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JessieBelle, that is so true. I'm in my late 40s. My parents do not live under the same roof as me but are within walking distance. They have been a burden for 5 years. But, I expect one or both will live for at least 20 or more years. So, what does that mean for my future? My marriage? My business? My social life? My finances? I don't mean to sound selfish but goodness! They have completely isolated themselves, no family, no friends, no community activities such as church. I am the ONLY outlet. Can I take this for 20 more years?
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You shouldn't have to, Upstream. One of the problems in thought I see at the present time is that people hunker down in a house. The community about them changes and all the neighbors get younger and younger. The older people are moving to retirement communities or dying. This leaves the hard-core "I am going to die in this house" people isolated in a house that becomes like their prison. Since they don't want to leave, it means that they have to hire people or a family caregiver has to eventually come in.

The answer to me seems so simple -- un-nail their feet from the floor and move to a community where people are the same age. If we change our thinking, we would just see this as another milestone of life. The way it is now is that a family caregiver often has to donate the years they would be going overseas or our RVing to staying home taking care of parents. If they don't do it, they are called selfish for not taking care of the parents. With lives going upward to 100 years now, we really do need to change our thinking on things. In the old days, elders tended to do okay until they were taken by something like heart attack or stroke. Now they can have that same event and live another 10-20 years. It is too much of a commitment from a caregiver to satisfy their parent's desire to not move. Really, if we consider the trade-off, it is most unfair. Why should someone donate 10-20 years of life so their parent doesn't have to move? (You know, I feel selfish saying this. I'm still caught up in the old logic that kids need to make their parents happy, whatever the cost.)
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I wish my parents would move to an environment where they could make some friends and get involved in activities, but they won't, because that's what old people do, and they hate old people. They are shut ins in their home. Maintaining the home is the only source of activity and goals. Outside of housework and yard work they do nothing. No friends, no hobbies, no activities. No computer, very little TV (they think TV is for people of a lower intelligence), very little reading (they used to be avid readers). They have boxed themselves in for year into a vicious cycle and now are looking to me as their only connection with the world. I run a business, work 6 days a week, have my own home to take care of, and I'm not getting any younger myself. On the verge of 50, and have been hoping there is something their for me in terms of enjoyment, before I am too old. I've not been away on vacation in 3 full years. I feel guilty but I'm just not willing to sacrifice my hard earned future...besides which, I know there is not one darned thing that will make them happy. Not one thing.
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