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Just thought I'd share the story of my morning(s) here... Please take this in the spirit in which it is intended - or, in the words of Jimmy Buffett, "If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane."


...


Got up at 0615, poured my coffee, sat down at the computer and started checking my email. Hubs gets up ditto. Suddenly, a voice floats out from the bedroom down the hall...


Mom: "Hello? What time is it? Oh God, I'm so coooooold!" (It happens to be 65° outside, and the heater is on in her room.)


So I get up, go in her room, and find that she's thrown off her covers. I cover her back up, crank up the heater a notch or two, and...


Me: "Mom, it's only 0630. I'll be back when it's time to get up."
Mom: "I woke up earlier and I was hot. Now I'm cold."
Me: "Well, I put your covers back on and turned up your heater. I'll be back when I wake up a little. I just got out of bed a few minutes ago."
Mom: "Okay."


Five minutes later...


Mom: "Oh God, I'm so miserable! I need a pain pill. No, I need TWO pain pills."


And then...


Mom: "Hello? Are you there? I can't remember what you said you were going to do. Were you going back to bed, or are you up playing with the kitty? I can't remember. Hello?"


Hubs: "Geez, if you went back to bed, you wouldn't be there long, wouldja?"


Mom: "Hello? Is anybody there? Did you go back to bed? Are you asleep? Hello? Oh God, I'm so miserable! I need my pain pill. Oh, and I'm wet all over. I need my coffee! Are you up? Hello?"


Me (hauling myself out of my chair): "And this is why I drink."


Hubs: "Ah'm thinkin' about takin' it up m'self."

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Got a call from the Executive Director at the AL facility that my step father and his wife are at, seems yesterday they got into a screaming match with another resident in the dining room...and...she took a swing at the other resident...didn't connect...Ahh yes...Are we having fun yet? Nope, and it's only 9:30 am!
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@DollyMe, that's like getting a call from the principal's office.
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I got you guys beat.  I have gone 4 nights with no sleep.  Mom keeps demanding I get food and put the little ones asleep.  Her youngest grandchild is 25.
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My heart goes out to you.  I understand that AL directors have to deal with violence.
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OMG PeeWee, just last night I was thinking it would "fun" (NOT) to post about how our days go,, and here you are!
Every day starts with mom saying she will wait to take her shower until I am done with mine.. I tell her every day that we have plenty of hot water.. wash away! Then I hear 500 times about her pain ( Ouch Ouch Ouch, yes I know you are in pain,, did you put a patch on,, Nope) Or her runny bowels ( I only went 2x today, or I have gone 4 times already) Shall I call the Dr? Not again.. or her toe pain ( shall I call the Dr? Not again) She won't go, wait until her next apt. Are we putting up the tree? ( one is up, I am not feeling real Christmassy this year) So up went 2nd tree. The repetition and complaints are tireing to me. And if I try to get up and DO something, she asks "are you leaving already".. I spend a lot of time in the TV room with her. I've told her I am tired because I do nothing, not because I do too much! She says "wait until you are my age",, OK, but I am not your age and I am tired of acting like I am!! It could be worse,, but God I am tired
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This is nothing compared to what those of you caring for your elders are going through but.....last week I spoke to my ex-SIL about Christmas plans & she asked if she could come by on Christmas Eve to our annual party. I said sure, because she is still family as far as I am concerned and she’s always welcome. She also told me that on Christmas Day, she is spending the whole day with BIL and their son and that she’d be at whoevers house that was hosting Christmas Day. Today I spoke to my SIL who is hosting Christmas Day at her house and found out that my BIL (her & hubby’s brother) is bringing his girlfriend and her 2 teenagers to SILs on Christmas Day, along with his ex wife/my ex SIL! My SIL and I both think it’s going to be very awkward. SIL also said BIL invited BOTH women without asking her first. I have not met the new girlfriend but my husband has and said “she’s a nice lady”. She is a lot older than my ex-SIL but close to my BILs age and she is divorced and her older daughter does not want her dating anyone. SIL said compares to his 2 ex wives, the girlfriend seems really normal. But regardless....Christmas Day will be interesting! My loyalty is to my ex-SIL (this is the first Christmas since they split up) so for me, it will feel weird having to socialize with both women. Because I don’t know how they feel about each other and if there is any drama between BIL and his ex. But like I told my SIL, if none of them care, why should we? I mean I don’t care what they do or who they bring but I can’t lie, the whole thing is a bit akward for me!

and I don’t know if BIL is planning to bring the GF on Christmas Eve? Don’t know if I should ask? And I don’t know if ex SIL is bringing her GF, but I am thinking she’s not since she didn’t say she was when we talked last week.

But back to Christmas plans.....I am excited and hope all the kids have fun! I’m switching it up this year, I am NOT going to cook a big fancy meal like I’ve always done. Gonna order lasagna, a couple pastas, salad and pizzas (pizza for the kid) and have a game night for the kids. We have skee ball, tabletop basketball, & cornhole & I’m gonna order another game off amazon tonight but still need to figure out one more game. Might just get a piñata and give a prize to the kid who breaks the piñata. There are 5 kids so I’m getting 5 prizes-$5 Starbucks cards for the 10 & 12 year olds, a 5-pack of hot wheels for the two 7 year olds and an LOL surprise ball for the 5 year old. I hope the kids have fun! Christmas Day we will have a white elephant exchange for the adults at my SILs house.
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After telling mom to wait on us making a cake (her arm is broken) until after dinner so I could help her, she proceeds to get ingredients out and manages to drop the sugar container dumping 5 lbs of sugar in the floor 😣 I know I don’t have it as hard as some of you guys but these last 3 weeks since she’s been in my home have been so stressful. Why are they so demanding and impatient? Ugh!
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5 lbs. of sugar on the floor lol. I think I would be a little irritated if I had to clean it up. What a mess!
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Eh a shop vac will suck the sugar right up. But I would be irritated at having to get the dang thing out in order to suck up all that sugar!
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As I go through all of the exact same things everyday, all day long, I have to chuckle. Because if I didn’t I would cry. Which I do on occasions. Hearing this 24/7/365 for over 6 years is truly maddening. A little vacation from the stress would be nice. I just hope I bury her before she has to bury me. And no rude comments. I would do it again . It was my choice. Just blowing off steam.
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Mine starts usually at 2 or 3 am. When the woman I lovingly call the Dragon summons me: Dragon:“Rickyyyyy.Ricky.Ricky.Ricky.Ricky.Rickyyyyy.RICKYYYYYYYYYY!”

me: “what, what’s wrong Barbara, what happened?!?”

Dragon: “can you help me with something?”

me: “yes, what?”

dragon: “what time is it?”

(pregnant pause while I gather myself and remember I’m a loving person and a caring professional)

me: “it’s 3am Barbara, is that all you need? I’m very tired and I need to sleep as much as I can before you wake up in a few hours.”

dragon: “no that’s it”

I go back to bed, just start dozing off and....

Dragon: Rickyyy.RickyRickyRickyRickyyyyyypleeeease heellllllpppp meeee!!!!”

I run back in..

me: “what Barbara?”

dragon: “fix my sleeve”

me: “what’s wrong with your sleeve?”

dragon: “it’s not laying flat on my arm”

i just stand there in complete and utter awe and shock. Asking myself, how did I end up here?
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Me: Mom, you look so nice! You had your hair done today.

Mom: No, I didn't.

Hubby: Mom, you had your hair done today!

Mom: No, I didn't.

Me: Looks like Mrs. T had hers done too!

Mom: No, she didn't.

(BTW - They both looked very nice AND had their hair done!)
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I just want to say thank you for the humor! I can relate to a lot of these tales. We have to be able to laugh, right? I forget my sense of humor when I'm tired, but when I remember it, it does help. Cheers to us all!
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YES. Thank you!!! I am so grateful for this forum so we can share, laugh cry or just vent. (Not a typo tears are tears).
Most days (not today) I can look at it from everyone’s point of view! Life is short
and that applies to us. We love all the posts. Keep them coming. But look for a bright spot. A Bluebird Day! Learn to
Build Joy into your day. I just found some
bubbles. I spilled 3/4 of them just trying to open (ugh).
Its 22degrees outside and YES bubbles
freeze!!!!! Oh what fun it is.....
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Response to WorriedinCalli...
I get to spend every freaking holiday with my husband's first ex-wife, even when event is at our house.
One time, the two of us were talking outside and it freaked my DH out wondering what we were discussing.
Revenge. ;-)
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Mom recently moved from an isolated country retirement village (her choice) to the state I live in. We found a continual care community, and she moved in to IL. But, she really needs assistance. In the midst of proving that she financially qualifies for that assistance, I fall and break my right ankle. No more driving for me. Everything eventually got settled for her, the aides have been helpful even if erratic, and Mom has learned some patience, I think. Next week I hope to be released to drive, so cross your fingers! ;)
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Ha! So very true.

