Just thought I'd share the story of my morning(s) here... Please take this in the spirit in which it is intended - or, in the words of Jimmy Buffett, "If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane."
...
Got up at 0615, poured my coffee, sat down at the computer and started checking my email. Hubs gets up ditto. Suddenly, a voice floats out from the bedroom down the hall...
Mom: "Hello? What time is it? Oh God, I'm so coooooold!" (It happens to be 65° outside, and the heater is on in her room.)
So I get up, go in her room, and find that she's thrown off her covers. I cover her back up, crank up the heater a notch or two, and...
Me: "Mom, it's only 0630. I'll be back when it's time to get up."
Mom: "I woke up earlier and I was hot. Now I'm cold."
Me: "Well, I put your covers back on and turned up your heater. I'll be back when I wake up a little. I just got out of bed a few minutes ago."
Mom: "Okay."
Five minutes later...
Mom: "Oh God, I'm so miserable! I need a pain pill. No, I need TWO pain pills."
And then...
Mom: "Hello? Are you there? I can't remember what you said you were going to do. Were you going back to bed, or are you up playing with the kitty? I can't remember. Hello?"
Hubs: "Geez, if you went back to bed, you wouldn't be there long, wouldja?"
Mom: "Hello? Is anybody there? Did you go back to bed? Are you asleep? Hello? Oh God, I'm so miserable! I need my pain pill. Oh, and I'm wet all over. I need my coffee! Are you up? Hello?"
Me (hauling myself out of my chair): "And this is why I drink."
Hubs: "Ah'm thinkin' about takin' it up m'self."
Every day starts with mom saying she will wait to take her shower until I am done with mine.. I tell her every day that we have plenty of hot water.. wash away! Then I hear 500 times about her pain ( Ouch Ouch Ouch, yes I know you are in pain,, did you put a patch on,, Nope) Or her runny bowels ( I only went 2x today, or I have gone 4 times already) Shall I call the Dr? Not again.. or her toe pain ( shall I call the Dr? Not again) She won't go, wait until her next apt. Are we putting up the tree? ( one is up, I am not feeling real Christmassy this year) So up went 2nd tree. The repetition and complaints are tireing to me. And if I try to get up and DO something, she asks "are you leaving already".. I spend a lot of time in the TV room with her. I've told her I am tired because I do nothing, not because I do too much! She says "wait until you are my age",, OK, but I am not your age and I am tired of acting like I am!! It could be worse,, but God I am tired
and I don’t know if BIL is planning to bring the GF on Christmas Eve? Don’t know if I should ask? And I don’t know if ex SIL is bringing her GF, but I am thinking she’s not since she didn’t say she was when we talked last week.
But back to Christmas plans.....I am excited and hope all the kids have fun! I’m switching it up this year, I am NOT going to cook a big fancy meal like I’ve always done. Gonna order lasagna, a couple pastas, salad and pizzas (pizza for the kid) and have a game night for the kids. We have skee ball, tabletop basketball, & cornhole & I’m gonna order another game off amazon tonight but still need to figure out one more game. Might just get a piñata and give a prize to the kid who breaks the piñata. There are 5 kids so I’m getting 5 prizes-$5 Starbucks cards for the 10 & 12 year olds, a 5-pack of hot wheels for the two 7 year olds and an LOL surprise ball for the 5 year old. I hope the kids have fun! Christmas Day we will have a white elephant exchange for the adults at my SILs house.
me: “what, what’s wrong Barbara, what happened?!?”
Dragon: “can you help me with something?”
me: “yes, what?”
dragon: “what time is it?”
(pregnant pause while I gather myself and remember I’m a loving person and a caring professional)
me: “it’s 3am Barbara, is that all you need? I’m very tired and I need to sleep as much as I can before you wake up in a few hours.”
dragon: “no that’s it”
I go back to bed, just start dozing off and....
Dragon: Rickyyy.RickyRickyRickyRickyyyyyypleeeease heellllllpppp meeee!!!!”
I run back in..
me: “what Barbara?”
dragon: “fix my sleeve”
me: “what’s wrong with your sleeve?”
dragon: “it’s not laying flat on my arm”
i just stand there in complete and utter awe and shock. Asking myself, how did I end up here?
Mom: No, I didn't.
Hubby: Mom, you had your hair done today!
Mom: No, I didn't.
