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You are her support system even when you are not in her presence. It is not a case of "turning your back on her". Let her transition into the next level of care she needs and give yourself permission to transition to the next stage of your life.
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So after thinking about the situation what did you feel?
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I think it's good you see her, but not every day or too often.  You've got to move on to the next steps in your life, too, not having her there.  Though blind, deaf, and suffering with dementia, she still knows the touch of your hand in hers & on her face, that you're there ~ comforting her to know you're still nearby, visiting, watching out for her, bringing her little fave treats & gifts.

When she wants to know when she's leaving, just say the dr. will let you know.  It's very hard cause many cry when we arrive and when we leave.  But they're usually ok once we leave, according to workers I've talked with, and their happy voices I hear on the phone later.  It's a sad time for everyone, and my heart goes out to you both.

Try not to be hard on yourself whether you see her as often; maybe once a week or every other week; you decide, not workers.  You're both now going through big changes in living arrangements and will miss each other's companionship.  Enjoy every moment you do visit, and know you've done your very best, made the right decisions, and made life great for your sweet Mom.  But for you, she may have had no one to care for her. 

Take care.
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I think you need to give your mom time to adjust to her new environment. If she's doing better when you're not there, cut down your visits. You are not 'turning your back on her', but allowing her the time she needs to adjust. She's in good hands as you are no longer able to care for someone this old, with THIS many issues! It's amazing you've been caring for her for 4-1/2 years, that's very commendable!!

You can always go visit mom without her knowledge.......in other words, go check on her from afar to see how she's doing. Check in with the nurse, etc., and make sure all is well. When you do go to visit, take her a treat or a small gift and let her know you love her. That's all you can do. Let mom know it's doctor's orders that she's cared for in this new and safe environment. Like DollyMe said, when he writes a letter releasing her is when she can leave.

We care givers all understand how difficult these decisions can be. But at this stage of the game, you need to keep HER safety and care in mind, as that is the most important thing. Do NOT let ANYONE guilt you into thinking you've somehow made a 'bad decision' here. You haven't.
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Don't turn away, don't stop seeing her. Take a step back & think. If I was in her shoes how would I feel, what would I want, what would I need. Think about this for a day deep inside yourself. I'll check in sometime tomorrow. 🕯
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lealonnie1 Dec 2019
His mother is VERY old with advanced dementia..............what on earth are you asking this man to 'think about this for a day deep inside yourself'??? I seriously hope this is not some guilt inducing comment with you 'checking in tomorrow' to see if he's decided to take his mother out of Skilled Nursing.
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You are her complaint department, this is very common, most want to leave...at first. It is wise to cut back on visits and phone calls so the patient can acclimate to their new surroundings.

Yes, it is time to move on with your life, visit her, if she starts.... leave... telling her that when you receive a letter from her doctor(s) stating that she can return home you will take it under consideration...the doctor(s) will never write such a letter.

We care takers understand, my step father and his wife said they want to move to another AL because they don't like the food...they didn't like the food at the previous one either...Ah, no you are staying where you are until you go to the happy hunting ground.
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