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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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One thing for sure is, you can not be a 24/7 , 365 caregiver. You need a break to care for yourself ! Now can you do 24/7,365, yes you can, I have for 20 years. I thought caring for my mom was what I was responsible for. She cared for me, I should care for her. And for many years that worked. Did I care for myself, somewhat. But there has come a time in my life where a week here and a day there, simply Isn’t enough. Thought I was capable and strong but in reality I was empty. Nothing left to give. Asking and receiving help is not a sign of weakness, a sign of wisdom. So my mom (102) is headed to my sisters, we are going to alternate every 3 months. Life is going to get better.
I'm well on my way to 20 years. I passed the 10 year hump a couple of years ago. It was harder when I was caring for 3 people. But now that it's only two, I actually have time to take a nap in the afternoon.
I learned that mom had the best care with me but it was too much for one person. I learned from others that now I had an elderly toddler with a will and no ability to care for herself well. I learned that when she wanted to look at the AL facilities for a respite for me, it was a blessing she loved it so much she wanted to stay. I learned that AL wasn’t too bad but I had cameras and they were not as good as they claimed. I learned that mom needed one/one cuing and a person to be with her that she could depend on and trust. Not a sitter. I learned that MC is a lonely place and no companionship because of the range of cognitive decline. Mom’s caregiver provides for her companionship, does her laundry (they fold together), walks, talks, reads, lotions, massages her skin, anticipates her needs, gives her food she will eat, feeds her if needed, is a friend! I learned that CAMERAS are needed no matter what the management says. Staff presence are slim and they are with the ones who are the most in need. Training is not reliable, turnover is high and the camera allows me to see mom’s routines, know when she is in distress or coming down with a UTI or just dehydrated. Her caregiver found she loves Arnold Palmers. She will suck those down and say it is good. I learned that I keep a check on the medications and routinely stop by to see what mom is getting. I had a mishap where the Doc changed her heart med. Now I have a cardiologist for her. I learned that every battle is not worth it. And if I find out the facility doesn’t respond, I pray (I am always praying for wisdom and direction), I know that a change will occur. Moving mom to a better facility is the only way to ensure her good care. Places do not change easily and the vulnerable population are the ones affected. I learned that my husband and I have decided for a care place that doesn’t include cameras will not ever be used. I was with my mom full days and she didn’t get well checks or food. The nurse gave her meds but the other duties were not her job. I had food for mom in her room-they allowed a frig. That place did not have a camera and was touted as the BEST by other organizations. The administrator never did a thing to address my and others issues of care. She was defensive and in full avoidance. I learned do not believe people, but to pray, trust and look for God’s leading. I reaffirmed that I am glad to have peace in spite of circumstances.
Most care places for elders are what you just described. People live a full life and their reward is to lay neglected and forgotten in urine-soaked sheets for the remainder of their days. I've seen too much of this to think otherwise. When the hospital refers your loved one to a rehab or nursing facility, use a lot of caution and look for any alternative.
I’ve learned that you cannot argue or fight with Alzheimer’s. It’s a losing battle. Just put on a smile, try to find some sense of humor in the situation and go forward.
1. You cannot reason with the unreasonable… 2. Also that whatever tricks some facilities may pull, that I have at least 5 more up my sleeve to keep my loved one or patient safe, calm and feeling loved. I will always find a way around it in the fight for better care. Best yet, the ppl I am going up against never had a clue.
That I can be a bad a$$ b*tch of an advocate when needed, and while I knew I was always a strong person, I don't think I realized just how strong until I was tested while caring for my late husband. And I also learned that this too shall pass, and that there is life after caregiving.
Oh, when I first came to Forum about 5 years ago it was Ahmijoy who taught me that phrase. Just say "Oh, I couldn't possibly do that". I LOVE that one.
To keep a sense of humor! Keep things in perspective. If my mom has had a fit and is angry at me, that means I can relax, everything’s normal. I also just remove myself from the situation cause rewarding her bad behavior by giving her attention only hurts me.
Just funning with you, Starfish. and I wish you a happy welcome to the Forum. This question has been around for us a lot. "What have you learned from your caregiving experience? Will you make changes in your life to fulfill your desires/needs as you grow older? - AgingCare.com" appeared in 2021, and has quite a few answers. I think you can access it still by going up the the timeline, slicking on the magnifying glass and typing in "What have you Learned from Caregiving". You will find lots of nifty answers. Most universal questions like this end up in the Discussions section nearer the bottom of the page.