It’s not daily... but often enough:

(Picture family finally getting a little down time. Some where. ANY where. But certainly not more than 5 minutes away.)

{Cell phones going off simultaneously}

”Hello! This is Phillips Lifeline callings on behalf of Herbert Roberts. We had an alert from the residence.”

Me: Did you call his number?

PLL: Yes, But there was no response.

Me: Go ahead and dispatch the ambulance. We’ll be right home.

(Flies over your house, beating the ambulance. Rushes into the house. Father in bed, watching TV.)

Me: Herbert (he’s my step-dad), did you push your Lifeline?

Herbert: No. I was taking a crap, and I bent over to pull up my pants. I took off the Lifeline, but it fell off the bedside table.

Me: Did you hear your phone?

Herbert; Yes, But I was rewatching Maverick, so I didn’t feel like answering it.

Me: Remembers it will go off it it senses you’ve gone to the floor like you’re falling?

Herbert: Yeah.

Me: and it will call you to see if you’re okay before they call anyone else?

Herbert: But I was busy.

Me: So now the ambulance is on its way.

Herbert: they should know I’m okay.

(Ambulance Siren in background.)

Herbert: Run out there and tell them not to bother. Oh! And while you’re not doing anything, can you fix me a couple of eggs. And some toast with just a smear of jelly. Strawberry not grape. And tea with just a touch of sugar. Not like last time. It tasted like syrup.

Me: Sure.

Herbert: and could someone go to the store and buy one of those pound cakes?

Me: in a minute. Let me talk to the ambulance guys.

Herbert; Well, IN getting a little hungry heart. That crap emptied out my stomach. Oh. I think you may need to wash out my underwear. I put them in the shower. They got a little poo poo on them. I ran some water on them.

Me (thinking to myself): Sure. Let me glove up And get right on that.

This happens at least every other week. I think the ambulance people have me in speed dial. And, of course, there have been two instances where it was legit.... so you can’t just ignore it.
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Yes, if we couldn't laugh about our situation as cregivers, we'd be cring all the time. That's why I wrote a book about taking care of my mom:"My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale." We had many frustrating and funny moments, some of which, like yours, overlapped. My mom wanted to tell someone that she had pounded the pavement, looking for a job in NY after college, but what she said was, "I walked the streets of NY, if you know what I mean." My mom might have been a sweet talker, but she wasn't a street walker. One night, we were all hiding in the bathroom, the safest room in the house, sheltering ourselves from an impending storm. My mom associated that room with just one thing. Let's just say the queen almost had a royal flush in a full house. Humor helps. That's why I wrote the book: to help myself (it was cathartic) and to help others.
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God I feel for you. You remind me of how much worse things could be. My patience for that, being that I am exhausted, work part time...I'd lose what shreds of sanity remain.

My circumstances at the moment blessedly pale in comparison. We have mom who is doing her version of sundowning...dinner is now moved up to 5 PM, unless I am making it which means since I'm not home till 5:20, let my pup out and then make something decent could be 7 PM. But she has decided to go to bed between 6 and 7. Which means she could be up in the wee hours. I cannot let my pup be surprised (or me!) because she could be protective/reactive. Not always...but not taking chances. When we are in bed, if mom gets up say around 3 AM (after we've gone to sleep, pup and I around 2 AM) pup will woof as she goes past our door...mom can't get in much trouble downstairs and if I intervene she gets snotty about doing "WHATEVER I WANT" That would include turning lights on, refusing to listen to me, setting the table with cups, saucers and spoons for she and dad, and UNlocking the patio door. Her brain has it reversed. This led to following suggestions to get a sliding dead bolt installed and handyman #1 refused because "you just can't go around putting locks on every door because what if there were a fire!" Apparently the risk of a break in or murder is okay:-) So when pup woofs that mom has come back up then I have to go back down to lock the door, turn out the lights.
When I go down later I will find a disgusting pile of debris in the sink drain protector of grape skins she has spit into it.
I just had to have a package sent to my work address, which I prefer not to, because anything sent to the house is at risk of her taking it. I do have a PO Box but they won't ship to one. Need to update with PO physical address. Add that to list.
Bought a bag of dog food from Chewy not long ago...25 pounds and that devil of a mother moved it to across the driveway after opening the box! Thank goodness spotted it lying in the sun before harm had come to it.
Brain is very tired of dealing with the details but at least I do not have the incessant complaints and demands for attention let alone wetting. I don't think I could do it alone. May the force be with you...and all of us...
PS I don't drink.
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Lord bless you, I think I would drink (more) and go crazy.  How do you do it?  I get so frustrated, I told someone the other day that it was about to push me to drink brown liquor "during" the day.......
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2 sort of funny incidents...
I had given my Husband a container of blocks "jenga" type blocks and he would play with the blocks while I was getting him something to eat. Well he was sort of quiet and that was unusual for him as he always made noises. (he was non verbal but made quite a bit of noise) when I got over to the table with his meal his huge hand was stuck in this container, a sort of square box, I bent the box so I could slide his hand out and he just looked at me and at his hand and said.."that was terrible" I was flabbergasted at the words and the appropriate ones at that! Ya just never know!

