 and my mom is 86.
My problem. Across the street from me is Mr. and Mrs. Kravitz. A husband and wife that have lived her thirty years. They have no life other than the husband maintains a meticulous will landscaped yard. He is so anal about it he mows it on avg. three times a week and transplants new flowers every couple of weeks. The Kravitz have been a pain in the you know what since they first moved into the community. Calling code enforcement on everyone if they felt the person was meeting there expectations of maintaining the neighborhood. I could write a book on just the stuff my parents told took place over the years. The neighborhood refers to them as the Governors of the block.
They personally do not like the way our family home looks because it has no flowers in the front yard, so when they look out there windows they see grass, Oriental Box Wood hedges, a vegetable garden in one section and an off white exterior paint job, something I know they hate because they have comments to not just me but many of our neighbors. Just to show you how extreme they are, I caught the Husband trying to mow my parkway about eight weeks ago because he felt my grass was too tall. When I confronted him to stop he stood in the street and yelled at me that I was being spiteful to him and his wife. I think you get the point.
So about five weeks ago I see someone taking pictures of there yard and code violations they had on there own property. Id did not know who it was but my best guess it was someone in the area that just reached the breaking point on dealing with these two. A week later I see the City Code Enforcement office and the City manager taking pictures of the property, a trailer they had on the driveway, construction equipment etc... I had a good chuckle, but also knew that they would blame me, which is exactly what they did. I had to call LEO into the picture. (another close neighbor had to file a restraining order on these two a few years back) knowing that the situation would go south if I allowed them to confront me.
So last week I get a visit from APS. The anonymous complaint. Over medicating, abuse, and abandonment. When the lady at APS told me who she was I said, "I have been expecting you." she was stunned by the comment, so I proceeded to tell her the issue with the neighbor, and I went into great detail. She asked if she could see my mom and I allowed her in. As were discussing the medications I look at her and say, "You understand she is under Hospice Care", the surprised reaction from her was "What"? So I told her about the medical care she was receiving and told her that if there was an issue with her care anyone of the care providers would have had to report me. She realized that the call was a bogus call and apologized for the inconvenience. As she was leaving she tells me the majority of the calls they get are like this. When I asked her how they proceed with people that use the system to harass she others she said the state law ties there hands and there is nothing they can do.
So I continue to go about my routine and a few days after that visit, every time I walked down my driveway the Kravitz would click there car alarm on the driveway. I actually started videoing it. If I left to go to the store for food or meds they would click the alarm. Then it dawns on me they have a security camera hidden someplace trained on my house 24/7. That was verified when another neighbor told me earlier this week he heard they had just installed one.
Frustrated I call APS and talked to a supervisor. He tells me the same thing there is nothing they can do. Then I ask him about what constitutes abandonment. He tells me the rule of thumb they use is that if you leave the house and house in not in your view of sight that's abandonment. I ask him, if my neighbor presents a time stamped recording of my home where I am gone a couple times a week for fifteen or twenty minutes what would happen. He says we would prosecute you for abandonment.
So what's your thoughts on this?
Then I would do some online research of attorneys in your area, especially ones with constitutional law experience, and ask about 14th Amendment violations. They're intruding on your right to privacy.
I actually don't think there are enough abuses to rise to the level of suing them, but perhaps their unauthorized spying, past attempt to involve APS, filing an unfounded complaint, and other actions might collectively create a cause of action against them. If not, even a warning letter from a vicious attorney might scare them.
These people have obvious control, intolerance, anti-social and other issues, as well as too much time on their hands. I don't know how frustrating and unsettling it can be - there's one in my father's neighborhood and she's a real bitch.
Are there any of your good neighbors that would sit with Mom for an hour? If I were your neighbor in this mess, I would be glad to......just on principle and compassion grounds!!!!
E.g., I believe that one of the Pacific NW cities has an ordinance requiring people to recycle a certain percentage of waste. Start taking pictures of their garbage and bags of lawn clippings. Even if you don't do anything with the photos, they'll wonder why you're taking pictures of them. Let them wonder. Don't engage in conversations on the issue.
Lawns are high maintenance, gas powered engines increase air and noise pollution and disrupt the quiet of the neighborhood. So start videoing (with date and time stamp) these polluters. Even if you don't do anything with the videos, just the fact that you're doing it might make them wonder WHY you're taping them.
Maybe if other neighbors do the same thing, the neighbors and you can collectively incite a sense of discomfort.
It's sad that so many people don't have anything to do with their lives. But I'll bet that if they become needy, or when they get old, they'll be demanding help - I doubt if they're spending their spare time learning coping strategies for old age or infirmity.
I'm really, really sorry to learn what a sad experience this was for you.
Let's try something different, when you see your neighbor out in the yard, say "hi" and maybe ask him some lawn and flower questions to get his expertise, that is if he is approachable. At least you are taking the first step to extend the olive branch. If he accept it, great. If he doesn't, then you know you tried your best.
I think in every neighborhood there is a neighbor who is the "hey, kid, get off my lawn" type of person. We have a Homeowners Association where I live, and there is one guy on the Architectural Review who will go around taking pictures of violations. Oops, I got a notice, a window shutter that came off during a storm. I sent a polite email to the President of the Association asking if it was ok for me to replace that shutter when the painter comes to paint my front porch on such & such date? The answer back was yes. Whew.
I appreciate your comments and I attempted to take the high road when I first moved back into the house in 2012, but that was fruitless. Within a year they were complaining because I removed the rose bushes in the front of the house. When they found out I was moving my mom back in to care for here they flat out told me to my face I was not capable of taking care of her and they made it a point of running around the neighborhood making the same claims to all the neighbors that listen to there B.S.
My point?
If you all cannot figure it out, I will come back later and explain it to you.
You will have to excuse me now, cause I have to get dressed up to answer the door because one of my neighbors has called the police, again.
Wondering how I ever made it to over 65 as an honest, caring citizen, obeying the rules.....
Anyone ever heard of HOA Syndrome?
True story-my brother's wife, (my Sil) tried to redirect the neighbor's spy camera away from their home by using a broom, the camera broke, the evil neighbors sued and my brother and Sil had to move, after great expense with lawyers.
The best revenge is living well, and today they still do!
You are going through so much, I sincerely hope you can be brave and not engage in this neighbor's war, because this kind of hate can kill your spirit-it is ongoing, there will be no relief from it.
Desiderata
Keep about your work that God has given you
Do not flinch because the lion roars,
Do not stop to stone the devil's dogs,
Do not fool away your time chasing the devil's rabbits.
Let liars lie,
Let corporations resolve,
Let the devil do his worst,
But see to it that nothing hinders you from fulfilling
the work that God has given you.
He has not commanded you to get rich.
He has never bidden you to defend your character.
He has not set you at work to contradict falsehood about yourself
which satan and his servants may start to peddle.
If you do those things you will do nothing else,
You will be at work for yourself and not for the Lord.
Keep at your work
Let your aim be as steady as a star.
You may be assaulted, wronged, insulted, slandered, wounded and rejected.
You may be abused by foes, forsaken by friends, and despised and rejected of men.
But see to it with steadfast determination, with unfaltering zeal,
that you pursue the great purpose of your life and object of your being
until at last you can say,
"I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do."