Is it wrong to hope someone dies?

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Is it wrong to hope someone dies?

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This is very difficult to talk about. I can't talk for others, or think about what other people should do, because it is too complex. I have gone to a lawyer and have a strict living will, no medical interventions unless I can choose them for myself. If I cannot choose, then there will be no medical intervention. This has given me great peace of mind, and also I am able to not worry about my children who would be faced with this enormous and complex medical system, let alone the burden and struggle of caring for me. They have a right to live their lives.

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Reply to Ellwood970

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I completely agree with you. The same with me. When my body approaches its expiration date, I don't want any heroic medical measures to prolong my agony. The sooner I'm gone, the better for everyone. Nobody lives forever.

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Personally, I think it is only human. My Mom is a sweetheart but is still grieving my Dad who passed last May, suffers chronic UTI issues, dementia, depression and little quality of life. I fight these thoughts and feel terrible for having them but I just want her and MY suffering to end.

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Reply to TeresaC

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I know what you mean about the negative attitude. When I didn't live with my mother, I would dread getting on the phone because she would just endlessly complain about things that aren't really a big deal. She always seemed in a downer mood though she swears she doesn't have any issues with depresson. I realize she most likely has repressed trauma of her own that she never dealt with. My grandmother had severe personality disorder issues and was never nice to anyone.

I don't think I will be free emotionally to just relax and not feel bad and affected by my mother's unhappiness and negativity (which often is unloaded at me) until she's gone as well. That's just a plain fact that I realized a long time ago. The other action would have been to never speak to her again, but she's not always like this and I love her anyway and have family loyalty.

I'm living with bipolar disorder, ptsd, and Fibromyalgia, myself, so some days it's super hard for me to take on any extra stress.

Just want you to know that I empathize and it sounds like your mother has a lot of health issues. At some point, she has to go and I understand how you feel. It's hard to deal with a negative person all the time who seems intent on bringing everyone else down around them. It's like being held in a prison of someone else's mind - just even having to be exposed to constant negativity.

Also, every elder who has someone to look out for them is very lucky. I don't believe there will be anyone looking out for me that is family if I live that long - single, no kids, no close relatives.

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Reply to wileycat66

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My situation is so similar - I really don't think I will ever be free emotionally to just relax- I always had to be careful what I said in front of her and at 65 it's still the same- we can have good days together but always on her terms and I always feel like I'm a prisoner of her mind. She is 86 and has never given me a break with anything, I realize much of this is self imposed but I have been trained this way, my dad died earlier this year and I struggle with being single and no kids, My brother died in his 20's. I constantly think how to change this however feel that while she is with me I am not likely to lose the heaviness and judgement that is always there no matter what I do or how I do it about I have great friends but you know they have their own struggles. She is so negative wants no one in her life doesn't understand why people need friends and gives me a hard time when I want friendships or to socialize it's a heavy burden for me. Like my father I am typically a very social person, I share nothing minimum but the bare minimum with her always for fear of her judgement because its always there & it's exhausting. I do know that she has her own struggles and that she must have had it tough or maybe not but it's a mental illness and she has no control of it, however I have lived with that mental illness myself for 65 years and I am so ready to be rid of it I want to relax and not have to worry, I to want a mother that I can go to when I feel bad and what I want some support but I have never had that. I have always had to look for it elsewhere for happiness for support for a mother. She has always been great about cooking and cleaning the things mother are suppose to do in her estimation but I have never ever been able to go to her to make me feel better about anything and if I did I would find myself feeling even worse than I started out, so sad fo her but just as sad for me.

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No I dont think it's wrong. I feel the same. My mum is in care home desperately unhappy. Skin the same as you describe. Copd. Dementia and an aneurysm on her brain. She is so unhappy and cant understand what's going on. For me, only daughter its hell, everything is down to me. I'm tired and even my tired bits are tired !! My mum has given up. She barely eats. Is so thin I told her I was going to use her as a Halloween decoration. Walking wind chime my son calls her. Its horrific condition and breaks my heart every time I visit often leaving me in tears. So no i get that you wish them peace. I do my mum too. I prayed the anurisum got her before dementia, sadly that did not happen. It's not wrong, it's your love and kindness for your mother. Why would anyone want to see them suffer.

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Reply to Nichola

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Ugh, I totally understand how you feel (particularly tonight since I've had a bad night with my mom who is 'recovering' from a stroke and who I suspect might have dementia and called me horrible things tonight). Anyways, I have also wished that my mom was dead. I know that it's like the ultimate taboo and that the thought brings up instant guilt, but I've felt it so many times in the past month that I've analyzed why I feel this way and what I really mean by it. At least for me, I don't actually wish that my mom was dead. I wish that the problem was dead. I wish that the grief and guilt and selfishness on her part and the uncooperative and sometimes abusive attitudes she has were dead. I wish that the burden it has placed on my life were dead. To me it's just like saying "I don't hate her, I hate the disease that has made her this way." I don't feel guilty about any of these thoughts or feelings anymore, no matter how dark they are. It's important to explore the light and dark because otherwise they remain mysteries that we have to work harder to understand.
I think you have every right to feel the way you're feeling, and if anyone says otherwise than they're either a pious prick or they've never been a caregiver. Or both. It's totally normal to not want to have to deal with negativity all the time. It's totally normal to not want to feel weighed down by someone who doesn't appreciate the effort we put in anyways. It's totally normal to want a happy life and to want the thing standing in the way of that to go away. Was she like this when you were young? If she's always been this way then honestly I don't think you owe her anything, and a full-time nursing or hospice home might be the best thing for her. Let her see that you won't put up with her negative attitude.
If that isn't an option, which I understand because it isn't an option for me, then set some limits if you can. My mom is incredibly resistant and negative too, but what works for me is telling her that if she continues this behavior I'll walk away or if she won't take her meds then I'll have to have her go to an assisted living facility where they can take better care of her. It sounds like emotional terrorism, but honestly sometimes a mild threat (even one you have no intention of actually carrying out) can do the trick and let them know that you mean business.
It is not your responsibility to put up with the ugliness that someone else wants to spread out into the world. I wish the absolute best for you and I hope it at least helps to know that you are not alone, nor are you a bad person for having these thoughts. God bless.

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Reply to Rosewater

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I wish that the problem was dead. I wish that the grief and guilt and selfishness on her part and the uncooperative and sometimes abusive attitudes she has were dead. I wish that the burden it has placed on my life were dead.

thank you this is so well put.

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Caregiving a miserable invalid who hates you and life is horrible. But if that person is alive, it's for a crucial reason. Either that person or the ones caring for them have lessons to be learned or suffering to go through in atonenent for things we've done in life. This is what I have learned fron wiser people than me. It didn't make me feel any better, and if I was supposed to learn patience or kindness I didn't do very well with my mother, but I still believe that these horrific situations are some of the greatest opportunitues we human beings have to .... be human. To be far, far beyond what animals are. What is God giving me the opportunity to do here? What opportunities is God giving my faltering mother (father, husband, wife)? Believe me, I know it's noble to say it and almost impossible to apply it, but it's still true. I was my mom's 24/7 caregiver through 7 years of blindness and total incapacity. Like I said, I failed at most every turn if God wanted me to be more caring, loving and patient. But maybe my soul is just a little better off for those endless days of at least being there for her. And maybe Mom's suffering and the humility she learned-- just a little of --helped hers too.

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Reply to ChiGirl68

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Couldn't have summed things up better myself.

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After reading all these answers, I am left wondering why wish anyone dead? Some of you say the mother or father has been a mean person all their life, if so why wish them dead? If you believe in an afterlife, do you think a mean person will go to a " heaven"? I know most of the Christian beliefs think such a person would spend eternity in "hell". No matter if that person due to dementia became unpleasant to live with, do you really want to wish death on anyone? Myself, being in constant pain and not much joy in living do not want to die, as what is after death? Could be an eternity much worse than this life. Just my opinion. To me cherish each day you have no matter what pain I am in I prefer life over death.

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Reply to Bhltn2u

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I am hoping that my husband will die. He is in terrible pain and can comprehend little. He has dementia and is deaf and it is practically impossible to communicate. He was as good a person as most, and better than many. If his 40-year-old self could see himself as he is now, he would be embarrassed and appalled. He has paid his dues and earned his place in heaven, so why 20 years of hell on earth? If God does not let him into heaven soon after all the pain and suffering He has allowed my husband to experience, God and I are going to have a problem

(21)

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This question was asked in 2012. Long time ago. I wish BelleFleur would update us on how things went, because these feelings are so common.

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Reply to Debstarr53

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I noticed that date as well, but wondered if its really just a type-o. Sis she mean to type 2021?

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I totally can relate to your feelings...there is only so much you can physically and emotionally bear, and should have to bear ,due to mother not creating a life for herself indepedendent of her expecting for you to give up yours. Unlike you, my mother was never a loving mother, and at 91, she is a volcano of bitternness, jealousy, anger and hatred..all directed foward me..I am happily remarried and have a close relationship with my husband, brother children and grandchildren , even though they live out of state . She made my wonderful handicapped late fathers life a living hell, and I am happy that he is at peace for 9 years now. I pick up her groceries and take her to dr appts but consider her an unpaid client that I have to deal with and limit my interactions to those business matters. I again today got a diatribe about being selfish that I am taking a rare vacation with my husband. She complained that she and my dad took my brother and I on trips when we were little, and when I reminded her thats what families and parents do, she then she accused me of being a bad mother. Deflect and never take responsibility is her mantra . I left an abusive marriage and worked 2 and sometimes 3 jobs to put my sons through college and was a single mom for 19 years..and she told me I was a loser and " stupid" to get married again...she hates my husband and once told me that she "knows" I am unhappy with him.That is actually her wish that my marriage would fail, and I would be alone like her and more at her beck and call. ... I have no feelings of love or compassion toward her, and pray that this nightmare will not outlast my own life, as I have a lot of health problems and surgeries. This is not dementia...I have had her surrepticiously tested by her Dr who is familiar with her narcissism and has tried to intervene on my behalf ..but she knows how to turn on the charm and lie to his face. She has never been called on her abusive behavior and hates me for doing so...like a spoiled brat 2 year old. My brother lives over 100 miles away and has gone pretty much no contact because of her verbal abuse and manipulation. Hang in there..Its a heavy burden way too many of us have...Sending a hug..

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Reply to tygrlly1

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Your mom is my mil! So sick of the games and manipulation. My Mom was a great manipulator. I have had that therapy more than once. Does my mil think her son and I are stupid? And on it goes…sending you prayers, honey!

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Your thoughts are probably normal under the circumstances. I hear your anger. My circumstances are a bit different.. My soon to be 88 yr old mom was a great mom but I hear me thinking “when will this end?”. Only 3 years of this and I am worn out from the never ending neediness, constant complaints and non stop medical concerns which may be unfounded. It feels like I have another child to take of and I am too old for kids! I am 70. This could go on another 10 years. My retirement is over. This is an unpaid part time job. I love my mom dearly but she is not really enjoying a great life nor am I………...Good luck!

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Reply to Sadinroanokeva

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Sending positive thoughts!

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Ask the hospital to put her into hospice and tell them she will have NO ONE to take care of her when she gets out of the hospital. They are required to release her into a safe environment and if it is not you, it will have to be assisted living or a convalescent home of some sort.