I recall I had no help for quite a while..so I was getting a little stir crazy as well as a little burned out. (I did have hospice in and once the CNA said I could run to the store to get a few things if I needed to..bless her heart)
So when I hired 2 caregivers (the last 2 and the best!) Day 1 for the first one..
"ZT" comes in and I tell him, I just got Hubby all set, He had a shower, got him dressed, fed and he is in his chair watching TV, he should be set for a while I HAVE to get to the store, I had not been in over a week. ("ZT" had met my Husband and I had given him a "tour" when I hired him so he knew where everything was).
I run out to the store, I am gone less than 45 minutes, and I am 2 minutes away from home on my way back when I get a call......
"ZT" on the phone...I don't know how it happened ...I go to check on him and the floor is ALL wet....
I laugh said no big deal I am pulling in now.
When my Husband "leaked" through is brief he really leaked through!
Together we got him up, changed and cleaned the floor, the chair and all was good!
I had to laugh that this was in the first 2 hours "ZT" was with my Husband and he really handled things well.
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I have starting shutting Mom's bedroom door in the evenings.

The kids (her great-grandchildren from next door) have been out of school a few days over the last couple of weeks due to snow. They are here more and are in and out on snow days. For the older ones (teen and pre-teen), I cook while their step-mother likes to encourage the kids to microwave frozen snacks and I don't mind if they bring friends as long as everyone returns the dirty dishes to the kitchen. It's funny to see all the "large" shoes lined up in my entryway. For the 5 yo (the "ours" from my nephew's 2nd marriage), he also likes my cooking (and cooking with me), hanging around big brothers, and individual attention (building with legos and lincoln logs, reading, playing games and video games, cuddling through scary movies).

Mom does well during the day, spending a couple hours in the living room watching movies with the kids and then usually napping in her room afterwards. After dark is another story. Hearing the kids moving in the house seems to agitate her. She's tired and doesn't want to visit in the living room, yet stays awake and calls for me hours beyond her usual bedtime, sometimes asking who's in the house or telling me she heard the front door open. Finally, I started closing her door after we finish her bedtime routine and she goes to sleep around her normal time, seemingly unaware of or at least undisturbed by the kids presence in our home.