Me: Looks like Mrs. T had hers done too!
Mom: No, she didn't.
(BTW - They both looked very nice AND had their hair done!)
Most days (not today) I can look at it from everyone’s point of view! Life is short
and that applies to us. We love all the posts. Keep them coming. But look for a bright spot. A Bluebird Day! Learn to
Build Joy into your day. I just found some
bubbles. I spilled 3/4 of them just trying to open (ugh).
Its 22degrees outside and YES bubbles
freeze!!!!! Oh what fun it is.....
I get to spend every freaking holiday with my husband's first ex-wife, even when event is at our house.
One time, the two of us were talking outside and it freaked my DH out wondering what we were discussing.
Revenge. ;-)
It’s not daily... but often enough:
(Picture family finally getting a little down time. Some where. ANY where. But certainly not more than 5 minutes away.)
{Cell phones going off simultaneously}
”Hello! This is Phillips Lifeline callings on behalf of Herbert Roberts. We had an alert from the residence.”
Me: Did you call his number?
PLL: Yes, But there was no response.
Me: Go ahead and dispatch the ambulance. We’ll be right home.
(Flies over your house, beating the ambulance. Rushes into the house. Father in bed, watching TV.)
Me: Herbert (he’s my step-dad), did you push your Lifeline?
Herbert: No. I was taking a crap, and I bent over to pull up my pants. I took off the Lifeline, but it fell off the bedside table.
Me: Did you hear your phone?
Herbert; Yes, But I was rewatching Maverick, so I didn’t feel like answering it.
Me: Remembers it will go off it it senses you’ve gone to the floor like you’re falling?
Herbert: Yeah.
Me: and it will call you to see if you’re okay before they call anyone else?
Herbert: But I was busy.
Me: So now the ambulance is on its way.
Herbert: they should know I’m okay.
(Ambulance Siren in background.)
Herbert: Run out there and tell them not to bother. Oh! And while you’re not doing anything, can you fix me a couple of eggs. And some toast with just a smear of jelly. Strawberry not grape. And tea with just a touch of sugar. Not like last time. It tasted like syrup.
Me: Sure.
Herbert: and could someone go to the store and buy one of those pound cakes?
Me: in a minute. Let me talk to the ambulance guys.
Herbert; Well, IN getting a little hungry heart. That crap emptied out my stomach. Oh. I think you may need to wash out my underwear. I put them in the shower. They got a little poo poo on them. I ran some water on them.
Me (thinking to myself): Sure. Let me glove up And get right on that.
This happens at least every other week. I think the ambulance people have me in speed dial. And, of course, there have been two instances where it was legit.... so you can’t just ignore it.
My circumstances at the moment blessedly pale in comparison. We have mom who is doing her version of sundowning...dinner is now moved up to 5 PM, unless I am making it which means since I'm not home till 5:20, let my pup out and then make something decent could be 7 PM. But she has decided to go to bed between 6 and 7. Which means she could be up in the wee hours. I cannot let my pup be surprised (or me!) because she could be protective/reactive. Not always...but not taking chances. When we are in bed, if mom gets up say around 3 AM (after we've gone to sleep, pup and I around 2 AM) pup will woof as she goes past our door...mom can't get in much trouble downstairs and if I intervene she gets snotty about doing "WHATEVER I WANT" That would include turning lights on, refusing to listen to me, setting the table with cups, saucers and spoons for she and dad, and UNlocking the patio door. Her brain has it reversed. This led to following suggestions to get a sliding dead bolt installed and handyman #1 refused because "you just can't go around putting locks on every door because what if there were a fire!" Apparently the risk of a break in or murder is okay:-) So when pup woofs that mom has come back up then I have to go back down to lock the door, turn out the lights.
When I go down later I will find a disgusting pile of debris in the sink drain protector of grape skins she has spit into it.
I just had to have a package sent to my work address, which I prefer not to, because anything sent to the house is at risk of her taking it. I do have a PO Box but they won't ship to one. Need to update with PO physical address. Add that to list.
Bought a bag of dog food from Chewy not long ago...25 pounds and that devil of a mother moved it to across the driveway after opening the box! Thank goodness spotted it lying in the sun before harm had come to it.
Brain is very tired of dealing with the details but at least I do not have the incessant complaints and demands for attention let alone wetting. I don't think I could do it alone. May the force be with you...and all of us...
PS I don't drink.
