I'm the 63 year old son of my 98 year old Mom that I have taken care of for over 4 and a half years 24/7. As of the last month, she is now in a long term care facility. Whenever I go to see her, she just wants to know when she's leaving (Blind, Deaf, Dementia and High Anxiety ). The staff say she does better when I'm not there. It's not that she's passed away, but like "once removed " and I don't know what do I do now. Get on with my life? Turn my back for her, and me to accepting she is there now? I hope someone understands...
When she wants to know when she's leaving, just say the dr. will let you know. It's very hard cause many cry when we arrive and when we leave. But they're usually ok once we leave, according to workers I've talked with, and their happy voices I hear on the phone later. It's a sad time for everyone, and my heart goes out to you both.
Try not to be hard on yourself whether you see her as often; maybe once a week or every other week; you decide, not workers. You're both now going through big changes in living arrangements and will miss each other's companionship. Enjoy every moment you do visit, and know you've done your very best, made the right decisions, and made life great for your sweet Mom. But for you, she may have had no one to care for her.
Take care.
You can always go visit mom without her knowledge.......in other words, go check on her from afar to see how she's doing. Check in with the nurse, etc., and make sure all is well. When you do go to visit, take her a treat or a small gift and let her know you love her. That's all you can do. Let mom know it's doctor's orders that she's cared for in this new and safe environment. Like DollyMe said, when he writes a letter releasing her is when she can leave.
We care givers all understand how difficult these decisions can be. But at this stage of the game, you need to keep HER safety and care in mind, as that is the most important thing. Do NOT let ANYONE guilt you into thinking you've somehow made a 'bad decision' here. You haven't.
Yes, it is time to move on with your life, visit her, if she starts.... leave... telling her that when you receive a letter from her doctor(s) stating that she can return home you will take it under consideration...the doctor(s) will never write such a letter.
We care takers understand, my step father and his wife said they want to move to another AL because they don't like the food...they didn't like the food at the previous one either...Ah, no you are staying where you are until you go to the happy hunting ground.