Emotionally, I do not like closing the door. It feels like I'm isolating her or shutting her out of our lives. I _know_ I'm helping Mom. Her fatigue from a day spent enjoying having the kids around is most likely a big component to her evening agitation. She does not complain or protest. And yet walking back down the hall after shutting that door I feel very sad.
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I am the POA for a distant cousin (linage and 4 hours away).. She finally agreed to 30 days in in AL. Had to buy her a bed and have it and mattress delivered to the facility. She keeps forgetting that she has to provide her own bed at this facility as it's not like Rehab. Stood on my head to get the bed delivered on time. ( I work full time at a stressful job) Leaves me a snotty vm "I hope you are paying for this bed because I'm not".. (oh yes you ARE). Now says she's going home January 1. She has no family and no help. Last time she went home it took her 4 days to fall.. and the EMT's had to break a window to get in to her..I have no idea how she will get home, and what to do about this new bed if she does... I was hoping she would stay in AL at least for 3 months...She calls everyday just to chat..
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daily drama: when she finally wakes up, pill and eyedrop (first of 7 every day) we start the getting dressed drama...may take upwards of an hour as she puts on clothes on top of clothes, one sock on one foot, one shoe on the other, gets out dirty clothes from hamper, insists that someone is watching her from the window (faces blank wall next door), will wear several pairs of clothes if I don't watch/catch her; then walks to front door and goes out in the hall, saying she is going to walk home (sigh), and is lunch ready yet....at bedtime the same, will either get into bed wearing clothes of the day or put nightwear over day wear...another almost an hour...and tomorrow we start over again...but we don't like the alternative (and the 9 year old says he will put me in a home when I reach great-grandma's point...loving child...lol)
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🤣🤣🤣🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️
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I like the Jenga box story below. So if you want the person to sit there and don't do anything, just put a long narrow cardboard box over each hand.
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I have not been through this yet, but I have one question--why not lock them in the bedroom overnight? Make sure it's a bedroom with a small bathroom off of it, put a camera in both rooms, motion sensor alarm on bed and windows, a TV. And drugs to make them sleep? I know there are laws about fire safety, but who is really going to come to your house every night and make sure you have not locked your parent with dementia into an otherwise safe bedroom? Maybe put the Jenga boxes on her hands as you say goodnight.
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Mom is in AL/MC and I pick her up from there to take her to doctors’ appointments. Monday was her PCP, she refused to go because she “didn’t make the appointment” and “it wasn’t on her schedule.” I went home. Wednesday was a dental procedure. She argued and argued but finally agreed to go. Muttered complaints about me the whole way there. Got there, refused to get out of the car then walked from the car to the office as slowly as possible. Insulted and mocked the receptionist’s words and gestures. Yelled and argued with the staff—all of whom of course stopped what they were doing to stare. All the attention of course meant amp up the performance.
Assistant asked me if she was having a bad day, I told her this was a regular day (two months ago this was a bad day, so what they say is true-a bad day this month is a good day next month).
I filled out her forms, when I went to turn them in, she jumped up and tried to run out the door. So I had to block the door, and she said I was hitting her so she started hitting me. More rudeness to the receptionist. Said she didn’t have time because she had to go to a meeting. Dental assistant played along and said she needed to get her teeth done then she’d have plenty of time for the meeting. Dental assistant passed me a note saying that they might have to reschedule so they could give her a Valium first. I said no, because she’d taken a Xanax before and it had had the opposite effect of making her even more agitated to the point of violence. Assistant suggested different benzodiazepines instead (?), I repeated that that would only make it worse. Told her that rescheduling the appointment would only mean going through this again another day.
Mom finally consented to go back to the exam room, but then came right back out as she had refused the procedure. She said she was sorry that I had behaved so badly and wasted their time (I wrote that right. According to her, it was my fault.)
Drive her back to the facility with her yelling, calling me names and purposely grabbing my arm to make the car swerve. She took my purse and some papers and when I reached to get them back she bit me.
Went to talk to the AL coordinator about a different matter. When I got back she’s all calm and docile, asking, “ Oh, are you very very angry at me?” and telling other people that we had an argument.
Sorry, this isn’t an every day occurrence but I had to get it out. If I had to live with her and go through a version of this every day I don’t know what I’d do. Run away from home probably.
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W, adv stage Alz, sleeps in hospital bed with bedrails. Manages to get both legs up to the knee joint through the bedrail bars and hanging free outside bed. How long has she been like that? Don't know but this is early in the morning. Legs are cold, bent sideways at the knee joint. With help of an Aide we can't get the legs back out of the bed rails and on the bed. W is in pain but with speech problems can't tell us where they hurt. We call helpful Fire Dept. who sends three guys over with battery powered hacksaw and cuts rails. We get W back on the bed and examine damages. No broken bones, no dislocation, a lot of swelling, nasty looking scrape down side of one calf. W meanwhile falls asleep so we cover her and she sleeps ten straight hours, then another twelve through the next night. Next day like nothing ever happened. Remedy: secure blanket over rails and tuck into bed. Fix rails where cut with a dowel wrapped in duct tape. On to the next day...
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Thank you PeeWee57!! Even though I am not taking physical care of my mother, and I hear all the things that my sister and her family are doing to Mom, (and with her money) I loved your first few minutes of the day!! Praying for you during these holiday seasons.
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