I had given my Husband a container of blocks "jenga" type blocks and he would play with the blocks while I was getting him something to eat. Well he was sort of quiet and that was unusual for him as he always made noises. (he was non verbal but made quite a bit of noise) when I got over to the table with his meal his huge hand was stuck in this container, a sort of square box, I bent the box so I could slide his hand out and he just looked at me and at his hand and said.."that was terrible" I was flabbergasted at the words and the appropriate ones at that! Ya just never know!
I recall I had no help for quite a while..so I was getting a little stir crazy as well as a little burned out. (I did have hospice in and once the CNA said I could run to the store to get a few things if I needed to..bless her heart)
So when I hired 2 caregivers (the last 2 and the best!) Day 1 for the first one..
"ZT" comes in and I tell him, I just got Hubby all set, He had a shower, got him dressed, fed and he is in his chair watching TV, he should be set for a while I HAVE to get to the store, I had not been in over a week. ("ZT" had met my Husband and I had given him a "tour" when I hired him so he knew where everything was).
I run out to the store, I am gone less than 45 minutes, and I am 2 minutes away from home on my way back when I get a call......
"ZT" on the phone...I don't know how it happened ...I go to check on him and the floor is ALL wet....
I laugh said no big deal I am pulling in now.
When my Husband "leaked" through is brief he really leaked through!
Together we got him up, changed and cleaned the floor, the chair and all was good!
I had to laugh that this was in the first 2 hours "ZT" was with my Husband and he really handled things well.
The kids (her great-grandchildren from next door) have been out of school a few days over the last couple of weeks due to snow. They are here more and are in and out on snow days. For the older ones (teen and pre-teen), I cook while their step-mother likes to encourage the kids to microwave frozen snacks and I don't mind if they bring friends as long as everyone returns the dirty dishes to the kitchen. It's funny to see all the "large" shoes lined up in my entryway. For the 5 yo (the "ours" from my nephew's 2nd marriage), he also likes my cooking (and cooking with me), hanging around big brothers, and individual attention (building with legos and lincoln logs, reading, playing games and video games, cuddling through scary movies).
Mom does well during the day, spending a couple hours in the living room watching movies with the kids and then usually napping in her room afterwards. After dark is another story. Hearing the kids moving in the house seems to agitate her. She's tired and doesn't want to visit in the living room, yet stays awake and calls for me hours beyond her usual bedtime, sometimes asking who's in the house or telling me she heard the front door open. Finally, I started closing her door after we finish her bedtime routine and she goes to sleep around her normal time, seemingly unaware of or at least undisturbed by the kids presence in our home.
Emotionally, I do not like closing the door. It feels like I'm isolating her or shutting her out of our lives. I _know_ I'm helping Mom. Her fatigue from a day spent enjoying having the kids around is most likely a big component to her evening agitation. She does not complain or protest. And yet walking back down the hall after shutting that door I feel very sad.
Assistant asked me if she was having a bad day, I told her this was a regular day (two months ago this was a bad day, so what they say is true-a bad day this month is a good day next month).
I filled out her forms, when I went to turn them in, she jumped up and tried to run out the door. So I had to block the door, and she said I was hitting her so she started hitting me. More rudeness to the receptionist. Said she didn’t have time because she had to go to a meeting. Dental assistant played along and said she needed to get her teeth done then she’d have plenty of time for the meeting. Dental assistant passed me a note saying that they might have to reschedule so they could give her a Valium first. I said no, because she’d taken a Xanax before and it had had the opposite effect of making her even more agitated to the point of violence. Assistant suggested different benzodiazepines instead (?), I repeated that that would only make it worse. Told her that rescheduling the appointment would only mean going through this again another day.
Mom finally consented to go back to the exam room, but then came right back out as she had refused the procedure. She said she was sorry that I had behaved so badly and wasted their time (I wrote that right. According to her, it was my fault.)
Drive her back to the facility with her yelling, calling me names and purposely grabbing my arm to make the car swerve. She took my purse and some papers and when I reached to get them back she bit me.
Went to talk to the AL coordinator about a different matter. When I got back she’s all calm and docile, asking, “ Oh, are you very very angry at me?” and telling other people that we had an argument.
Sorry, this isn’t an every day occurrence but I had to get it out. If I had to live with her and go through a version of this every day I don’t know what I’d do. Run away from home probably.