He just up and decided to bring her to our house to take care of her (without my permission and without discussing anything with me). She can’t walk, she has to be bathed and changed, and her meals have to be prepared. Most rest homes have refused her because of her terrible bad behavior toward the staff. I have expressed to him about the way I feel. He has ignored my feelings. I will not be helping him take care of her, because of how she has treated me.
I would put up a for sale sign in the yard and see what he thinks of that unilateral decision.
I advise you to work closely with a geriatric care specialist and have an assessment of your home done by a physical therapist. Follow their recommendations for any home remodeling or adaptive equipment that your MIL will need.
Then, work with a medical social worker to pull together lists of resources for everything from personal care assistants to home heath aides to meal delivery services.
I would include services for anything your husband typically does around the house: lawn service, car maintenance, basic handyman.
Plus, in the eventuality that you are recruited into care (and you WILL be recruited), you need services for house cleaning, laundry drop off, and child care.
Also, add to the list respite care for when your husband needs a break and a couple vacations, individual counseling for you and couples therapy for the two of you to save your marriage.
Good luck!