Follow
Share

I have had a bedside commode in my husband's living area for years. He is now incontinent to the point he no longer uses it, has not used it for over a month. I wanted to move it out of his room but one of my paid caregivers said this is demoralizing. May I please have comments from others? Thank you.

Find Care & Housing
I worked for Visiting Nurses as a secretary. We had one nurse who would tell our clients what they needed to do. To the point there were complaints. Instead of talking to her our Dept Head had a office meeting and told our nurses to remember that they were in someones home. Their jobs were to go in and do what the doctor orders said. Visit for a little while because they be the only person that person sees all day. But you don't tell them how they should live their lives.

Just remember, these people are being paid to care for a client. They can suggest but thats it. You do what you want in your house.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

Give your limited pool of Caregivers this address:
Aging Care.com

Tell them it is a requirement of working with your husband that they
view this website.

Have them run their "advice" through here first.

Their job is to care for your husband, not "advise" you.
However, some advice is warranted for safety reasons.
This is not one of those times.

I personally have found that doubting myself causes me the most trouble,
when asking for everyone's advice. I think maybe I just need some support, not advice.

I would ask them: Why can't you transfer him to the commode regularly or to the bathroom in time, so as to limit the use of diapers, which is also demoralizing, imo.

So, if they want to keep it, they should be using it to assist your husband.

Do what is best for your husband, then you. Third parties are no fun.

I can understand how much more difficult caregiving can be when you feel you have to explain, or are put in a position to answer to others: other caregivers, family, neighbors, etc. Tell them to put it in writing, and you will run it by their agency's boss.

Welcome, and thanks for checking in.
Are you taking care of yourself properly today?
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Sendhelp
Report

Maybe it’s demoralizing to have to see a bedside commode one can no longer use. Maybe getting it out of sight is a kindness, to stop the constant visual reminder of another thing lost
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report
Foamergirl 20 hours ago
That is a beautiful way to look at it! Thank you!
(3)
Report
Ignore that aid's unsolicited input. When she's gone, remove the commode. If she says anything more about it tell her you consulted with some "experts" and they unanimously said there is no problem to removing it.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Geaton777
Report
Foamergirl 20 hours ago
Thank you!
(1)
Report
Why if he is not using it would you leave it out? What is demoralizing is now being in depends. If he can't use the commode any more, remove it. Its you home, not theirs. I had an aide tell me Mom needed a floor matt in her stall shower. The floor of the shower was rough so slide free. Put a matt down, it would not have stuck to the floor.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
Foamergirl 20 hours ago
Thank you for reminding me it's my home.
(3)
Report
What's so "demoralizing" about removing a commode from a living area that's no longer used???? Perhaps the caregiver should stick more to care giving and less to giving free advice.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report
Foamergirl 20 hours ago
Thank you!

All of his caregivers are CONSTANTLY giving me advice - go buy him a hamburger, feed him this, feed him that, get a ramp built, move my husband to another living area of the home, change his room this way, that way, put out bird seed and plants for him (he rarely goes outside - it would be one more thing for me to take care of that I just can't possibly manage at this stage), etc., etc. I have a limited pool of caregivers in my area so I try to bite my tongue - but it's tough some days.
(6)
Report
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter