My mom was admitted to the hospital for the geriatric psych for being combative & yelling, she’s also being treated for a UTI & infection in her legs from stasis dermatitis. The nursing home doc said their goal was to take her back if she could be stabilized & calmed down. However my mom is refusing meds in the hospital and screaming and being combative with the nurses and even ripped out her IV. She’s delusional and thinks she has a baby (that’s new). So they are trying to give her Ativan and anti psychosis meds but if she’s refusing how they can’t get them in her! I’m scared because if they can’t calm her the nursing home can’t take her back! What happens next? I am all she has and I don’t live in the same country! I’ve already taken a lot of time off work, and of course it’s causing some issues between my husband and I. I’m trying to do everything that needs to be done financially (Medicaid app) and be a advocate for her healthcare but I’m literally getting sick over worrying. Is there a place for combative dementia patients? Ones that also take Medicaid?
Your poor mom! Just imagine how panicked one would be if you thought they were keeping you from your baby! Have you talked to mom on the phone?
She did great there for 2.5 years and passed.
Mom did well there until she passed four months later. Yes she was medicated. But you need to remember that the impossible behaviors are even worse for your mom.
After the first month in the facility, the nursing staff was not able to calm her down - talk her down - and they would call me as they did not know what to do when she stood by the elevator door letting them know I was downstairs waiting for her to take her home. (I was not there, and she was in a secured floor at that time.)
They suggested I talk to her immediately by phone to see if I could help, as they had no clue. And although by the time I was called, Mom had already been in that anxious state for an hour or 2, we all found out that by reconnecting to me or my husband - voices which she knew cared and loved her - she accepted the new reality that she was now in a nursing home. She would then calm down and ask me, "Then, should I go back to my room?' and, although it broke my heart, I would say, 'Yes, mom. That is right. Return to your room and I can call you there to say hello.'
l learned early on that Mom continued to need our voice when she 'lost it.' Seemingly, we calmed her fears most of the time as she trusted us.
After this first event at the facility, the nurses gladly called me immediately so that Mom did not have to suffer hours of anxiety. They then knew what worked for her, and I gave them permission not to wait so long to call me or my husband when it happened next time. Little by little, mom adjusted to her new reality. Now she just asks me, 'when can I come home?' without the emotional outbursts. (Thought it still breaks my heart to answer her.)
I realized then that between the nursing staff, CNAs, social worker and us, we made up Mom's support team. And, we all welcomed each other's help without having to give her calming meds....as I knew she did not want them.
This way of resolving that issue may not work for all, and certainly it takes time and patience. But if you have that, and have an open nursing staff who will work with you for the best of the resident, then you are lucky and so is your loved one.
So, acknowledge that you are doing all that is possible, and return to your own life and peace within.....and that, takes real effort for many of us as it is where our own growth hides.
I will try to relax but life just never seems to let me do that
Sunny, she is in the states, she’s in New Jersey. I just hope I get some help placing her if need be, I’ve heard horrible stories of social workers who basically just handle people a list to call and say good luck! She’s only been in geriatric psych 3 or 4 days.
(((hugs)))
((hugs))
I'm not offering this idea as a solution to your mother's mental illness or dementia, or what her next housing will be. Just that it could possibly calm her down sometimes. Ask the staff there whether you might try this approach.
We had one bad episode with Dad, swinging at staff while trying to find his car. He went to physc ward for a night, got on meds and calmed down.
The only thing that keeps me sane is knowing they are supervised and cared for. Sometimes that’s just all we can do. I still freak when I see the AL number pop up on my phone, a fall, dads on the loose, but nothing I could really do even if I was on site.
I hate to hear that you’re going through this. Hopefully they will find the right med combo for mom soon.
(((Hugs)))
My Mom was in a Geriatric Psych Unit for 10 days. It was certainly scary for me at first. I know you are scared and worried. Try to relax. Do something you enjoy.
If the Unit can find anything your Mom likes, applesauce, ice cream, sherbert, etc, they will get the meds in her. Be patient. They will find the right combo and get her stabilized. It may take some time.
She is where she needs to be.
Has the NH led you to believe they won’t take her back?
CaregiverL, I couldn’t care for her on my best day! I give you credit. I’m trying for Medicaid with a lawyer and hope there is no penalty otherwise she’s screwed! So just another stresser on me besides where she will go if she doesn’t calm down! My emotions are all over the place.
Windy, I’m glad you’re back visiting. I was visiting mom but she’s so angry or so doped ya it was the most unproductive visit ever. For the first time I really missed my mom even though she’s right in front of me.
My mom was always a strong person and to see her down to this is hard. I’ve had my moments with her and she’s been difficult and we haven’t always had the best relationship but she’s still my mom.
The urinary tract infection and infection in her leg will make mom feel like she is completely out of control. It may be necessary to sedate her until she has enough antibiotic treatment and hydration to resolve the infection. That is the only way intravenous treatment can be done without her pulling the lines out. As the infections resolves they will be able to ween her off of the sedating medications. There most be some things that she likes that can distract her. Is she catholic? If she has used a rosary this can calming. Does she like animals. Looking at pictures of animals, or petting a stuffed animal can be comforting. Music, aromas, going through a box of familiar things can be helpful. Talk to the discharge planner who is in charge of your mom's case and discuss options with her. Ativan can be helpful, however, in some sensitive cases, there is a rebound effect creating a cycle of anxiety.
You are doing everything that you can. The discharge planner which might be a social worker should help you with all your concerns.
You are good daughter.