My mother in law is in a nursing home close by her son an only child, she has gotten angry because she hasn’t been to our house since she has been here. My husband said at Christmas time she can come over. The problem is she is on a wheelchair because she falls easily and we live in a stilt home in the FL keys so you have to climb steps. The other problem is she just doesn’t know when to go to the bathroom and I’m sorry but I just don’t feel like cleaning a couch after this☹️ I feel so confused on what to do and my husband and I are fighting because of all of this. Does anyone else have this problem?
There are washable waterproof pads available in several colors that I would suggest using along with incontinence underwear; with just a little bit of luck, you will not need to clean your car seats or couch. Make sure she has on a clean panty when you leave NH, change as needed during the visit and change into a clean panty before heading back to the NH. Even if there's a minor leak, the pad will most likely contain it all.
Incontinence panties have tearable sides just like a children's training pull-up. I suggest your MIL wear a dress so changes will be easier. I place a throw over my mother's legs for warmth. If she can still stand with a walker or grab bars you can place a clean panty over her feet, then get her to stand while you tear the old panty on the sides and place into a plastic grocery bad, use baby wipes as needed to clean her, then just pull up the new panty, tie the handles on the bag and throw away. I use a couple of plastic chip clips to tack the dress up during changes. If she cannot stand you will probably need to use the bed and roll her from side to side to pull the new panty up. I would use a disposable pad to protect the bed during changes.
If no one in your family wants to cope with changing incontinence panties, you could consider engaging a CNA to assist with MIL's care that day/afternoon.
As for the potty problem, I am sure Mom would never want to cause undue work. Perhaps one of the moisture barrier mattress pads, with a blanket or coverlet over it, on the chair or sofa where she will be sitting at your home? I wouldn’t let potty accidents keep me from having mom visit. Enjoy Mom while you still have her.
You have received lots of good advice here. Both husband and wife need to be onboard with the logistics and the work division.
For the future, create a Christmas box, maybe a plastic tote with lid. Put in a small pop-up tree, a few ornaments she would enjoy seeing nice again. Clearance Christmas party plates, napkins, etc. the idea is to make it easy to take the holiday to her. If able, maybe a small, portable printer and picture frame, to take photo of her and her son, and print, to put on display in fram in the box, planned for the special holiday party. Your spouse will love you all the more for giving his mother a bit of special thought and preparation. Many supermarkets have cooked holiday meals, that you can just heat and serve. Since transportation and logistics take a good chunk of time away from the hostess’ time, make it as easy as possible. Might the nursing home have a microwave you could use, or invest in a few small crockpots for keeping holiday foods hot for the trip to her. The visit is the point, not gifts, not the menu.
Walk or wheel mom to the bathroom every hour or two as a just in case. Minimizing accidents.
How do you and your husband get up to the living area of the house? Ask your husband what he suggests to get her up to the apartment.
so please let us all know....
how did it go? What did you do and not do and how are things with you and DH because you know, we are all dying to know by now!!
Much love and Merry Christmas to you!
Sounds like it would be best to be prudent for her safety and your sanity.