Me? I think that I learned to always expect the unexpected. I am a bit of a control freak. In early times I think I believed I could make a plan, could get ducks lined up in a row. But I learned that chaos will always trip in to ruin plans.
AlvaDeer, how did you learn to be comfortable with such chaos? Did you become inured to it just because of the repetitive jolts, like a dog wearing a shock-collar? A tidy home, tidy schedule, tidy finances - these are the things that have allowed me to relax and enjoy my tidy life -until recently when the excrement began hitting the fan. And it’s only getting worse. As a control freak yourself, how did you learn to roll with it all? I’m sorry if this is a dumb question or the wrong place to ask it - I’ve never participated in any form of social media….it wasn’t ‘tidy’ enough for me! Alas, here I am, bracing for the next shock.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I learned from others that now I had an elderly toddler with a will and no ability to care for herself well.
I learned that when she wanted to look at the AL facilities for a respite for me, it was a blessing she loved it so much she wanted to stay.
I learned that AL wasn’t too bad but I had cameras and they were not as good as they claimed.
I learned that mom needed one/one cuing and a person to be with her that she could depend on and trust. Not a sitter.
I learned that MC is a lonely place and no companionship because of the range of cognitive decline. Mom’s caregiver provides for her companionship, does her laundry (they fold together), walks, talks, reads, lotions, massages her skin, anticipates her needs, gives her food she will eat, feeds her if needed, is a friend!
I learned that CAMERAS are needed no matter what the management says. Staff presence are slim and they are with the ones who are the most in need. Training is not reliable, turnover is high and the camera allows me to see mom’s routines, know when she is in distress or coming down with a UTI or just dehydrated. Her caregiver found she loves Arnold Palmers. She will suck those down and say it is good.
I learned that I keep a check on the medications and routinely stop by to see what mom is getting. I had a mishap where the Doc changed her heart med. Now I have a cardiologist for her.
I learned that every battle is not worth it. And if I find out the facility doesn’t respond, I pray (I am always praying for wisdom and direction), I know that a change will occur. Moving mom to a better facility is the only way to ensure her good care. Places do not change easily and the vulnerable population are the ones affected.
I learned that my husband and I have decided for a care place that doesn’t include cameras will not ever be used. I was with my mom full days and she didn’t get well checks or food. The nurse gave her meds but the other duties were not her job. I had food for mom in her room-they allowed a frig. That place did not have a camera and was touted as the BEST by other organizations. The administrator never did a thing to address my and others issues of care. She was defensive and in full avoidance.
I learned do not believe people, but to pray, trust and look for God’s leading.
I reaffirmed that I am glad to have peace in spite of circumstances.
When the hospital refers your loved one to a rehab or nursing facility, use a lot of caution and look for any alternative.
2. Also that whatever tricks some facilities may pull, that I have at least 5 more up my sleeve to keep my loved one or patient safe, calm and feeling loved. I will always find a way around it in the fight for better care. Best yet, the ppl I am going up against never had a clue.
And I also learned that this too shall pass, and that there is life after caregiving.
Just funning with you, Starfish. and I wish you a happy welcome to the Forum.
This question has been around for us a lot.
"What have you learned from your caregiving experience? Will you make changes in your life to fulfill your desires/needs as you grow older? - AgingCare.com" appeared in 2021, and has quite a few answers. I think you can access it still by going up the the timeline, slicking on the magnifying glass and typing in "What have you Learned from Caregiving". You will find lots of nifty answers. Most universal questions like this end up in the Discussions section nearer the bottom of the page.
Me? I think that I learned to always expect the unexpected. I am a bit of a control freak. In early times I think I believed I could make a plan, could get ducks lined up in a row. But I learned that chaos will always trip in to ruin plans.
A tidy home, tidy schedule, tidy finances - these are the things that have allowed me to relax and enjoy my tidy life -until recently when the excrement began hitting the fan. And it’s only getting worse.
As a control freak yourself, how did you learn to roll with it all?
I’m sorry if this is a dumb question or the wrong place to ask it - I’ve never participated in any form of social media….it wasn’t ‘tidy’ enough for me!
Alas, here I am, bracing for the next shock.