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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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She doesn't use soap when bathing, or shampoo it appears. This is grossing us out, especially given this Coronavirus. I feel she will be offended if I say something.
I think Barb's idea to show Mom the "official" CDC guidelines about hand washing is an excellent idea for everyone to try. "This is a new, very bad virus and all of us MUST wash our hands so we won't get sick. Let's go to the sink and do it together."
Elderly ladies usually have dry skin, so maybe this would work sometimes:
"Mom I want you to try some of my new hand cream. It has a wonderful scent. Let's get your hands washed and dried and I'll rub some on for you."
If Mom is seated and won't get up, bring her a couple damp washcloths, one with some soft soap. If she'll let you, wash and "rinse" her hands this way, with a towel on her lap (and no running water.)
My good-natured parents were wonderfully compliant with such requests. I think it helped that my sister and I spoke to them in a confident, upbeat manner and made chit-chat while tending to hygiene matters.
Mine is still living independently and in the 30+ years I have never witnessed him washing his hands. He has recovered from MRSA and sepsis and as previously mentioned back to his daily routine of ... 4 squares of tp to wipe hiney and no washing hands, no showers AT ALL, no dry shampooing products, maybe does a load of laundry a month. And since he lives alone, I certainly take precautions for myself but he’s been doing this for years and it’s best we keep his daily routine as consecutive as possible in these very early stages. When he cannot make the call on these things, you can bet he’ll be one squeaky clean senior when I have say. Safe to say when I sanitized his home before he got back from recovering I LOADED that house with hand soaps and sanitizer, body soaps, Clorox wipes, Lysol, bleach etc. Yes every single product still sitting where I left it unused since September of last year except what I’ve cleaned. So a stockpile of cleaning supplies for my place I suppose lol... he said “take it all I haven’t used it “ but I’ll use it when I’m over. If/when I have control, it’ll be a whole new ballgame for him. Prior to stocking home for sanitizing, he had half a jug of laundry detergent and one cracked bar of soap by kitchen sink if that tells ya anything. I think now is a good time to get her practicing, with the pandemic certainly you’ve received a “notice from her doctor these are IMPERATIVE PRACTICES given her age and risk” right? 😉 hint hint, and yes I’d do it with her like suggested.
Some good answers here. When I remind my grandfather, he snaps, "I'll do it in a minute!" Or, "I already did!" (He didn't).
Short of threatening him with a wooden spoon, I don't think there's anything I can do to make him. I just wipe everything down with disinfectant when I visit.
Same here! Her famous line "Yes, I did!" She only bathes..goes for days without one. I am getting sick emotionally and physically. throwing up from disgust and exhaustion has become a regular thing for me =(
I'm in the same boat. My mother is an adult child. You have to remind her to wash her hands, did you brush your teeth?...Time for a shower.... Wipes her nose in her shirt--if she uses a tissue for her nose she tucks it in her pajama pants. I tell her throw the tissue away after you use it she throws a tantrum. This is hell. #Coronavirus Pray for me
My mom's UTIs while in Independent Living appeared to be on some way correlated to poor hygiene. And yes, I think that with Covid-19's lack of herd immunity, a compromised elder might pick up the virus and become very ill as a result.
If mother's poor practices were really that lethal the family would already be dead.
I am not disputing the need for good hygiene. I'm not even disputing how queasy it makes you feel to know that someone sitting at the same dining table as you is not a big fan of hand washing. But mother's not washing in the ordinary way is not going to kill anyone, not even now.
But it's not nice and it's not good for her, and there are other potential problems that are quite good enough reasons to do something about it.
With my mother, I began to follow her into the bathroom and in a casual, matter-of-course way fill the handbasin and just wash hands with her, if you see what I mean. Like you would if you had four hands. I kept the conversation going (about other things) and it never seemed to occur to her to question me, let alone protest.
Lots of people don't use soap or shampoo. It isn't necessarily a problem. What is a worry is if she always *used* to use these products but now doesn't - is that so, and can you guess why?
Do you really think that people not watching their hands is not able to kill anyone? Between viruses, bacterias and e-coli, I have to respectfully disagree with you.
Generally speaking it's just disgusting. But it COULD be life threatening. And who's willing to knowingly risk that?
Reminds me, I need to get on my mom about more handwashing. I know she thinks I'm ridiculous about handwashing, even before corona. My hubby goes out into the work world every day (he's in transportation so working from home is not an option) and we can only guess at what he's bringing into the house every day.
Well, I can lecture my mother about any and all subjects under the sun and it all goes in one ear and out the other. In fact, the more I tell her to ask for help or to stop trying to do things alone *she lives in Memory Care*, the less she asks for help & the more she does alone. She fell TWICE on Monday as a result, and a total of 44x in the past 5 years. Yes, I've kept count. Living in Memory Care, she has no other choice with certain things, such as using soap & shampoo in the shower, b/c the caregiver lathers her up and washes her hair for her. You will have to do the same for your mother if she's refusing the practice good hygiene. You'll have to help her with showers, with wiping herself, and with washing up after a bathroom visit. If she's offended, so be it. If she contaminates the family's food with fecal matter, you'll ALL be sick and offended, so that's the truth of the matter right there.
If she can't or won't take help with her hygiene, you'll have to start looking into Memory Care placement for her. In the end, her future is up to HER. I don't know what stage of dementia she's at right now, but assuming she's still able to understand basics, then make yourself clear on the subject, and that you'll be helping her to 'remember' the rules of hygiene from now on.
You state in your profile that mom has dementia. If this is the case it sounds like mom should no longer be going to the bathroom by herself and it sounds like she needs to have someone with her in the shower. (not IN the shower but supervising then determine if she needs to be bathed by you or someone else) There are a lot of steps to daily hygiene and it is easy to get confused if you have dementia. Example for showering. Remove clothes, Turn on water, adjust temperature. Get into shower (without slipping or falling). Get wet, get wash cloth, get soap, soap washcloth, put soap down, clean body with cloth. Wet hair, get shampoo and remember it is a different soap than the one you use for your body, lather hair, rinse and then use conditioner and rinse again. Turn off water, get out of shower, get towel, dry off, hang up towel, get dressed. (that is a whole 'nuther set of steps to remember.) And I was just doing this sitting here and I bet I forgot a few steps or simplified them. Not even going to go through the steps for toileting and washing hands. Mom NEEDS to be supervised in the bathroom Do not worry about offending her you are helping her. She will continue to need more and more help as she declines and you can not be worried about offending her.
What I said to one gentleman, without engaging my brain before opening my mouth and I was instantly ashamed of myself, was "well, would you want me to touch you if my hands looked like yours?" I'd suggested he might like to wash his hands and he'd answered "why, what's wrong with them?"
It worked, though. Not just that time but the next several too, he was there at the sink scrubbing up to his elbows with soap and a nail brush.
I still shouldn't have said that, all the same. Mean. I'll have to think of another way to put it.
She has dementia, right? She probably does not understand or remember or care anymore. She probably can't do any of those things. You will have to wash them for her or come to her with a washcloth with soap on it and rub her hands down?
I'm sorry you are dealing with it. So gross. I just found out my mom added a new handwashing ritual into her life. She's started washing her hands before she unloads the clean dishwasher. I was like, WHAT?? You haven't been doing this ALL THE TIME???!!! Sooooo gross.
So you can all get sick from fecal matter spread throughout your home or she can be offended? Hmmmmm?
Sorry, I am completely offended when people do NOT practice good hygiene and I find it incredibly selfish that they are willing to subject others to illness or worse because they are to ???? to wash their hands after using the toilet.
Let her be offended and tell her that she starts having respect for others in the home by washing up or she can go to a facility where she can be as filthy as she wants. Those are the choices. Yuck!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
"Mom I want you to try some of my new hand cream. It has a wonderful scent. Let's get your hands washed and dried and I'll rub some on for you."
If Mom is seated and won't get up, bring her a couple damp washcloths, one with some soft soap. If she'll let you, wash and "rinse" her hands this way, with a towel on her lap (and no running water.)
My good-natured parents were wonderfully compliant with such requests. I think it helped that my sister and I spoke to them in a confident, upbeat manner and made chit-chat while tending to hygiene matters.
Safe to say when I sanitized his home before he got back from recovering I LOADED that house with hand soaps and sanitizer, body soaps, Clorox wipes, Lysol, bleach etc. Yes every single product still sitting where I left it unused since September of last year except what I’ve cleaned. So a stockpile of cleaning supplies for my place I suppose lol... he said “take it all I haven’t used it “ but I’ll use it when I’m over. If/when I have control, it’ll be a whole new ballgame for him. Prior to stocking home for sanitizing, he had half a jug of laundry detergent and one cracked bar of soap by kitchen sink if that tells ya anything.
I think now is a good time to get her practicing, with the pandemic certainly you’ve received a “notice from her doctor these are IMPERATIVE PRACTICES given her age and risk” right? 😉 hint hint, and yes I’d do it with her like suggested.
When I remind my grandfather, he snaps, "I'll do it in a minute!" Or, "I already did!" (He didn't).
Short of threatening him with a wooden spoon, I don't think there's anything I can do to make him. I just wipe everything down with disinfectant when I visit.
I am not disputing the need for good hygiene. I'm not even disputing how queasy it makes you feel to know that someone sitting at the same dining table as you is not a big fan of hand washing. But mother's not washing in the ordinary way is not going to kill anyone, not even now.
But it's not nice and it's not good for her, and there are other potential problems that are quite good enough reasons to do something about it.
With my mother, I began to follow her into the bathroom and in a casual, matter-of-course way fill the handbasin and just wash hands with her, if you see what I mean. Like you would if you had four hands. I kept the conversation going (about other things) and it never seemed to occur to her to question me, let alone protest.
Lots of people don't use soap or shampoo. It isn't necessarily a problem. What is a worry is if she always *used* to use these products but now doesn't - is that so, and can you guess why?
Generally speaking it's just disgusting. But it COULD be life threatening. And who's willing to knowingly risk that?
Reminds me, I need to get on my mom about more handwashing. I know she thinks I'm ridiculous about handwashing, even before corona. My hubby goes out into the work world every day (he's in transportation so working from home is not an option) and we can only guess at what he's bringing into the house every day.
If she can't or won't take help with her hygiene, you'll have to start looking into Memory Care placement for her. In the end, her future is up to HER. I don't know what stage of dementia she's at right now, but assuming she's still able to understand basics, then make yourself clear on the subject, and that you'll be helping her to 'remember' the rules of hygiene from now on.
If this is the case it sounds like mom should no longer be going to the bathroom by herself and it sounds like she needs to have someone with her in the shower.
(not IN the shower but supervising then determine if she needs to be bathed by you or someone else)
There are a lot of steps to daily hygiene and it is easy to get confused if you have dementia.
Example for showering.
Remove clothes, Turn on water, adjust temperature. Get into shower (without slipping or falling). Get wet, get wash cloth, get soap, soap washcloth, put soap down, clean body with cloth. Wet hair, get shampoo and remember it is a different soap than the one you use for your body, lather hair, rinse and then use conditioner and rinse again. Turn off water, get out of shower, get towel, dry off, hang up towel, get dressed. (that is a whole 'nuther set of steps to remember.) And I was just doing this sitting here and I bet I forgot a few steps or simplified them.
Not even going to go through the steps for toileting and washing hands.
Mom NEEDS to be supervised in the bathroom
Do not worry about offending her you are helping her. She will continue to need more and more help as she declines and you can not be worried about offending her.
It worked, though. Not just that time but the next several too, he was there at the sink scrubbing up to his elbows with soap and a nail brush.
I still shouldn't have said that, all the same. Mean. I'll have to think of another way to put it.
I'm sorry you are dealing with it. So gross. I just found out my mom added a new handwashing ritual into her life. She's started washing her hands before she unloads the clean dishwasher. I was like, WHAT?? You haven't been doing this ALL THE TIME???!!! Sooooo gross.
Sorry, I am completely offended when people do NOT practice good hygiene and I find it incredibly selfish that they are willing to subject others to illness or worse because they are to ???? to wash their hands after using the toilet.
Let her be offended and tell her that she starts having respect for others in the home by washing up or she can go to a facility where she can be as filthy as she wants. Those are the choices. Yuck!
Show her the CDC guidelines. Wipe down everything she touches with antibacterial wipes if she lives with you.
My mother did not listen to me about handwashing. I called her doctor and he lectured about its importance at the next visit.