My mom is now 101 and lives with me full time. I had to stop working full time. She is going to a senior center 4 days a week, and I see a therapist and go to caregivers meetings and try to do “me” things. Would like to know why family and friends have disappeared from our lives, I feel alone, angry and very tired.
I think one reason caregivers become isolated is because the people we care for aren't typically social due to infirmity, dementia, or just age. In many cases it is a lot of trouble and upheaval to get our loved ones out of the house so if we don't have to we tend not to.
Another reason may be because caregiving takes everything out of us. We give everything we've got to our loved one that we don't have anything left over for ourselves much less others like friends and family.
These are reasons why caregivers may become isolated from others. As to why your family and friends have disappeared from your life with your mom I can't say. Have you tried to maintain regular contact with them? You don't mention your mom's health. Does she have dementia or another illness that may make visits from friends and family uncomfortable? Sometimes people forget about the elderly even if they are family.
I'm glad you are seeing a counselor and try to do things for yourself but is it enough?
Isn't it *odd*? Why *do* they stop asking, or calling, or even dropping in occasionally?
I don't have any answers. But I can tell you that I know which of my friends neighbours and family are 24 carat gold, because they are the ones who did not fall away, who turned up with cake, flowers or gin even though it must have been like visiting the Witch of Endor with a migraine, who were *there* even though there wasn't much anyone could do to help.
No allies at the caregivers' groups?
How long have you been caring full-time for your mother?
I know you shouldn't have to make the first move, but if there is anyone you especially miss and want to talk to - pick up the phone and say so!