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Reply to karenchaya

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My opinion would be no. Because I'm in the same boat my mother is the same way. Never satisfied things are always depressing, I do my best but ask the Lord to take her out of the pain, she is in a prison in her mind. Dementia, diabetes, and osteoporosis. Good luck& hang in there. Margaret

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Reply to Margaretf

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also in the same boat, so hard when physically my mom is fairly Ok but the mental toll it has taken on me when I think about our life, bitterness and anger can so easily seep into my day- she was never satisfied always depressing add to it my guilt of not being able to make her happy is a toxic mix - the depression, the judgement, I wish for her to be freed of her pain as I have watched that pain for a whole lifetime am 65 and it sadly has seeped into my skin as well and it's so hard to shed- I wish for her to wake up one day and see the world with some sunshine in it but she sees only clouds and thunderstorms no matter how hard I try to paint it differently- I'm 65 single and she's my only family member I try my best but as my long departed brother once said someone should put her out of her own misery and that was 40 years ago- the wish for someone to be freed of pain when she is finally gone how complicated will those feeling be - I don't think I will ever feel free so hard to let go of that past.

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I think your feelings are yours without regard to the "rightness or wrongness" of them. I am not a therapist but I don't think you should get hung up in is it right to wish the end for her. If you can try to be as gracious as possible and not be turned into an angry human being as well, then your life might be a bit easier. Consider a home health care worker if that is within your budget. Sometimes writing in my journal helps when I'm having struggles or taking a walk outdoors, doing whatever feels peaceful. Best to you!

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Reply to TexasParalegal

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Today after mum (99) in her own house, being so bad last week and on Friday thinking had Cold Sepsis with all the signs were pointing that way....she is now awake again and trying to get out of bed! The doc's always give antibiotics at any age and signs of any infection..why try when she is that age, has a DNR in place and has been wanting to go home to dad and peace for at least past 5 years?! I have to be honest and say again how we as a family feel on this rollercoaster. If mum had a good quality of life, no worsening dementia then yes that would be so lovely..reality is totally different! The District Nurses/Docs never come to visit when she has been so ill and should have been on the Continuing Health Care NHS Fast tracking at least 2 years ago..but no...they only see her when antibiotics have 'worked' and say she is now back to ok???!! A broken system with no common sense..no time to really see people like mum who are so weary but for some reason not 'letting go' the whole health& social care system needs scraping and some fresh lateral thinking come into play..before all of us reach that stage..God forbid.!! I know am not alone thinking all above. Its all so very sad and stressful for families watching and although fighting as we do for our loved ones, the system can't/won't help them.

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Reply to Cally21

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Sometimes I wonder if withholding antibiotics could be a part of a person’s DNR, living will kind of thing. And pneumonia vaccines. Pneumonia is an easy death compared to what I’m watching happen to my dad. It’s a slow motion process enough as it is without antibiotics stabilizing them.

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Oh, just so you know, I have the same feelings about my mom. I feel horrible by having these feelings and I want to stop but I want her to have peace. She has vascular dementia, a wound on her foot that wont heal. ( No she is not diabetic)I've posted before how she refuses to go to assisted living and am told that demented minds shouldn't be making the decisions, which I totally agree with BUT, even with POA over my mom and dad ( he has lost his memory rapidly over the past few months) I cannot force them to go against their wishes. My mom can hardly walk anymore. Totally incontinent with #1 and 2. Demands EVERYTHING be done for her, even though she sees that your in the middle of something else for her. Won't stop saying it until you do it. She has wound care 3x a week and PT twice a week. Finally agreed to a caregiver during the week and I come Friday-Mon sleeping on a blow up mattress. My caretaking has taken up my life and I swear my face has aged 10 years. Even when I'm not with them, I'm constantly on the phone with the caregiver ( I counted 13 times before noon), ordering things for them. Taking calls from PT and wound care. So I'm not really off when I'm off. I am way, way past being overwhelmed and depressed over the situation. And yes, as she can't do anything herself, I and she wishes she could just die. I want her to free of her broken body and flying high!!! I feel guilty now and know that I'll feel even worse once she does pass and I know that I was wishing it. She is 86 and her mom lived to 93. I've been reading the answers hoping for a way to get over these feelings but haven't really seen one.
Also I too have a sister that lives 10 minutes away and NEVER helps at all!! And she is an RN!! I live an hour away and am here every weekend. I dread it, it's also a constant fight over the thermostat. We live in FL and they are happy with it being 80 to 83 in the house and per mom, can't turn on any ceiling fans. Needless to say when my dad turns it off, I go right behind him and turn it back on. I guess I should have made my own post about it because I'm definitely venting on my response to yours. I could go on and on but I won't. Please just know that you are not alone in your feelings and my heart definitely goes out to you!!!

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Reply to CJLC1234

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May I recommend therapy for yourself? It’s better than a day at the spa! Get it all off your chest…therapy taught me that one can carry around all the crap in a bag held over your shoulder. Well, when the bag gets full you MUST put it down. Don’t let the bag explode on you! Bag is full, put it down! Great words to live by!

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You MUST let the social worker at the hospital know SHE CAN NOT go back to living with you and ask what are the other choices for her care? They will ask you if you have Medicare and Medicaid, because those would take care of the rent for the assisted living or whatever. They give $50 to the person and the rest is for rent. Tell them in NO WAY is she going to come home with you. You don't have to have her dead to get rid of her. You just have to be pro active in getting her a proper placement.

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Reply to karenchaya

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Do you have to be on Medicaid & Medicare? Nobody seems to help when you have no money. I live in NJ I moved in with my mother but keep my apartment so I can escape if a sibling comes by. Which very rarely happens.

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I totally sympathise with you and understand you 💯 per cent my mother is the same I stopped asking how are you as all you get is doom and gloom and how she doesn’t want to be here anymore it depresses the life out of you for my sanity I have cut down the visits as I feel that she is making me hate her she is rude and horrible and I feel there is no point in her living she is 82 and I dread to think she might live another 10 years or so 🥴 you are not alone there must be millions of us out there x

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Reply to Taylorb1

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I feel the same way. I absolutely hate it when my mother is crying becaus9e she hates the changes that have come with old age. She is 93 and is struggling with not being able to do things for herself anymore. She was always independent and strong willed! She argues with me when I tell her she needs to use her walker. She claims she doesn't need it even though she has been assessed and was deemed to be at high risk of falling! She has dementia and calls me constantly every day. She would like me to visit every day. I visit her twice a week. She's in a really nice retirement home with a very caring staff. Her constant reliance on me is really wearing me out. I am the one who does her banking, picks up what she needs and takes her to all of her medical appointments. She has dementia and is always losing things. I know she can't help it but I am so tired of constantly looking for her teeth and hearing aids. I dread the thought of doing this for years to come. I love my mother very much but I also think death would be a relief for both of us. I don't like feeling this way but I'm sure I'm not alone.

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I recently became caregiver for my mother who has alzheimer's after my father suddenly passed away in July. I've always been close to my mom, yet our relationship was also volatile at times because she could be emotionally/mentally abusive at times growing up. But, she was also my best friend too. We had a strange relationship. Taking care of her is very challenging. I suffer from health issues myself including depression and OCD. I am at the end of my rope and have lost all hope for any future and do hope she dies at times. But, I think that even if my mom passed, I wouldn't be free because of the guilt I'd feel for my thoughts and even how I've treated her. Know that you are not alone in your feelings. I am a Christian, but am now struggling tremendously with my faith. I feel overwhelmed, alone, and feel like when I pray things only get worse. Hugs to all of you on this journey.

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Reply to perturbed07

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"I've always been close to my mom, yet our relationship was also volatile at times because she could be emotionally/mentally abusive at times growing up."

I can relate to this. My mother still gets abusive at the drop of a hat for things I often can't understand. I will always regret that I had a challenging relationship with my mother that caused me a lot of stress in life and led to a lot of challenges I have now with my mental health.

I am not happy about how I have reacted at times to her behavior, which she clearly has not been able to control due to her own upbringing.

I just end up with feelings of guilt and shame and feeling responsible for my mother's happiness as she gets older and has no one but me really. Hugs to you as well and hang in there! Be kind to yourself.

(5)

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I have been in a not so good marriage 42 years.He always had a bad temper. I was almost
always afraid of him. Now he has Alzheimer’s. He has not abused me now for a couple years. Not sure if it is because his energy level has decreased or that he realizes I’m all he has and needs me to take care of him. I resent this. My life has now changed. I am miserable and don’t want to live. All I see in my future is dealing with the worsening symptoms. All he does is sit in front of tv all day and seems happy to do that. I do everything. I really am struggling with hateful feelings towards him. For the way he has treated me and blame myself for the choices I made. Don’t know how I can go on. Ty for reading this. I know it could be worse. God Bless all out there. It is so hard.

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Reply to Pamela8

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You poor soul I feel the same as you but it’s with my mother would you not consider putting him in a home? You need to have a little bit of happiness and you won’t get that if you keep going always remember the saying if you do what you always do you get what you always get time for you to be happy now before it’s too late go on think of yourself now it’s you time x

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I completely understand. I feel the same way about my MIL. Her health is not as bad but her mental issues is whats causing so much discord. She caught COVID because she thought it was a hoax so she not only put her life in danger, but my family as well. NOW, we have to take time out of our life to make sure she is ok when this could of been prevented. I feel like we care more about her than she does. I am just tired of her. She is a burden to us all.

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Reply to TonzTee

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I think it's very normal to feel that way. Most of the people on this site can probably relate. My mother has Alzheimer's and I cared for my father before her. I used to wish he would die and now I wish she would. When you are exposed to so much suffering, it's normal to wish it would end. Death is the only end to these situations often. Someone else commented that they are feelings, not things you act on. I think that's a great way of thinking about it.

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Reply to Sophiahd

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🙏🏽

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O dear God thank you for this. Your story has me in tears. I also believe I have a narcissistic mother.. but she can be very loving. I have a lot of resentment towards my mother but also guilt but she has put that there. I’ve also said those words of death about mine. Mine is not in the severe decline as your mother but she is needy needy needy. I’ve been beating myself up for my thoughts. It’s such a relief to hear from others…I’m not the only one please hang in there!

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Reply to Marymo67

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stop beating yourself up. you are doing all you can and you are a blessing to her. your feelings are your feelings people sometimes reap what they sow.
I too am praying for a peaceful speedy transition for my mom who sounds like yours. your feeling are valid. I too experience guilt where she is concerned..
keep the faith God hears you.

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Reply to megrex71

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You are so right to say stop beating yourself up. I know that I am doing my best for my elderly mom. I also know that her dementia will get worse and there's nothing I can do about it. It sucks but that's the reality. When she's having a bad day I just hope tomorrow will be a better day and I keep going. No one said growing old is easy! I count my blessings and try to stay positive.

(5)

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Wow! You are really going through some tough times. I think it's perfectly natural to have your feelings, I had them too even with great support from my sister and BIL. I'm not qualified to give you any advice, other than don't beat yourself up for your feelings. This is a great place to vent and get support. I hope you find peace with yourself soon.

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Reply to CTYankeeinOR

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No it is not wrong. Feelings are just feelings. We don’t act on them. This caregiving is not easy. Compassion and prayers coming your way......

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Reply to Crazysue

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My narcissist “mutha”, smoked herself into COPD, exposed me to it purposely (she’d drag me in the bathroom when I was 4, and make me sit there while she smoked and pooped. I had awful sinus infections growing up and she beat me for needing to go to the doctor.
No DCF in those days.
I was the youngest of the three.
They called me “Cinderella,” and made me clean starting at 8.
She I made me POA then Conservator.
She wanted me to see, she was leaving me 0.
I watched her take her last breath.
It was very healing ❤️‍🩹
Lawyers had me keep a journal of my hours and they told me to pay myself $50.00/hr, because she was so difficult and rotten to the core.
She tortured me until I turned 13, and could fight back.
I felt the same way and I don’t feel I’m evil.
#NarcissistSurvivor twice - we attract it apparently 🤷🏼‍♀️

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Reply to KristineB

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Sending hugs I’m glad you are free of her now x

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I'm just writing here because there is no one else I could say this to, but I know that people on this site know. The anticipatory grief and relief of my husband passing just keeps going around in my mind. I find it uncomfortable, but sometimes pleasant. Pleasant as it relates to him no longer suffering, things not getting worse, being able to go back to church, to work, do something with a friend, my kids, my grand-daughter; decluttering the house as he is a saver of things and I am a get rid-er of things; the end of the caring duties. But the weird thought, the sad thought, of never being able to talk to him again, that this is how the marriage went for most of our years, all part of all these musings. I know we can't know when it will happen. Probably best that way. But he seems as though he is declining so much, I wonder how long he will continue on. I know it is in both of our best interests for me to "be here now". I really don't want to think too often of these things about him leaving. But I do.

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Reply to zeph317

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Don't feel guilty or stress about your thoughts of his leaving. It is perfectly normal to want an end for his suffering and to reclaim your own life. My husband died 6 years ago and I pray to him often. When I do this I always dream about him afterwards. I believe he hears my prayers and that we will be reunited again when I pass. Hang in there and be good to yourself. You deserve it.

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My dad is a sweetheart but has zero quality of life and can no longer converse with me or make sense of his world as his dementia progressed very very quickly. Unfortunately his health seems stable. I'm hoping for EVERYONE's sake that his life passes soon. But he could live on like this for years. It's not so much the bother to me because I just go for quick visits and he barely even tries to talk to me. but it's just very sad to see him like this. He does still recognize me but it's hardly rewarding to him or me. I know he isn't happy at the memory care although they take excellent care of him. It might not be right to feel these feelings but I think it's certainly normal and understandable.

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Reply to marydys

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It is very normal. Dementia is horrible, for the patient and their family. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Mom has early stage dementia and I hope she passes before it gets really bad. I know she is frustrated with her mental decline and I hate not being able to help her. God help us all to carry on for as long as it takes!

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I think this is an absolutely normal thought to have, even if the loved one you’re looking after isn’t a horrible person. It can just be so tiring and stressful; causing burnout and even feelings if resentment.
I am an only child and moved in with my 89 year old mother 4 years ago after my father died. I was able to do this as I was divorced and living single. It was alright for a while but the last year or two she is becoming increasingly fragile, forgetful, neurotic, angry and with a kind of hostility that was not evident in her nature before. Plus she repeats the same 4 stories and opinions and cliches all the time and gets mad at me when I get impatient. I’m just so BORED with her and of course feel horribly selfish and guilty because I am impatient, bored, burnt out and frustrated with her. I love my mother but I admit I don’t like her all that much (she has a gossipy nature and is stubborn as hell). She’s really not the worst at all and I know she appreciates all that I do but she doesn’t respect many of my boundaries and doesn’t seem to care about what I go through. I feel that is selfish, even though she comes across as super unselfish to other people.
It feels that I don’t have a life of my own anymore. I do it ALL in our household, but of course I don’t resent her for that - just more her attitude and general personality. I feel like a real b**** daughter and feel very guilty about it and super guilty that I want an end to it soon. She misses my dad, she’s tired and becoming more depressed so I think she’d enjoy the afterlife much more!
I think it’s very normal to have these feelings but I feel guilty anyway…

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Reply to Ruby1968

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me too, My Mom is 92 has lived with me for 5 years. No family help. Covid 19 virus interfering with getting help and getting out. I pray God's forgiveness for all of us for how we feel having to do this job for our family members. It definitely has made me feel so negative. God Bless you and everyone that has to do this job, ❤️

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Along with several others, I too feel the same way at times. My mom can hardly walk and she can do very little for herself. She never says thank you, nothing nice. I tell myself that she resents having to be dependent on anyone. I try not to say you already said that or when she doesn’t remember places, remind her we were there 100 times. It just makes her angrier. Every morning it’s the same thing…She didn’t sleep, she went to the bathroom every half hour, she was cold. I just act sympathetic and remind her we keep the house at 80 already. Mom want to go to doctor after doctor to help her but there is nothing anyone can do, she’s 96!

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Reply to Care4Dot

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Is it wrong to hope someone dies?

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