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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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I am familiar with " Dependency Resentment", but this being said and exposed, I may suggest that an elder person sees the stupidity and laxicity around them and therefore may become somewhat snide in their comments. Can you imagine being in your eighties and having to tell a caregiver to wash his/her hands after handling bathroom equipment? Or perhaps having to remind a caregiver that dehydration may be causing forgetfullness? With age may come wisdom.
I'd like to pipe in on another point. Some of us have found that when our parents get mad at us, that regardless of dementia, we can insist on being treated with respect. Some caregivers have suffered from parental abuse and anger their entire lives, and now when the parent is totally dependent, the anger escalates, sometimes to physical violence.
If you read these posts long enough, you will find caregivers who thought they had to put up with this abuse because of the dementia and the perpetrator being a parent. When I helped try to corral two bipolar elderly friends...and that was some project!.. I learned from the sheriff the term "51/50." It's the code for the person being a danger to oneself or others. If they are still acting up when the police come to check, then can be taken in for observation for 2-3 days, perhaps stabilized with mood altering drugs. Perhaps the process of placing them in an appropriate facility will be started, or the county may sue for conservatorship of both person/estate. So if you find you are in a position where shoes are flying by your head and dinner plates frisbeed at your ribcage, you don't have to stand for it.
Oh, if the anger and odd behavior is a more recent behavior, the patient may have frontal temporal dementia, which affects the normal "moral" compass of the person. They'll become rage-aholics, start shoplifting, go dumpster diving. There are some videos on YouTube about it.
There is a good book titled "Elder Rage." And the author has a helpful website.
The brain changes in a declining manner as we all age. Your mom is trapped in a brain that does not do what she needs or wants it to do. Trust me she is mourning many losses in her life such as independence, physical abilities, failing memory, the loss of her things or home,and maybe the loss of a husband. Losses that turn into anger need counseling or maybe even a low dose antidepressant. The research supports these meds in patients with various forms of dementia. I personally have seen a marked improvement with my mom who has Alzheimer's disease.
There are several recent discussions on just this issue, with lots of responses. My one reason explanation is "dependency resentment," a term I learned from the Love and Logic parenting organization. Your parents are becoming imprisoned by their failing bodies, by children suddenly showing up and handling their affairs, by old patterns of behavior they've never resolved. They face imprisonment in a nursing home possibly, risk having their driver's license revoked. Their world is closing in on them. I'd be pissed too. It takes a big personality to realize one needs a lot of help, and then say "thank God you came to help me" when help is offered. There's going to be a lot of fear, anger and resentment thrown around before things are accepted as being necessary. Strange how we all know we might get old, and nobody prepares oneself to handle the cascade of losses. "Toy Story 3" deals with pertinent issues. Bring kleenex.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If you read these posts long enough, you will find caregivers who thought they had to put up with this abuse because of the dementia and the perpetrator being a parent. When I helped try to corral two bipolar elderly friends...and that was some project!.. I learned from the sheriff the term "51/50." It's the code for the person being a danger to oneself or others. If they are still acting up when the police come to check, then can be taken in for observation for 2-3 days, perhaps stabilized with mood altering drugs. Perhaps the process of placing them in an appropriate facility will be started, or the county may sue for conservatorship of both person/estate. So if you find you are in a position where shoes are flying by your head and dinner plates frisbeed at your ribcage, you don't have to stand for it.
Oh, if the anger and odd behavior is a more recent behavior, the patient may have frontal temporal dementia, which affects the normal "moral" compass of the person. They'll become rage-aholics, start shoplifting, go dumpster diving. There are some videos on YouTube about it.
There is a good book titled "Elder Rage." And the author has a helpful website.