I am so over my MIL. She is such a burden that it makes me dislike her. She does absolutely nothing all day but complain and watch other grown adults though her blinds. She is known as the creepy old lady who is in everyone else's business but yet has no life of her own. I have tried countless times to try and help her get involved with outside activities and or engage with people her age but she will only pretend to be interested and she never follows through. What are some suggestions with helping her get a life?
I appreciate the advice.
Just scanned thru ur other posts. Now that you have posted several times it would be easier for the others if you update your profile with some info. Like her age. Dementia or not. That she lives next door and thinks you need to be at her beck and call.
It seems that MIL is an ongoing problem that your husband is very aware of and is sympathetic. That you personally have backed off. Both of you work and have children so your time is not your own. You mention placing her somewhere. Well if she is competent than you can't force her to go anywhere.
As long as your husband does not feel that you, he or his children need to be there for her 24/7 I see no problem. If he hasn't had a good sit down with her, maybe he should. Laying out what he is willing and not willing to do for her. I think the elderly forget what it was like to be responsible to an employer and what is involved with raising kids and with you running a business. She needs to realize that at least 10 hrs a day goes towards work. 8 hours sleeping, leaving maybe 6 hours to take kids to xtra curricular stuff, cook dinner, clean up and have maybe a couple of hours to just sit. Doesn't leave much time to entertain Mom. She needs to get a life of her own or be happy the way it is. You try to include her when u can by having her over for dinner. Maybe have a movie night. A day you take her on errands. Maybe she can use the Senior bus to get to shop and to appts. If she doesn't take advantage of the resources out there, thats on her.
I had a friend like this, no matter what was done for her, she wanted more. She was never happy. She expected too much out of others.
I had a neighbor like your MIL once. She was constantly made minding everyone’s business. I was single, young, in college and could be a smart a** when someone worked on my nerves.
So, if this woman butted into our business, mine or roommates, we would make up stories for her to gasp about. 😆 LOL, she kept herself entertained by telling her false gossip. We didn’t care and she was happy being a nuisance.
Should read, She was constantly minding everyone else’s business.
Your profile doesn't give us any information, so I don't know if you're living with her or not(I'm hoping you're not), but if you are, just let her be and get on with your own life. That's the only life that you're responsible for anyway.
And if you're not living with her, thank your lucky stars and let her live in the misery she has chosen for herself.
She is not your burden, so quit claiming her as such. Just get out and live your life in a way that makes you happy, and let her be.
Was she EVER a pleasant,cheerful, vigorous, optimistic woman?
Is this a CHANGE in her behavior within the last few months?
Is she physically well? Does she have periodic medical checkups?
Does she take care of her own personal needs- clean clothing, daily bathing, makeup?
Is there ANY activity that she pursues on a regular or semi-regular basis? Church? Grocery shopping?
Is she affectionate towards your husband or any members of her family?
Has she told you she is only “pretending to be interested” when you attempt to involve her?
By whom is she “known as the creepy old lady”? Does she know that others refer to her that way? Is that the way she refers to herself?
My mother was a severe agoraphobic for my whole life. I never fully acknowledged her illness until very recently. Although she knew that I loved her, I often wish NOW, several years after she’s been gone, that I’d examined her circumstances differently than I did when we were both younger.
I don't have any suggestions that will work. Your MIL is determined to not have a life, so there isn't anything you or anyone can do. So, my suggestion is to give up on that endeavor. She can not be helped.
Your MIL is one big black hole that sucks the life of everyone around her. It's best to keep away from her as much as possible. I understand from reading your other posts that your MIL lives next door to you. Let her son deal with her. Is he anxious and worried as you are about getting his mom engage in something?
So what to do with her sitting around feeling sorry for herself? Do Nothing. Your MIL prefers sitting around feeling sorry for herself. She prefers that over doing anything else. No need to try changing her.