My mom has been getting worse with Dementia for the last several years. In the past few months, she has really gone downhill with her stories and accusations! She has always talked sweetly to me, but now has turned on me! She lives 3 hours away. She hates her grandchildren that live in that area. She accused them of stealing things from her that she has never owned. She dreams it up! She blames everyone for everything even when they have done nothing wrong. Also, she drinks beer from 10-11 am up until she goes to bed. How can this be good for her? Now she is trying to tell me that she gave me 2 hand-tooled leather photo albums to hold for her. She did not! She gave me a box of old albums but what she describes is not in that box. She is calling and leaving EVIL hateful messages. It is just so sad. I even blocked her phone number from calling my phone. I am in hopes that she forgets all about it, but I doubt it as she has been talking about those photos albums for the past year. Dementia is a horrible disease!
If you are not her PoA and/or are not interested in helping her then please contact APS so they know she is a vulnerable adult who may need more help and protection.
I would suggest talking to her doctor about possible meds. Dementia patients can become belligerent, moody, etc. but they can't control it. Their brain is no longer theirs. My Mom is in a Memory Care Assisted Living facility. She doesn't want to keep her wipes (for her bottom) in her bathroom because people come in and steal them. She has her own room/bathroom and no one comes in take them. I just say, "Oh no, well I will put 1 package in the bathroom and the rest in this drawer in your room." She then forgets about it until I bring more. I let her talk and am usually able to get her thoughts focused on other things.
You will have to deal with mourning the loss of your Mother. You will go through the grieving process many times over the course of her dementia and the decline it causes. I am not a big medication believer, but there comes a time when meds are warranted and can help. It sounds as though your Mother has reached that point.
I have not spoken with her all week since she now focuses her anger on me over those missing photo albums that don't exist. She keeps leaving messages saying that when she was here (she hasn't been here) she saw her photos dumped out all over my floor. I finally blocked her number from calling me. My daughters do not want me to talk to her at all. This is putting a lot of stress on me. I have 100% heart block... meaning that my pacemaker is 100% dependent on keeping my heart beating. I don't need to deal with her false accusations right now or ever. She is going to end up being the death of me. She is literally breaking my heart.
I remember the day that it finally occurred to me that "stealing" and "theft" are judgements we make because we think we had something and now we don't have it. With dementia, she cannot accurately know what she has and her brain is unable to figure out whether she had it. However, she does know that it is gone, therefore, the conclusion (judgement) is that someone stole it.
In other words, you don't know, what you don't know.
If she hasn't seen a doctor about these symptoms, she should. The doctor might be able to prescribe some medication that will help.
I also suspect that you are getting to the stage in dementia where the family might need to move Mom to a Memory Care unit.
Good luck to you.
I’ll just add, there are many degrees/levels of dementia. If I had a bit of dementia, I wouldn’t want to die as soon as possible.
My grandmother had a bit of dementia. She was an extremely happy person, without or with dementia. She lived happily every day till the end.
EVIL is the word that comes to my mind as well. Everytime I go to that house, I feel I'm in the presence of the devil himself.