I was single, an only daughter, employed as a nurse. But would have had to give up my job, my only source of income, and hire much extra help. My father had money but needed more care than I could give by myself. He was unhappy in the nursing home (a very good one, by the way). I didn't blame him. He was alert, well oriented, but very hard of hearing and nearly blind. He could not walk, eat or even toilet unassisted. Has anyone faced something similar? I felt angry at my brother for suggesting this to my father without consulting me and guilty for not willingly taking on the full responsibility for the father I loved.
Am dealing with this firsthand with 2 siblings 15 minutes away from parents and I am 3 hours. Let’s just say they’re choosing to not help. Both have the time and ability.
Good luck but like I said if you didn’t discuss prior it’s going to be rough road filled with resentment and disappointment. Try and put your parents best interest and needs in front of your sibling issues for your own sake. Because you’ll feel better knowing you tried.
As far as your father is concerned it is time for him to grow up. He cannot live on his own then he has to be in a nursing home or hire someone to help him. If you are giving up a paying position which you need to support yourself and your family he needs to compensate you for your time.
Your sibling is wrong.
Just lay down some common sense, and that should take care of the problem. Just because you have a nursing degree doesn't mean you're Wonder Woman.
I couldn’t do it (and I’m retired). It was way to much. At that time she was
mobile but not very good. EVERY time she used the restroom I had to clean it and her hands and her clothes. There was feces EVERYWHERE. Don’t know how it got to the places it was. She asked about her pills constantly and although I understood she didn’t remember I already gave them to her she would have a fit if I didn’t give them to her. She fell several times and once I had to call fire department to help pick her up because my husband was not home.
There was massive amounts of laundry and she was picky about food. She also didn’t remember she had been fed. Every time I left the room she had a fit. She was very argumentative about everything.
Finally took her home and hired 24/7 help but it was very expensive. $25 per hour. We opted for 3 eight hour shifts so the caregivers would not get burned out.
Since we have finally placed her in a care facility. $3,500 per month instead of $18,000.
I would see who has Medical POA. Asked doctors for letters of incapacity then decided about placement in a home again.
As far as your brother I think some men (not all) still think that the caregivers roll belongs to women. Maybe that is why he volunteered you. You would really have to ask him. But I hope you are able to find help for your situation. Good luck: