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I am wondering actually if you could go about this another way. I know my brother would not have wanted any stranger "messing with him". He didn't live long enough for anyone to have to make that happen for/with him. But he never would have been comfortable with that.

Is there any chance that instead of getting help for HER you could get help for yourself?

How much better might it be for you to have a housesitter for a day, to clean a bit, cook a bit, watch Mom if she needs help, so that you can get out. Or just a housekeeper one day, meals ordered in, something like that to help YOU.

You are correct. This is only going to get worse. At some point there may be other options such as in facility care, but for now you could sure use a bit of help yourself I would think. I am wishing you the best of luck.
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She’s 90!

Speak to her doctor about ordering home help. My mother did home health a few times. It does make a difference.

Go ahead and get help for her. She will become acclimated to having someone else there to help and most likely appreciate it.
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If your MIL has original Medicare she could probably get Medicare provided home health for the homebound who need intermittent skilled nursing. Ask her primary doctor to have her evaluated for home health services. This would give her a nurse visit once a week where her vitals are checked, her meds put in her pill planner and a CNA who would come in once or twice a week to help her with her bath. Additionally she could be evaluated for physical and occupational therapies. If you know of a home health company you would like to use, ask them to help you get an
order from her primary. When my DH aunt first started using them they just assisted her with her bath. She was afraid of falling. The cna would change her bed linens while she bathed herself. She preferred a bath to a shower. The therapy helped her mobility issues. Mention that she is dizzy and that is usually sufficient to get her evaluated.
Having home health helped aunt for several years before she needed to add a daily aide to help her with her ADLs each morning. If your MIL doesn’t qualify at this time, you will have a better idea of when she will after their visit. The advantage plans may offer this service as well but I am not familiar with them. This is covered by Part B of original Medicare.
The CNAs are very good with gaining the trust of the elder to get a bath and shampoo. She was about the same age and stage as your MIL when she first got home health.
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RedVanAnnie Mar 2023
I did not know Medicare Part B coveted any kind of home care except after a hospital stay. Is there really some provision for "intermittent skilled nursing?". That would be helpful.
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