Each time I think everything is going to be ok, dad does something else. Long story short, he is doing so well in his new facility. He now wants to sell his house ( he is currently renting it out). I would support this idea but I know him and he has a plan. I told him he needed to keep his home because he keeps talking about wanting come home for a visit. Well he then says he can stay with me. I told him that would not work because his home has been fixed for him ( pull bars in the bathroom and etc.) So he became angry with me and said that it is bad that I do not want him in my home. But I know him and I think he is trying to leave the facility. He keeps saying he is in his right mind and can do what he wants.
Like I would say , weather isn't looking good for your appointment tomorrow, you may have to cancel it. She would say, oh you have the Subaru now.
So one day she had to get X-rays, it was snowing. Her and my whole family made me feel like the worst human alive. Even though they new my policy, I almost did, my husband said NO.
After I totally laid into my whole family. Not in a pretty way either. Lol
Now they know under no circumstances will I drive , if and when I'm not comfortable.
I really dislike miracle ear doctor, I think they are scammer. They where looking at me to by moms hearing aids. Telling me how much better it would be if she got new hearing aids. She wasn't telling me anything I didn't know, but I wasn't going to buy them , and take Mom shopping day after day for her to buy more hoarding stuff.
So I told her I'm not taking her there, she needs to find another ride. But every time she had an appointment she would try to guilt me. Then she started to tell me that my brother is going to bring her, but just incase can you stay available.
She stopped finally, after the snow storm and other times. They know they can't push me around anymore.
Sorry if this was long but I just wanted to explain to you, how I thought laying down boundaries was really not laying them down. They saw me as a push over, that they could find a way to manipulate
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And often siblings and other family or friends think we have to do things the way the parent wants .
It can take a long time and persistence to make them realize that caregiving is done on the caregivers terms .
Some never understand , especially those not involved in the caregiving .
Then he has nowhere else to go but to stay where he is , but don’t tell him that ,
After the house is sold , if he starts in about living with you , that’s a “No Dad , that’s not possible “. If Dad manages to have someone bring him to your house , you call police to bring him back to AL .
I'm answering one of your earlier questions. I handle his bills. I started doing that before he went to the facility because he started forgetting to pay things.
Do you realize what your life will be like if you bring him to your home, aging people don't get better, aging people slowly get worse and worse. No one dies healthy.
And if he goes to his home, he is slowly going to need more and more from you and others, first you will be needing to get him things, then you will need to clean, it will slowly invade your life until one day you wake up and realize you have no life.
I completely agree with waytomisery!!
I'm sorry you are going through this faithfulbeauty.
He can not force you to take him into your home either . Just say “ that’s not possible “. Don’t give explanations . He sounds like he has dementia . He is not realizing his physical disabilities . And keeps saying he’s “ in his right mind “. If I had a dollar for everytime my FIL with dementia said that phrase when he wasn’t getting his way……
Do you have POA ? So you can sell his home ? I would not take your father out of the facility at all . Not to visit his home one last time , or to get any items . He would refuse to leave his house .
NEVER NEVER NEVER take him in your car anywhere . He is desperately trying to find a reason to get out of the facility .
Does he have a dementia diagnosis ? If yes and you have POA invoked just sell the house . Don’t tell him it’s sold until after the fact . Then tell him he wanted it sold .
I don’t understand why you dangled the carrot about visiting the house , because he should not visit .
My mother with dementia went to great lengths to try to go back to her house .,Once it was sold of course she got angry , But once she had no home to go to , she stopped obsessing about going home , and accepted she had to stay in AL .
I didn't dangle the carrot about him visiting home. He has been talking about it for at least a month. I only told him he needed to keep his home when he kept talking about wanting visit home. Does that make sense? The only reason I do not want him to sell is because then he will think he can live with me. I know him. He will even go as far as having someone else pick him up and bring him to my house without telling me. Lately he keeps asking what time I get home form work every day so I know he is plotting. He can't get in my car or any car without assistance and then it is still almost impossible. He does have mild dementia but he is also clever. I do have POA but he says that does not matter because he is in his right mind. As far as him realizing his limitations, he just told me a couple of weeks ago that the physical therapists talked to him and told him that he was not going to be able to do things on his own. He knows it but just tries to force people to do what he wants at any cost.